Page 5 of The Disputed Legacy
But now I am.
Stroking Isabella’s fine hair back from her brow as she slept, I felt that pang in my heart that I’d lost so much time already. I could’ve married and had my own children by now. I could’ve experienced this one-of-a-kind joy at holding my daughter all this time.
No. Not yet.
As Maxim returned the conversation back to what I’d reported about the latest activity from the Romanos, I knew that I had to focus on my duties for a little longer yet. Listening in to their remarks about the latest findings, I stood and paced with my sleeping niece in my arms until we concluded this meeting.
Too soon, it was time to go. My apartment upstairs had been empty since I moved into a penthouse uptown. It seemed like distance would help me put my head back on my shoulders squarely. Seeing Sloane and Maxim with Isabella had started to drive too much jealousy into my heart and I assumed a change of scenery would help me stay clear-headed. Then Lucy and Damon had their twins. And Nik and Sloane had their daughter. Too many babies were taking up the focus here, and I thought that moving out would keep me concentrating on my job.
But I couldn’t ever shut off how I loved being an uncle. How often I wanted to dote on them. And I did. I visited daily, and each time I got ready to leave the growing families, I suffered this antsy indecision over what to do now.
I had no interest in finding a woman. Flings ceased to excite me.
I lacked the motivation to consider dating a woman. How could I invest that time into getting to know a stranger when I had to be the main man on the case of ending the Romanos?
Rubbing the back of my neck, I sighed and continued down the hallway, hating this frustration I couldn’t escape.
“There you go again,” Grandmother teased before passing me by. “Sighing and moping.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not moping.” Holding my arms out and grinning, I said, “What could I possibly be moping about?”
I had it made.
Or I should’ve felt like it. Money would never be an issue. I had multiple properties to call home. The Ivanov Syndicate was as strong and powerful as ever.
“You’re moping because you’re lonely.”
My shoulders sagged as I lowered my arms. There it was. She was too damn good at reading me, and after holding Isabella as she napped, I bet my restlessness showed too clearly on my face.
“Saul, I still have all those folders and files. When I looked into finding a Mafia princess for Maxim?—”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, thanks.”
“But it wouldn’t do you any harm to look. To try to find a woman of your own so you won’t feel so left out like this.”
I approached her to hug her and press a quick kiss to her cool cheek. “Not now, Grandmother.” The longing for a family of my own was a force that would fester within me, eating at me from the inside out. Impatient and irritated to want something I never thought I’d have on my radar, I stayed true to my course and shook my head again. “Not yet.”
Because while my brothers got to go first at experiencing the joy of starting their families, someone had to stay focused on the biggest threats to us all. One of us had to be on the job and investigate what the Romanos were trying to achieve.
As I left, hanging my head and dreading going home to a too-quiet and empty apartment, I wondered when I’d be able to find that one woman who’d make my heart full.
Or if I ever could.
It’d be just my rotten luck if I were destined to always be only an uncle, never a father. If I were cursed to only find meaningless women to fuck and dismiss, never be a husband to a wife.
3
WILLOW
It didn’t matter how much of a lull or a boon I could work through at Tiny’s diner. I was doomed to never get ahead in life when the hits just kept on coming. It was bad enough that I had to be a single mother and live paycheck-to-paycheck.
Now I had to manage repairing our home.
Monday morning dawned before it was light out when the apartment above us flooded.
The second I heard Oscar knocking on my door and running into my room, I jolted upright and gasped in a deep breath. From slumber to shock, I was wide awake and fearing the worst. Clutching my chest, I sought him out in the shadows. “Oscar?”
“Mom! Mom! It’s all wet!”
