Page 60 of To Ashes and Dust
She’s here... She’s so close...
His eyes drifted to me, and he held out his hand. My hand shook as I took it, stepping to his side before lowering to my knees. He lifted my hand to the case. My chest grew heavy, something building in the back of my throat, and I cupped my other hand over my mouth as my palm met the cold clay, a tear rolling down my cheek.
Something in the deepest recesses of my mind pushed past any sense of decency. Perhaps it was Lucia who begged me to do it, a mother so desperate to hold the baby she’d never gotten to see. My other hand reached out, and I took the small urn, folding it against my chest. I curled into myself, feeling the cold clay against my skin. My breath grew shallow, my chest expanding as I tried to hold it in, tried to fight it, but I couldn’t anymore, and I let go. His arm draped over me, pulling me close as I crumpled, sobs threatening to burst from my chest.
Damien held me there for a long time, allowing me to cry into his chest as I held her—the three of us together at last. I held her for so long, not wanting to let go. I didn’t know how much time passed, and at some point, we’d ended up resting against the wall of the alcove. My head leaned against Damien’s chest, my body lying against his as I rested between his outstretched legs. I took a deep, uneven breath, my eyes puffy.
“What happened?” I dared to ask, my eyes staring into nothing. “She’d sounded so healthy.”
Her cry echoed in the depths of my memories. I’d only heard a handful of cries before she’d been rushed out of the room. It was all I had of her, and I’d clung to that little piece ever since the memory had resurfaced.
He drew a deep breath, his voice thick as he spoke. “She started off strong, but a few days after you passed, she... started to struggle. Over the course of a week she withered, growing weaker and weaker with each day.”
His fingers glided up and down my back, and I gave into that warm touch. “It’s difficult enough for immortal infants to survive delivery with their mothers there to nurse them, to give them those nutrients only they can give. When you passed, it was only a matter of time.” He paused, and I lifted my gaze to his. The sorrow was heavy in his eyes. I brushed a kiss against his cheek, and a somber smile tugged at his lips. “It was shortly after The Fall of Kingdoms. We’d suffered so many casualties, and many were still recovering from injuries. The few mothers who’d survived struggled to keep their own infants alive. One had tried to sustain both her child and Emilia, but...”
“Did she pass alone?” It was my own fear, the fear that I’d die alone, with no one at my side. I prayed she hadn’t, that even if she didn’t know or understand, he’d been there.
He swallowed, his arms wrapping around me in a tight embrace. “She passed in my arms.”
Tears threatened to spill again, my chest tight as I imagined him, alone, suffering. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“You’re welcome to come here anytime. Anytime you want to visit her, I’ll gladly bring you.”
“I’d like that.”
He brushed a kiss against my temple. The touch pulled me back to the present, and I lifted my head from his chest. I’d completely forgotten we were supposed to meet Calista and Zephyr to discuss everything that had happened. I brushed my hands across my eyes, wiping away the residual tears. I could only imagine how much of a mess I was.
“I completely forgot about tonight. Do we have time for me to shower and clean up before we meet with Zephyr and Calista? I probably look terrible,” I said as I pushed myself onto my knees. I pressed a kiss to the small urn, and that pull I’d felt before came back to life, as if Lucia wasn’t ready to part ways.
Damien shook his head. “We aren’t going tonight.”
I looked back at him, brows high. “I don’t want to hold things up—”
“You’re not holding things up. You’ve done enough,mea luna. Take the time you need. Everyone will understand.”
My chest swelled. “Thank you.”
It hurt to set that urn back into its alcove, and for a moment, I almost hated that Lucia was trapped within me—forever unable to walk with her child in whatever afterlife awaited them.
I rested my hand against the urn, my body not wanting to leave. I would be back, though, would visit more, while I still could. There was so much to do, but I would do everything in my power to prevent more losses like this, whatever it took.
Words drifted from my lips that weren’t my own, and yet they slipped from my lips with unnatural ease. It must have been the language of the Elythians, words spoken by Lucia.
“Revinia aleirene, mea hallos.”
Rest peacefully, my love... my heart.
23
CASSIE
“I’m so sorry. I should’ve spoken with you before volunteering you. It just kind of happened.”
Calista sat beside me on the couch at Stokers the following night. Damien and I had taken the entire day off to be with each other. It was time I hadn’t realized I needed so badly after visiting Emilia for the first time.
The bar owned by Semele and Eiko was already alive with our group. Damien, Zephyr, Calista, and I sat on the couches, Barrett, Thalia, and Vincent seated at the bar. It was foolish of me to volunteer her to take Tobias’ seat on The Council without speaking with her first, but everything had happened so fast.
She smiled, a soft chuckle leaving her lips. “It’s okay, Cas, truly. I was a bit surprised when Zephyr told me of what happened at the meeting. I’m honored you recommended me for it.” Guilt crept into those dazzling silver eyes. “I’m so sorry for the things my father said. He’s become so bitter over the years. He wasn’t always like this.”
