Page 5 of The Dream of Love
Remi understood the sort of man Adam Carstairs was, for one lonely being immediately sensed another’s loneliness. However, they were alone for different reasons. She was alone because her parents simply did not like her, and he was alone because he had erected a massive stone fortress around his heart to keep everyone out.
This is why he had never married.
Wellesford’s vicar now occupied her mind. She wanted to spend more time with him to learn about his past, but he was obviously eager to be rid of her. As soon as they finished their light repast, he left to saddle his horse. From the window, she could see him lead his magnificent beast, Alcazar, out of the stable and walk him to the back door.
Within moments, she heard Adam’s purposeful footsteps coming toward her as he returned to collect her. He would now take her to Sherbourne Manor in the hope of finding her a place to stay for the night. “You ought to let others in, Adam. They won’t all hurt or disappoint you.”
“What?” He glanced at her, but quickly averted his gaze when lifting her into his arms. He strode back outside, managing to ignore her even though their faces were inches apart. She tried not to stare at him, but he was too handsome to resist, and when would she have such an opportunity again?
He settled her on Alcazar. The steady, gray beast was possibly a remnant of his past. The Scottish cavalry regiment serving the Crown was known as the Scots Greys because of the horses they rode. It was not a leap to believe Adam had been a young soldier during the Napoleonic War.
“People are naturally drawn to you,” she said, “but you don’t allow anyone close to your heart. Why is that?” He had placed her on the saddle because she was in no condition to walk to Sherbourne Manor on her own two legs. He now held the reins and led the horse at a slow gait in order not to jostle her bruised rump or sprained ankle too badly.
“Stop asking questions. I am not one of your pet creatures to save.”
“Who says I am interested in saving you?” She smiled at him when he glanced at her again, his expression startled. “Wanting to understand you is not at all the same thing as wanting to save you.”
The noonday sun shone down on them, but a delicate breeze kept the temperature quite pleasant. A short while later, they reached the back gate to Sherbourne Manor. “Adam, we’re almost there and you haven’t answered any of my questions.”
“Nor will I. Stop trying to understand me,” he said with a surprisingly angry grumble, shoving the gate open more forcefully than necessary.
She had no response for him, feeling as though she had just been kicked in the teeth. But he was right. She had overstepped by asking him questions throughout their meal and while making their way to the home of the Earl of Welles.
She was not trying to pry.
She was trying to make a friend and obviously going about it all wrong.
He sighed and turned toward her again. “Sorry, Remi. I was rude to you, and I apologize for that.”
“I apologize for irritating you.”
He frowned. “You don’t irritate me. I am worried about you, lass. That’s all.”
“I can take care of myself. I have been doing it for most of my life. Rather badly, I suppose. But I have managed on my own thus far.”
His hand now rested on the neck of his horse as his tension eased, and he leaned toward her. “That’s just it, you haven’t. A girl like you ought to have friends. You ought to be going to parties and having young men fall at your feet while spouting odes to your beauty.”
“Oh, dear heaven. No.” She shook her head and laughed. “I hope to have friends beyond the creatures I spring from my father’s traps. I was hoping you would be one of them. As for elegant parties and gentlemen callers, I detest the marriage mart. It is nothing more than a meat market. It holds no allure for me.”
“You ought to give it a chance. There are some very good men out there who will appreciate you and wish to marry you.”
“Ah, if only this were true.” Her laughter faded. “Can you not see how much of a misfit I am? I care nothing for wealth or rank. My parents married for those reasons and look where it has got them. No, what I lack and what I have missed throughout my life is a very important thing called love. This is what I want for myself. Enduring and endearing love.Love, Adam. I will not find it in an elegant London meat market.”
He regarded her thoughtfully.
When he said nothing, she continued. “I’ve seen it here in Wellesford, parents and children who are genuinely fond of each other. I will never forget the radiant happiness in their eyes and in their smiles.”
He continued to look at her, his gaze unsettling as he seemed to penetrate her soul. This time she turned away, for her heart was suddenly leaping and bounding as wildly as the fox she had been trying to quiet while hiding in the confessional. It horrified her to think she was developing feelings beyond friendship for the vicar.
She tipped her chin up into the air. “I have resolved to marry for love and settle for nothing less. If I am to have children, I do not want them treated the way I have been treated. Well, you’ve seen how my parents shuttle me back and forth between them or cart me off to one boarding school or another to keep me out of their sight.”
He nodded. “Remi, I want you to promise me something.”
She fixed her gaze on him again. “Not to irritate you?”
He chuckled. “No. I’ve told you already, you do not irritate me. I want you to promise that you will come to me if ever you need to turn to someone for help. I will protect you. Will you remember that?”
“Why are you saying this to me? Has my father threatened something that has you worried? He always threatens, you know. This is his nature. He bullies and blusters. But he is too worried about maintaining his respectable appearance to ever do me any real harm.”
