Page 54 of The Moonstone Marquess
He glanced at his arm. “Not as much now.”
She shook her head. “No, that is something different. Your arm leaves you frustrated, but it does not make you less handsome or less intelligent. Or, dare I say it, less charming when you want to turn on the charm.”
“I do not put on a false front with you,” he said, now frowning because he’d given her a terrible first impression of himself—all of it true—and he had not considered it would be something he could never overcome.
Since that first encounter, he had laid open his heart to her…at least, he thought he had. Did she not understand this is what he was doing?
“I don’t mean to suggest you turn your charm on and off whenever it suits you. Nor do I think you ever do this with me. I know you are trying to show me who you really are, and I like what I am seeing very much. But I’ve only seen three days of you, and I am eager to know more. Will you tell me something personal about yourself?”
He arched an eyebrow. “Such as what?”
She began to fret her kissable lips again. “Why did you ask me to marry you?”
“Because I find you beautiful, and you lighten my heart. Perhaps this is what love does to a man. It brings him joy. Peace. These are feelings I have not experienced in a long time.”
“It is obvious, Cormac. Even now, I can sense you are not comfortable with these good feelings. You have grown used to being in turmoil.”
“Perhaps it is built into me, but I am not angry or overset now. You are a calming influence—is it not obvious? I do not feel humiliated around you as I do around others. You are a lioness, and yet you have such a soft way when dealing with me.”
“I have been so clumsy tonight in expressing my feelings, but I would never intentionally hurt you.”
“I know, Phoebe. You see me as a whole person. I like that very much. But my missing arm is always on my mind. How can it not be on yours?”
“You are so much more than merely a missing part of an arm.”
“I would like to think so, but I am constantly reminded of its loss. So many little things come up in a day that frustrate and anger me. You do not see my limitations. You do not recoil or remark on my failings. But I do. They smack me in the face and are a constant reminder of all the things I can no longer do.”
“They are not limitations or failings in you.”
“Phoebe, I cannot even cut a slice of beef with my knife. One needs to pin the meat down with one’s fork and slice it using the other hand. I have no other hand. I cannot button my breeches without a struggle. I’ve ordered a billiards table for my house, and yet how can I play the game one-handed? It takes me forever to complete so many simple tasks.”
He watched her face, took in her compassionate expression, and continued. “I cannot lift my nieces at the same time. Nor can I ever put my arms around you. Or ever carry you in my arms. I think I regret this most of all, knowing I shall never be able to hold you this way.”
“Then I shall be the one to put my arms around you.”
“It is not quite the same thing. My point is, so many stupid obstacles that I can no longer control or surmount crop up in a day. Each little thing destroys me. Yet it does not hurt so badly when I am around you. You never make me feel worthless. How is that for something personal? Now, your turn.”
She cast him a heartfelt smile. “The naughtiest thing I have ever done is allow you to kiss me. Other than that, I have led a spotless life. How is that for boring?”
“Have you ever done anything daring or adventurous?”
“We’ve helped out Vicar Trask a time or two during storms. Very fierce storms. That was rather daring.”
“What else?”
“Well, this is not really daring or adventurous…perhaps more about us suffering hard times. We were kicked out of our London home by our odious cousin, the new Earl of Stoke, after our father died. The title passed to that weasel, as did guardianship of us. But this did not stop him from kicking us out of our house.”
“I know he gave you a very hard time.”
“He tried to cheat us, as you know,” she continued. “But Cain saved the day and then married Hen. We were never really in dire straits, so I don’t suppose it counts, even though we were feeling quite desperate for a while. We’ve never really had to struggle. So I don’t suppose that counts as anything. Certainly not daring or adventurous.”
“Not everyone needs to live their lives in constant peril. You were raised in comfort, but you are not haughty, nor are you reluctant to come to the aid of others. There’s fight in you, Phoebe.”
She smiled at him again, her expression achingly soft. “Well, I hope I do not fight with my husband. That would make for a messy marriage. And what of you? You’ve faced danger every day of your life on the battlefield. How has that affected your outlook?”
“Darkened it. But also made me appreciate the good when it comes along. That’s what you are, a shimmering, heavenly light.”
She blushed. “Hardly, but thank you.”
