Page 69 of To Ashes and Dust
He shook his head. “None that I’ve heard of.”
“Now I gotta figure out how to fly with these,” I said with a grin. “Imagine how shocked the darklings will be when I attack them from above.”
“Just take it slow. I know you’re excited, but we have to make sure they’ll sustain your weight before you go leaping off a cliff. Your bones aren’t porous and light like they are when you’re an owl.” He glanced at me once more, and the speculation in his pale green eyes left me wondering if I looked as tired as I felt. “Are you ok, Cas?”
A sigh slipped through my lips. Maybe it was that uncanny brotherly instinct tipping him off. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
I straightened, looking over my shoulder as I began to figure out how to move my wings, folding them in tightly at my back before extending them out again. They were so light, yet my balance seemed to shift with each movement of them.
“Everything ok?” Zephyr asked. “Still having the dreams?”
“No, it wasn’t the dreams. I just...” How could I tell him what had kept me up? I was still scared of what might happen if I mentioned Eris to anyone. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Like what? You can talk to me.”
I smiled, warmth filling my chest, and I knew the offer was genuine. “I’m just worried.”
I closed my eyes, focusing on shifting back to normal, and slowly but surely, the weight on my back dissipated. My shoulders sagged as I righted myself and grabbed my sweater to pull it back on.
“Worried about what?” he asked as I lowered myself to sit on a rock.
“Everything.” It wasn’t a lie. There’d been so much on my mind since I’d learned about them, about their world and the darklings. It wasn’t just Eris plaguing my thoughts, though she now held the most weight.
The inner corners of his onyx brows curved upward as he eased down beside me.
“I’m worried about my parents. I’m worried about Kat and Cody, what’s going to happen to the mortals who live in the city, to the immortals who can’t defend themselves like the family that was taken. I’m worried I won’t be enough to help stop Melantha. The meeting with The Council went well, but...”
He tilted his head.
“I don’t think I deserve to stand at Damien’s side... I don’t deserve the title of queen.”
“Cas.” He smiled as his head dropped, and I frowned. “I couldn’t disagree with you more.”
If only he knew what I’d hidden from them. Would he still think the same of me if he knew how I’d lied to them all?
“You care about people, Cas. You sacrifice more than you’re willing to admit for others. It was your first meeting; you still barely know anything of ruling a kingdom, and yet...” He turned his gaze back to me. “You stood up against Tobias, in favor of giving the immortals a fighting chance, immortals who you’ve never even met. You made the decision to replace him with Calista, a female of worth who’s well equipped with the knowledge to better serve House Nous. You fight alongside us hunting darklings, risk your life to protect both immortals and mortals alike. You give so much and ask for nothing in return.”
I swallowed, fighting to hold his gaze, to not shift away from him.
“Cas.” His eyes pierced through me, intense and profoundly genuine. “You are more than qualified to lead our people at Damien’s side. I couldn’t imagine serving anyone else.”
“But... I don’t know the first thing about leading a kingdo—”
“That can be learned,” he said with such a calm. Any other words I might utter halted on my tongue. “A king or queen can learn to rule, can learn the laws and how to govern, but the care and dedication you show the people through the sacrifices you’ve made? That’s something that can’t be taught. It’s something you’re born with.”
I smiled, my gaze falling from his, and while his words warmed me, the guilt sank further into my stomach. I wouldn’t be able to meet his expectations, wouldn’t be able to meet any of their expectations or needs. We’d be lucky if I lasted long enough to fight the darklings and bring Melantha down for good.
“Thank you, Zeph.”
“I mean every bit of it,” he said, resting a hand on my head as he leaned in to press his forehead to mine. “I’d never lie to you, Cas.”
I forced a smile, chest swelling as I felt the adoration seep through the connection. The guilt lingered, swirling in the pit of my stomach until I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer.
I’d never lie to you.
“First thing tomorrow I want to try to glide off a rock with just the wings,” I said, eager to change the subject, to escape the guilt leaving me nauseous.
His mouth opened, then closed, and I couldn’t ignore the concern in his eyes. “We can try, but promise you’ll take it slow. Damien will kill me if I let you hurt yourself.”
