Page 15 of Overtime Goal
“Come on, Logan.” I leaned forward and propped my elbows on my knees. “Don’t play dumb.”
He kept his eyes straight ahead, probably hoping I’d disappear if he ignored me long enough. After a moment, he sighed. “Aidan, we…”
Shit, my first name. Never a good sign with Logan.“We can’t keep going like we have been,” I said. “Either we talk about what happened and clear the air, or we’ll have to call our friendship over. I won’t stand for that. You’re too important to me, so I’ll talk whether you do or not.”
“We’re doing fine, Riles. We’re spending a lot of time together, and that night you came over?—”
“Bullshit. We’ve been pretending things are okay because we both want them to be that way. But deep down, do you actually believe things are fine?”
He didn’t answer. Back in juniors, I had a coach who’d call me into his office after I screwed something up. Instead of yelling, he’d say something and let it hang there, heavy as hell. Eventually, I’d talk just to break the silence. I tried that technique on Logan, and a full minute ticked by while my heart thumped and Holky talked to somebody out in the hall.
Finally, Logan looked at me and barked, “Goddammit.” His eyes were fiery, but when I said nothing, the flames flickered out. “You’re right,” he said. “It’s time to come to terms with this.”
Before I could chicken out, I started talking. “First off, I’m sorry for being such a bastard the next day. No matter how freaked out I was, you didn’t deserve that. I should’ve handled it better. I sure as hell shouldn’t have said we couldn’t talk about it.”
He didn’t move, so I pressed on. “Since then, you’ve probably not known what to say. If you’ve been as frustrated as I have, you’ve felt kind of fucked, like you couldn’t talk about the only thing you needed to. I’m so sorry for?—”
“Take a breath, Riles. I’m not going anywhere.” He patted my arm, then seemed to think better of it and pulled his hand away. “Thanks for what you said, but we’ve both acted shitty. I was a real prick when you tried to talk in Dallas.” He let out a shaky breath. “I shouldn’t have let things go as far as they did in LA. I knew better, but I was lost in the moment.”
“Me too,” I said. “The kiss on the beach turned my world upside down. We both wanted what happened that night, and even if you’d tried to stop it, I don’t think I’d have let you.”
“But the next morning, you were freaked.”
I nodded. “Everything seemed so natural when it happened. But in the daylight, I didn’t know what to do with it. I’d never been with a man before, and I panicked. I thought if I shoved it down far enough, we could forget what happened and go on as friends. That’s why I said we couldn’t talk about it.”
“I figured as much.”
Our eyes met, and everything came back, not only what we’d done, but how I’d felt that night. My morning-after panic didn’t change what had happened or how much I’d enjoyed it.
“I don’t regret what we did,” I said. “It was beautiful.”
He shifted in his chair. “I’m not sure I believe that. You sure as hell seemed like you regretted it.”
“I just explained it was because—” My voice was sharper than I intended, and I held up a hand. “Sorry. You’re right. But it wasn’t really because of what we did. I regretted it because it confused me, and I couldn’t stop wondering how I could’ve liked it that much if I’m straight.”
“I understand that. If I hooked up with a woman, I’d sure as hell wonder what the fuck I was doing after thirty-five years of being gay.”
“It’d be a head trip for sure.”
He nodded. “How do you feel about it now? It’s been a month, so how have your thoughts evolved?”
Shit. I’d hoped he would talk before I had to answer that question. If he said something wise, I could build on it. Instead, he’d left the spotlight on me, and since I didn’t know what to say, I went for a dodge. “How have they evolved?”
He didn’t blink. “Yes. If you’re ready to talk, I assume you’ve thought it through. Am I wrong?”
I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. “We…” I glanced at the wall, hoping it might toss me a lifeline, but it didn’t. “I uh… I liked it. It was incredible, physically and in my head. Sometimes I can’t think about anything else.”
He closed his eyes and leaned back. For a moment, the only sounds were a TV from next door and my pulse pounding hard enough to make my ears buzz.
When he didn’t move, I started worrying. “Logan?”
“Yeah.” He opened his eyes. “Why do I feel like there’s abutcoming?”
“Because there is. As good as it was, I don’t know if I could do it again. I like you so fucking much, but that’s a big part of the problem. Sex has a way of screwing up things in my life. It’s already done that to us, and if we can fix this, I don’t want to risk losing it again.”
“I’ve been thinking about it every day,” he said.
“You have?”
