Page 49 of Coach
“I don’t know the terms. But I want to see my face reflected.”
“Got it.”
She click-clacked away to shoo the last customers out the door before the brothers and she all made their way out the front door without so much as a glance back toward me.
“A good evening to you too,” I mumbled to myself as I walked around cleaning up some leftover cups and plates of snacks.
Then I put on some bluesy music to romanticize the process of sweeping, vacuuming, wiping surfaces, and mopping.
Finished with that, I inched through the back door since I’d mopped myself out of the front.
Wedging a box in the doorway, I went out into the back alley, breathing in air that didn’t stink of ‘fresh linen’ cleaner.
The air was starting to take on the slightest of chills.
I mean, this was California. The late summers and early falls weren’t going to have those crisp nights that made you pull on a hoodie to go sit around a crackling fire. But it was still a nice break from the hot, dry nights we’d been having.
Though I would miss autumn evenings, I had to say that the oppressive summer humidity of my East Coast upbringing wouldn’t be missed if I got to keep Shady Valley as my home.
And I really, really wanted that.
Above me in the alley, the motion-activated light flicked off, blanketing me in darkness.
The night pressed in around me. Too heavy. Too close.
My breathing went quick and shallow, and that old familiar edge of panic clawed up my chest.
Everything in me said to throw out my arms, to activate the light.
But I forced my arms to stay down at my sides, to not give in to that need.
I knew that giving in was only reinforcing the fear. And I knew from Saul that I could calm down; I could endure.
I didn’t exactly have the distraction Saul had provided, but I refused to believe I wasn’t capable of getting to that same level of calm by myself.
I was safe.
There was nothing scary in the darkness.
I took a slow, deep breath until my belly even expanded.
Five things I could hear.
The night bugs. The music from the pub next door. The sound of someone on a cell phone on the street. My own deep breaths.
My heartbeat was about to pound out of my chest.
No.
Nope.
That wasn’t helping.
I moved through my senses, focusing on my surroundings, the things I could hear, see, smell, and touch.
Until the darkness wasn’t so terrifying.
I unclenched my sweaty fists and took several more slow, deep breaths.
