Page 70 of The Moonstone Major
“That’s what Mrs. Halsey said.”
“Because this is all that happened. All Lady Dowling wanted was to ask me if I could put in a word to you about having her help out again. That’s why you caught us laughing. I had just told her you were going to seek her out to ask her this very thing.”
“But the way she was looking at you…”
“I know, Chloe. I am not blind to how women look at me. Don’t judge her too harshly. She wasn’t about to proposition me. I think she was merely trying to be friendly, hoping to get back into a social life but shy in going about it.”
Chloe snorted. “Shy?”
“Perhaps uncertain about it rather than shy. Maybe hoping something might come of our acquaintance. And by that I do not mean a romp in the sack. I expect that, like you, she is hoping to find love.”
“With you?”
“No, not with me… Or if so, then I am only one possibility among many others. You have no idea… It doesn’t matter. My point is, you are the only one who has my heart, and no one else will ever entice me to stray from you. I mean it, Chloe. Other men may have it in them to move on, but I am not made that way. One woman. Filling my heart. For a lifetime. And that woman is you.”
She sank into a chair. “Don’t say that. I still want to be angry with you.”
“I know, and I still deserve it. Others would find themselves fortunate to have captured the heart of an heiress, but this is the very reason I hold back. I cannot come into a marriage empty-handed. I have to give you something in return.”
“You would give me love. That is more precious than anything else.”
He sat beside her, resting an arm on his thigh as he leaned toward her. “I know it is. And this is all the more reason why I am desperate to preserve it.”
“We are going around in circles. You are so afraid to lose me that you will give me up without ever trying.”
“I am trying, Chloe. The last thing I ever want to do is give you up. I have pared down every blasted requirement I had made up for myself, and all I am trying to do now is give you one elusive thing that I can bring into a marriage.One thing.Even something as paltry as a name that is my own. All I’ve managed so far is to become indebted to your brothers-in-law for helping me out on some wild possibility that Viscount Brennan’s kin tried to cheat me out of more of my inheritance. Gad, I could kick myself for allowing myself to be swayed by Ducky. He wouldn’t know a clue if it bit him on the arse. And now I have you so overset, you’ve spent the last hour in tears.”
“It was my doing, not yours.” She saw that this discussion was bringing him pain, so she changed the subject. “Do you wish to know about my day? Besides my running out of the tea shop like a demented chicken?”
He cast her a wry, mirthless grin. “Of course. Better than keeping my mind on how badly I’ve hurt you. Did you find anything of interest in those documents?”
“Just scraps of information, nothing that leaps out at me yet. What do you know about Arundel Castle or the Duke of Norfolk?”
“Nothing, other than he was pivotal in approving this hospital project. Before you jump out of your chair and look for a hidden connection, let me assure you there is none to me, although there obviously could be one to our ghostly Captain Arundel. Norfolk is the lord in charge of a committee responsible for approving or denying all construction projects for the army.”
She told him about the family tree she was constructing for the sea captain’s family and her timeline of events that she had gleaned from those documents. “I am doing this in the hope it leads me to a connection to you. Do you not find it interesting that the sea captain’s sister was called Fiona?”
“And you think there is a connection because I am called Fionn? That was just a name given to me at the orphanage.”
“An unusual name, you must admit. What if it was not merely picked out of the air? What if you were given it because this was your mother’s choice?”
“A mother who abandoned me.”
He spoke with such bitterness, it made her heart ache for him. “We don’t know yet what happened. You cannot assume she left you, certainly not willingly. All I am saying is there must be a connection, or else these documents would not have been revealed to you.”
They spoke for a little while longer about other things, less painful topics, until Fionn finally rose. “Chloe, night is falling. I had better go.”
She rose to walk him out. “Will I see you tomorrow?”
He sighed, ending with a soft groan. “I think I will avoid the tea shop for the next few days. But you will always find me at the fort or the hospital site if you need to seek me out. Or have Mr. Hawke send word to me, and I shall meet you wherever you like.”
“All right. Seems everything we spoke about during this visit brought you unbearable pain. I’m so sorry, Fionn. But I sincerely believe the truth will free you from your torment. I want this so much for you, just to see you truly happy…or at least, finally at peace with yourself.”
He caressed her cheek.
She sensed there was something he wanted to tell her—indeed, she suspected he wanted to tell her that he loved her.
Her fear was not about his feelings for her.
