Page 19 of Taking Care of You
I’m not sure why I didn’t bring enough clothes for the weekend. I only went back home on Thursday night. Friday after Ethan gets out of practice, he picks me up and we go back to his place. We spend the night working on our project, which is nearly done almost three weeks early. It works out well because it gives us time to get our first draft cleaned up and to possibly find actors.
Ethan doesn’t mind acting in it, but I’m not fond of public speaking. I’m still mostly shy when I talk to Ethan. No way can I act out a play in front of our entire class.
And there’s the matter of the kiss. It was Ethan’s idea to have the two lovers seal their successful escape with a kiss, signifying the end of the play. While it’s a good idea and really gives our play the punch it needs, I’m sure Ethan doesn’t want to kiss me just for a good grade.
No, we’ll find someone to act alongside him, if that’s what he wants.
The Saturday before Homecoming, we drive over to the mall. I thought we were going to find something off-the-rack from one of the chain stores—something inexpensive—but Ethan directsme to a small formal wear store that’s practically hidden at the rear of the mall.
The store is brightly lit, with jackets and pants on racks, and shirts and ties lining the walls. There are shoes in the back and a raised platform in front of a mirror off on the right side. On the left is a cash register with a man standing on the other side of the counter. He grins when he sees us and strides over.
“Can I help you gentlemen with something?” Not giving us time to answer, he says, “Let me guess. Homecoming?”
Ethan gives him an easy smile. “Yes. My friend needs a suit fitted. Will it be ready by then?”
“Yes, yes. Won’t take long at all. Three days at the most.”
Ethan nods, and the man pulls me over to the raised platform. “Stand here. I’ll pick out some color options for you and we can get started.” I nod, and he hustles about, pulling down jackets, pants, and shirts.
I glare over at Ethan, who’s trying to pretend like he’s done nothing wrong. “We didn’t agree to a tailored suit, Ethan,” I mumble through clenched teeth.
He looks at me with a tilt of his head. “You mad at me, creep?” He does sound like he’s sorry, like he didn’t know something like this would upset me.
I blow out a breath and shake my head. “No. But this is money I can’t pay you back right now. Hell, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to pay you back. I’m fine with something off-the-rack.”
“I’m not,” he murmurs. “Let me do this for you, please?”
Sighing again, I agree. I’ll probably do anything he asks me to do. And doesn’t that make me a fucking fool?
The employee, whose name tag reads Todd, meanders back over and holds a black jacket and a blue jacket up to me. “I like the blue better,” he says. “With the warm undertone of your skin, it’ll look very dashing. What do you think?” he asks Ethan.
“I like blue. I’m wearing blue as well, so let’s do that.”
Why does it matter what color he’s wearing? We’re not going together.Idon’t even know who I’m goingwith. I haven’t told Crystal I agreed to go yet and I’m not sure what her plans are.
After we settle on a color, it’s a whirlwind of activity. I have to change numerous times to find the right shade of blue. Then we have to narrow down the right dress shirt that pairs with the jacket and my skin tone. Once we have the basics down, I have to stand perfectly still while Todd sticks pins into the pants to make sure they’re fitted correctly. Before we’re finished, Todd makes me try on about eight different pairs of socks to figure out which ones go well with my pants.
If I’m being honest, I can’t wait to see what it looks like when I put it on. During the whole process, I only had on either the pants or the jacket, so I’m not sure what they look like together. Hopefully not too bad since Ethan is spending his money on it.
Two hours later, the suit is measured and set aside so Todd can do whatever he needs to do with it. He loads my arms with my shirt, socks, shoes, tie, and a pocket square, gesturing for us to meet him at the counter so he can ring everything up. When he reads the total, I turn and narrow my eyes at Ethan again.
“Five hundred and ninety five dollars, and thirty six cents,” Todd says, not seeing how uncomfortable I am. Ethan doesn’t even flinch as he hands Todd his card. Before I can speak up, the transaction is processed and Todd is telling us to come back on Thursday to pick everything up.
I don’t hear him. I’m too busy trying not to throw up. Almost six hundred dollars on a suit for one night. How is that even possible? A suit can’t be that much, right? And I didn’t really need this pocket square. How much was that? I could have done without the tie too. I don’t even know how to do a Windsor knot, or whatever is appropriate for Homecoming.
I drag my feet as we leave the mall. I don’t know how I’ll pay Ethan back. It’s not like I have any income. I can’t ask my dad for six hundred dollars, he’s barely making enough to afford our shitty house.
I put my bags into the backseat of his car and flop into the passenger seat. When Ethan gets in, he doesn’t immediately start the car. I can feel his eyes on me, but I can’t meet his gaze. I don’t want him to see how upset I am.
My foul mood isn’t directed at him. It’s not his fault I can’t afford something as simple as a suit for Homecoming. It’s not his fault that, even if therewasleftover money, my mother would use it to buy more alcohol. It’s definitely not his fault that we’re from two different worlds. He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just trying to be nice, giving me a high school experience I’ll remember forever.
The problem is, it’s hard to let guys be nice to me. Since I came out, my mother has drilled into my head that I’m nothing but a whore, and the guys I meet will only want me on my knees or on my back if they do anything for me. Even though deep down I know he’s not like that, it’s hard for me to believe that Ethan wants me for anything else. There has to be a reason he spent so much on me.
I hate that I’m even thinking that. I know he wouldn’t treat me that way. Ethan has shown me nothing but kindness since we started hanging out. But there’s this voice in the back of my head that’s telling me he’ll eventually want sex because of all the nice things he’s doing. I try to push it away, finally subduing it by sheer force, but not before my eyes well up with tears.
Swiping under my eyes quickly, I turn my head to the window, hoping he doesn’t see, but he does. He grips my chin gently and pulls my face around to look at him. “What’s the matter?” he asks softly. I shake my head, trying to shake his grip, but he only holds on tighter. “Talk to me, creep.”
I laugh a little at him calling me a creep at a moment like this and it only makes me choke on a sob. Dammit, why am I crying like this?
