Page 62 of Overtime Goal
“Yesterday, yesterday.” My voice was loud again, but he wasn’t hearing me. “Can’t we move on from that? And what doyou mean by ‘the total opposite’? Yesterday is what made me start coming to terms with all this.”
“And think of all your conditional, hypothetical ideas.” His voice was so quiet I barely heard him. “If you were ready for something with me, yesterday would’ve been the perfect opportunity for the sacrifices I talked about, ones that let you be with me and not hurt me.”
“Goddammit! I’ve explained about how my agent…” I pounded on the table out of sheer desperation. “Please, Logan. At leasttryto understand.”
He reached across the table and patted my hand, then pulled away. “It’s how insistent Frank was that would have made it a sacrifice for you not to go on the date. You’d have risked losing him, and you’d have missed the opportunity for some womanizing PR. You’d have done all that so you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Are you saying that because I made one bad decision?—”
“It wasn’t a bad decision. Going out with Natalie was a very logical choice. It’s part of what you want out of life, and I don’t think you did it to hurt me. I was only collateral damage.”
We were getting nowhere, and there was no use in talking to him. He thought he knew it all and had a rebuttal for everything I said. It might be better to let it go, try to have a nice day with him, and bring the subject up again when some of his hurt had faded.
“You’re right,” I said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did, and I hate that. Please forgive me.”
He nodded, and neither of us said anything for a while. Eventually, Logan cleared his throat. “If you’re finished, I have some things to tell you.”
I was already queasy, and I wasn’t sure I could take much more. “Can it wait?”
“No. It’s important, and it affects us both.”
“Shit. Tell me.” Whatever it was, if he got it out, I’d try to deal with it. And I could go inside and lie down for a while.
“I’ve been thinking too.” His voice was soft but firm. “Things have gotten out of hand between us, and I’ll take the blame for that because I’m older. I should have realized sooner what was happening and put a stop to it.”
“A stop to what?”
“You said a few minutes ago that I shouldn’t deny my feelings for you, and I won’t. I know youmightbe bi, andifyou are, wecould?—”
“Stop it, Logan. I’ve been honest, so don’t make fun of me.”
“You’re right, and I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make fun, but what I feel about you isn’t hypothetical. I’ve never felt like this about another person, and that’s been unfair to both of us.”
“How?”
“It’s kept me focused on you instead of looking for someone who could feel the same about me.”
My frustration was about to boil over into anger, but I pushed it down. “What makes you think I don’t?”
“I’m not exactly young anymore, Riles, but I’m not old, and I’m still decent looking. I can’t stake my happiness on something you aren’t even sure of.”
“Fuck you. Iamsure of how I feel.”
He ignored what I’d said. “It’s not only hurting me; it’s holding you back too. All the time we’ve spent together might have kept you from finding a woman you could love.” He took a moment to swallow. “Having sex with me has been confusing you. You made that clear after the first time.”
“I haven’t said anything like that since then, have I?”
“No, but what do you do on the nights we’re not together? How can I be sure of what did or didn’t happen last night?”
“Nothing happened.” I clenched my jaw so I wouldn’t start yelling. “And nothing has happened with anyone else since that night in LA. Why won’t you fucking believe me?”
He picked up his coffee, looked into the mug, and set it back down. “We need to put some space between us, give each other a chance to find someone who can give us what we need. I hope we can still be friends, but we’ll have to stop hanging out so much. The slumber partiesdefinitelyhave to end.”
My throat burned. “You really want to throw this away? You’re not even willing to wait and see if I can figure it out? If we…” I swallowed hard. “What if I already know I want you?”
“But you don’t,” he said. “And you may never know.”
I let out a laugh that sounded like it belonged in a padded room. “So what, I’m too late? I didn’t show up soon enough with a fucking rainbow flag, so you’re done with me?”
