Page 78 of Taking Care of You
If not for Ethan, I would have been out on the streets. And my father wouldn’t have been able to help since he’s out of the state. I would have been homeless and trying to figure out how to eat, finish school, and get to college in a few months…if I survived on the streets. I’m sure if I went to Crystal’s, my mother would have been a fucking menace until Crystal’s dad had nochoice but to ask me to leave. What a mess my life would have been.
I’m not sure how long I bawl my eyes out, but when I hear a soft knock on the door, I jump. I look at myself and see that my eyes are red and puffy.
Trying to hide the fact that I’m coming apart, I yell, “Gimme a minute. I’ll be out soon.”
“Creep, it’s me. Crystal and Ryder are gone.”
My shoulders droop and I trudge over to open the door.
I look at Ethan and see how sad his eyes are, and I hurriedly wipe my own. I try to paste a smile on my face. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
He exhales a soft breath and says, “You’re not. Come on. Let’s go lie down. I’ll hold you until you are.”
For as long as the silent tears fall, his arms are around me. I really hate that I keep breaking down like this. I want to be fine. I want it not to hurt anymore, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to cut off the pain that’s been building up for years and bubbled over with the very public display of my mother’s contempt.
When will I ever not become a fucking puddle every time something like this triggers me?
I cry myself to sleep, Ethan’s strong arms around me the only thing keeping me together.
I don’t know what wakes me. The room is quiet and Ethan’s weight is warm behind me. One arm is around my waist and I’m using the other as a pillow. I turn slightly to look at him and find him already peering at me.
“You okay?” he inquires softly.
“Better,” I answer. “What time is it?”
He grabs his phone from the nightstand. “Three-fifty.”
I frown. I’ve been asleep for hours. And what’s worse, I didn’t say goodbye to Crystal and Ryder. I’ll text them tomorrow and apologize.
I wrap an arm around his waist. “Why are you up?”
Ethan shrugs and pulls me on top of him so I’m straddling him. “I woke up a few minutes before you did.” I reach over to click the light on, so I can see him better. He looks sleep rumpled. “Guess I couldn’t stay asleep either.”
“What’s wrong?”
He shrugs again. Then his face takes on a serious expression, one I don’t think I’ve seen before. His sadness is so evident it makes my heart ache. “How bad were things at your place? Tell me, please. I want to hear it all.”
I pull a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I want to tell him, but I’m afraid. “I don’t know, Ethan. It’s not…pretty.”
“I figured that. Please tell me, baby.”
Taking a deep breath, I begin to tell him everything. Starting with how things were before. How my mother was warm and laughed a lot. How my father would always call me ‘kid’ and liked to squeeze the back of my neck in that weird, but comforting parenting way. How we were poor, but we stuck together, and we loved each other very much.
Then I told him how Dad started to work more, and in turn, my mother started to drink more. And that’s when I came out. I told him how I told Crystal I was gay and she was receptive, so I thought my parents would be too. While my father didn’t really say anything, just looked a bit sad, my mother went on a drunken rant about not wanting a gay son.
After that, I tell him how my father was at work so often that I would be surprised if I saw him once a month. How whenever my mother saw me, she would berate me constantly, which was when I learned to walk quietly around the house and try to stay out of her way. How I haven’t heard a kind wordfrom my mother in years. That I’ve finally given up on having a relationship with her.
When I’m done, he has tears in his eyes and he’s almost vibrating with anger.
“Hey,” I murmur, wiping under his eyes, clearing away his tears. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” he responds through clenched teeth.
“You’re right. It’s not,” I agree. “But it’ll be okay. I’ll get there. I know I will.” I’m going out on a limb by being so honest with him, but I decide to go for it. “I have you. Being with you makes it better. So I’ll be okay. Promise.”
Ethan lunges for me, sitting up and bringing his lips to mine in a brutal kiss. I wrap my legs around him and open up, letting him in so he can work his frustration and anger out through the kiss. I feel the tears on his cheeks, so I move my lips from his and kiss them away.
He shudders and rubs my back, breathing in deeply and letting it out slowly. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, creep. I can’t stand to see you hurt.”
