Page 47 of Wilder Puck
I tilt my head to the side and question if that’s a true statement or if he’s messing with me.
He nods. “Okay. Just three more times.”
“Three?” I scoff. “No way. Zero.”
“Zero?” he scoffs now, and I’m back to smiling. “Two.”
I shake my head.
“One more time.”
“Fine,” I say, not wanting to argue anymore.
“Fine?” he laughs. “That was easy.”
I nod. “I might change my mind.”
He stands taller. “One it is.”
I can’t resist that smile on his face or the way he’s looking at me. This is supposed to be fun, remember? I can do this. I can keep sexing up my best friend and not fall stupidly in love with him in the process. With his perfect sex hair, his perfect abs, his perfect smile, and his perfect hot sex.
Yeah, right.
We lapse into silence, and it's not the relaxed, satisfied kind. It's loaded with everything we're not saying, the uncomfortable weight of our shifting dynamic. He wants to continue this…with me.
A part of me really wants that too, but I’m scared of what admitting that will do to us. I'm suddenly desperate to escape, to not be vulnerable in front of him anymore. I stand taller too, looking for my route out of here.
“I should go,” I say. “Another early day tomorrow.”
It's a flimsy excuse and we both know it. But Ryan doesn't call me on it, just watches me with hooded eyes.
“Okay,” he says quietly, running his hand through his hair. “Text me when you get home safe.”
“Will do.” I lean down and press a swift kiss to his cheek, avoiding his eyes.
And then I'm out the door, fleeing like the coward I am. I make it all the way to my car before I let out the shuddering breath I've been holding, my eyes stinging.
I'm so fucked. I am so very, very fucked.
What the hell am I doing? How did I ever think I could keep my heart out of this?
I rest my forehead against the steering wheel, trying to get a grip. I just need some space, that's all. Some time to shoreup my defenses and remind myself why this can only ever be physical.
I just need to get my head on straight and my heart in check. No sleepovers. No more post-sex pillow talk. Stick to the good old-fashioned booty calls and then get the hell out of dodge before I can start craving more.
Just one more time.
Easy peasy.
I snort to myself as I turn the key in the ignition. Yeah, right. Since when has anything involving Ryan Wilder ever been easy for me?
But I'm going to try. I'm going to protect him and our friendship the only way I know how.
Shit, this is going to destroy me.
Chapter 16
The door closes behind Addie, and I flop back on the bed with a groan, throwing an arm over my eyes. What the hell just happened?
