Page 34 of The Moonstone Marquess
“I will still come by every day to see them. I’ll take them out and spend as much time with them as you wish me to spend. Both obligations fell on me at once, and…” He raked a hand through his hair once more in frustration. “Just say the word and I will take my nieces. They are most important. I’ll figure out what to do with Richard.”
“It isn’t necessary. Chloe and I are fine with the arrangement. Do you wish us to invite your friend to—”
“No. I don’t want him around any of you until I am certain he is truly on the mend. He completely fell apart when his brother died. Cried for days. Ignored his sisters and everyone else who tried to console him. I suppose his brother knew this would happen, and this is why he turned to me for help. For whatever reason, the Crawford family respects me.”
“Well, you are not all that bad. They obviously saw some good in you.”
He grunted in disgust. “I have done nothing to earn it.”
“You are being too hard on yourself.”
He caressed her cheek. “No, Phoebe. I’ve indulged myself, wallowed in self-pity, and behaved as I have all my life—like an arrogant arse.”
“Perhaps in changing him for the better, you are teaching yourself to do the same. But you cannot expect everyone to forget what you were and suddenly adore you.”
“I am still going to be arrogant and difficult, for that is too much in my nature. But I will also be kinder to those I love. Appreciate them more. Do my best to be more considerate of others in general. Most of all, I want to be a better man for you.”
She paled, and her lips trembled. “Do not say this. You cannot say you are doing it for me.”
“But why not? I am here because of you.”
“Do not play with my affections or put that burden on me. It is not up to me whether you succeed or fail. Nor do I want to be just another bed partner for you, whether within or without the bounds of marriage. Those vows of marriage still mean nothing to you. But they mean everything to me. I am not like those ladies, the sort who can move on and forget you after you seduce me. I will not be a part of your game.”
“You know this is not what I am suggesting. I want to marry you…a true marriage.”
“And what is your definition of a true marriage?” She emitted a ragged breath. “You hardly know me. More to the point, I don’t know you, and the little I have seen… I have no idea what to make of you.”
“I’ll accept that. I know your first impression of me was dreadful.” He was trying to agree with her and accept responsibility for his actions, but this seemed to irritate her more.
He wanted to make things right, yet it all seemed to be coming out wrong, and he had no idea why until she frowned at him and said, “You stole my first kiss. You took that dream away from me, and I can never have it back.”
Bollocks.
Yes, he had done that.
But it was just one kiss, and he intended to marry her, so what was so awful about it? “Phoebe, that is not fair. I just poured out my heart to you.”
“And this makes everything all right?”
“Is it not a start?”
“Let us put an end to this conversation. I will keep your nieces. Visit them whenever you wish.”
She rose and turned to run back to her cottage, but he rose along with her and caught hold of her wrist to draw her back to his side. “I cannot undo that first kiss.”
“Because it never occurred to you that it might be something special to me, that—”
“Have I not just spent that last half-hour telling you how I feel and how sorry I am for hurting my loved ones? And as charming and well bred as you are, you are no docile flower. What is this really about? Are you afraid of me?”
“No, of course not.”
“I don’t mean in the physical sense, because you know I will never hurt you in this way. Are you afraid I will break your heart?”
“I won’t let you do this to me.”
“Nor do I ever wish to hurt you in this way. I intend to court you properly.”
“Don’t say that. You do not know how to do anything properly.”
