Page 71 of Coach
I just barely managed not to tell her to blow off work, to stay locked up in my room with me.
I didn’t want to overwhelm her.
She’d come to me already.
She would come again.
Much more readily now that the first time was over with.
I just had to be patient.
And while she was gone, I would buy a new bed for Trix.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Este
I thought the high would wear off by the time I got back to my house, got Trix all settled, and got myself ready for work.
Apparently, Saul’s personal brand ofmindfulnesswas more effective than any meditation practice I’d ever heard of.
I wasn’t some starry-eyed virgin (though maybe a case could be made for re-virginization, considering how long it had been), but everything with Saulfeltnew. Like being touched for the first time, like I was just learning about all the wonderful things my body could feel.
There was just something about Saul and how clocked in he was, how he checked in frequently without making it awkward, how he seemed to sense exactly what I needed even before I did, but still sometimes delayed giving it to me, knowing that if he dragged it out, he would make it even more intense.
I almost felt emotional each time my mind drifted back to that bed with him, the way he quieted the world at the same time he made my body sing.
I didn’t care if it was stupid, if it was a bad idea to hook up with anyone, let alone someone in such a small town; I plannedto take full advantage of Saul’s offer to come to him anytime I needed a little mindfulness practice.
Because after about a decade of having nothing but swirling anxiety and debilitating fear that was—on rare occasions—interrupted by brief moments of hope that were quickly dashed, I was going to let myself have that release, that relief, that weight off my shoulders.
If it led to something terrible, well, so what? What in my life didn’t?
I always knew that each home was likely temporary, that I was probably never going to know the peace that came from a ‘forever’ house. So if my time here was temporary (as much as it killed me to even think that), then at least I was going to let myself enjoy the hell out of it.
“Hopefully this will help,” I told Trix, turning on a white noise machine and cranking it up a bit. “I will be back later. And if it’s really bad, maybe we will go visit Saul again. Be a good girl.”
With that, I walked to work still feeling like I was floating. And I was determined not to let my concerns about my bosses dampen my good mood.
It was easier than I anticipated, thanks to a busy crowd and a lot of general cleaning that needed to be done.
Did that crowd also mean I needed to hang out after closing to re-mop the floors? Sure. But I wasn’t even grumbling about grown men’s inability to keep their drinks in their cups as I did so. I was too busy wondering what I owned that was kind of sexy without looking like I was trying too hard.
“Shit,” I grumbled as I was about to go out the back door and remembered I’d left my phone sitting on one of the pool tables.
“Ugh,” I grumbled when I realized the floor was still wet. If it were my house, I’d have just rushed out there and grabbed it. But this wasn’t my house. And my manager was a stickler fordetails. Less than pristine floors would warrant a steely-toned lecture.
Deciding to wait it out, I slipped into the walk-in fridge to peruse the obnoxiously varied number of drinks the pool hall offered: everything from normal name-brand soda to imported ones whose labels I couldn’t read, juices, three types of flavored milk, kombucha, and no fewer than six different types of water.
I reached for one of the sports drinks, smiling to myself at the idea of being so turned on by Saul that I was going to get dehydrated quickly.
I’d just started to push open the door when I heard voices inside the building.
My heart froze.
Then it started to hammer so hard that I was sure it was attempting to punch out of my ribcage.
Because the last time I’d overheard something inside this building, it sent me into a spiral.
