Page 27 of Overtime Goal
Abby tapped Holky’s thigh. “Is good thing I can cook. What should we have for dinner?”
Holky pressed his hands against the sides of his head. “I don’t know why you’re here because I don’t want to fucking talk. My life’s a goddamn train wreck, and I’m only trying to protect Chuck.”
“From what?” I asked. “Are you in trouble?”
He dropped his hands into his lap, and the naked fear in his eyes made my throat ache. “Not how you’re thinking,” he said,“but I was born in trouble. I broke things off before I destroyed him.”
“Destroyed him?” Logan asked. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I hurt people, drive them away. Whether I made Chuck leave or not, I’d have ended up alone. I thought it was better to cut things off now before I hurt him.”
I scoffed loudly. “You think youdidn’thurt him? Dog loves you, and from what I hear, he’s devastated.”
“I know I hurt him, but believe me, better now than later.”
Abby looked at Holky like he was deranged. “You sound like idiot.”
I broke into a laugh, and although I clapped a hand over my mouth, I couldn’t stop my shoulders from shaking. Holky looked like he wanted to slug me. It took a moment to get myself back under control. “Sorry. Nervous reaction, but Abby’s right. Youdosound like an idiot.”
“Or a lunatic.” Logan leaned forward. “The fuck, Holky? You’re throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you because you’re afraid you’ll hurt him? You broke up with Dog to protect him? From you?”
Holky’s shoulders slumped. “You’re making it sound ridiculous.”
“Because itis,” Logan said. “You love Dog, and it’s changed both of you for the better. Don’t sit there and give us a load of bullshit about how you’re trying to protect him. I don’t think that’s true. You’re trying to protect yourself.”
Holky’s eyes teared up, and when he finally spoke, he sounded like a broken man. “I’m scared.”
That hit me in the chest, and before I could stop myself, I glanced at Logan. He’d been better to me than anyone ever had, and he was always there to support me when I needed him. He let me know I mattered to him even when I didn’t matterto myself, and I liked him so much it scared the hell out of me. I wanted him in ways I didn’t understand, physically and emotionally.
The panic I’d felt in LA had never really gone away, but it had changed. Now, I was afraid I couldn’t give him what he needed. Even worse, I was hurting him. If that cost me what we had, I wouldn’t survive.
I swallowed hard and looked at Holky. “You think being afraid means you’re dangerous? I hate to break it to you, but everybody’s afraid of fucking things up, especially in a relationship. I’d be worried if you weren’t afraid.”
“Seriously,” Logan said. “You think we don’t all have ghosts? Remember the shitshow that went down with Gabe and Brody? Fuck almighty, what about Harpy and Luca? Or me, when Davey and I split? I was so messed up, I spent a year convinced I didn’t deserve to be with anyone.”
Holky buried his face in his hands. “You don’t know what it’s like inside my head.”
“No,” I said, “but I live in mine. It’s not exactly a beach resort.”
That got a half-snort out of him, and Abby asked, “You love Dog?”
Holky dropped his hands. “So much I don’t know how I’ll live without him.”
“Then stop treating him like he’s breakable,” I said. “He’s Mad Dog, and in case you haven’t noticed, the name fits.”
Logan sighed. “He can take care of himself, Holky. You don’t have to fall on a sword for him. He just needs you to be real.”
Abby put an arm around Holky’s shoulders. “Is your chance, Holky. You’re in third period of your own love story, down one goal, five minutes to tie it up. What will you do?”
Holky shut his eyes, and a long moment passed before he looked at us again. “What the fuck have I done? You should’ve seen his face when he left.”
“You can fix it,” Abby said. “Dog loves you.”
Holky shook his head. “I’ve messed everything up. He probably won’t even talk to me.”
“Why not find out?” Logan asked. “I think you’re wrong, but if he won’t talk now, wait until he will. He’s not the only one who’s stubborn.”
I scooted forward, determined to make Holky understand. “Logan’s right. Don’t sit here thinking the worst. You made a mistake, but you’re lucky because you made it with someone who loves you. It doesn’t have to be permanent.”
