Page 195 of To Ashes and Dust
I lifted my head to gaze upon Zephyr, his face stark, pale green eyes wide as he took me in.
“Gods, it’s really true,” he breathed, heading for me.
I grunted, pushing myself to my feet, and Damien reached out to help me.
Zephyr’s massive arms wrapped around me; his scent so strong. I didn’t know how I’d never noticed it before, comforting and warm, like sage and pine. He held me for the longest time, and I leaned into him. Tears welled in my eyes as memories that flooded my mind within the last twelve hours resurfaced—of times when he’d first taught me to shift as a freshly settled teenager, times when he’d taken me out into the woods to hunt for dinner. We’d been so close. He was the best big brother I could’ve ever asked for.
I breathed, my chest contracting as I tried to hold back the emotions. “There’s so much I want to talk to you about, so much I want to know.”
Zephyr’s body tensed and he pulled back just enough to gaze down at me. His eyes widened, tears dotting his lashes, and he glanced at Damien, who nodded. He wrapped his arms around me once more, his adoration filling my lungs like wildflowers and sweet tobacco. “I thought we’d lost you.”
“I thought so too,” I admitted. Those final moments were hazy. The last thing I remembered was the terror that flooded me and the words I’d shared with Damien. Gods, I was so glad they weren’t my last, that we would be able to have that time I’d wanted.
“Everyone’s in the living room,” Zephyr said, releasing me, and Thalia nudged my leg toward the hallway. Damien and Zephyr both took my hands, helping me that way.
The crackle of the fire in the fireplace reached my ears before we entered the living room, but the moment I turned into the doorway, all sounds of the house quieted—the crackling of the fire, the hum of the radiators, everything.
They were all here—Vincent, Anna, Calista, James, Ethel, Salwa, Eiko, Semele; they all stood before me, eyes wide with shock and joy. I pulled from Damien and Zephyr, stumbling forward before Calista caught me, and I wrapped my arms around her, letting the tears fall as I held onto her. Warmth enveloped me as the others slowly surrounded me, their arms wrapping me in a tight hug.
“Thank the Fates,” Vincent breathed before releasing me, the sight of his grin and tear-filled eyes only causing my own to fall harder.
I turned to find Anna smiling warmly at me. Gods, it felt like ages since I’d seen her last, since I’d felt the kick of the sweet babe growing in her womb. Realization and profound joy surged through me as my eyes met Anna’s.
I wouldn’t have to miss out on anything.
Laughter echoed throughout the house, and it was more than I could ever want, more than I could ever ask for. Semele had broken out a few bottles of ambrosia liquor, and we’d spent the last few hours celebrating. Damien, Zephyr, and Vincent knocked back a shot before staring each other down, waiting to see who caved first. Vincent wavered and threw his hand up, bowing out, and the laughter returned, Anna running her fingers through Vincent’s dirty blond curls as he leaned back against the couch in drunken defeat. I snickered before light caught my eye. The sun was setting outside, the blanket of night working to cover the city.
I glanced once more to Damien as he turned on Zephyr, ready to take him out next. I took a tentative step back and slipped out of the room, holding onto the blanket Damien had given me when I’d become chilled. I headed for the back door. Cheering and hollering echoed throughout the house, and I wondered if either of the two had caved. Just as I reached for the doorknob, I felt the brush of fur against my hip, and I glanced down to see Thalia at my side. She nudged her nose against my elbow, and I smiled.
“Join me for some fresh air?” I asked, and Thalia’s silver eyes fell to the doorway in silent confirmation.
I turned the doorknob and pushed the door open, the cold crisp evening air skating over my skin. I pulled my blanket tighter around me as I stepped out. The woodsy and earthy scents of the forest behind the house flooded my lungs, and it was the most wonderful thing to breathe in. The door eased closed behind me, and I took it one step at a time as Thalia leapt down the stairs into the grass before turning back to me.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I said, reaching out for the railing and taking each step carefully, the wood creaking and groaning beneath my feet. I delighted in the feel of it against my skin, every groove, every imperfection, but it was nothing compared to the soft feel of the grass as I stepped down into it.
My chest expanded with a deep breath, inhaling the scents around me as I walked farther from the back porch and closer to the forest. I lowered to my knees, Thalia standing nearby as she watched, and the Dendron magic within me called out to the grass, to the trees, to the plants surrounding us. It was peaceful, and yet... not. The sounds were louder with my heightened senses—mixing and mingling with the animals skittering around in the forest, the distant sound of cars driving in the city.
I could lose myself in the hum of the magic, though, like music singing in my very veins. It didn’t last, and the magic faltered beneath the weight of everything else, of every memory dancing through my mind, of all that had happened...
Of Kat.
Thalia settled into the grass, stretching her legs out to lay down at my back. I settled against her. We laid there for a long while, and I tried to focus on the sun setting over the ridge, the purples and blues of the sky as the moon rose at the far end of the valley. I drew a deep breath and turned onto my side, burrowing into the warmth of her fur, trying to focus on the steady rhythm of her heart, of her breath. It wasn’t enough, though, for in the quiet calm, everything surfaced. How did I find normalcy in it all, in the countless lives trying to fit into one mind, one body?
Kat.
I didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to think about everything she’d revealed, everything she’d done, that it was because of her we’d lost Barrett. Something stirred deep inside my chest, something I hadn’t felt before: a void, as if at the very core of my being, there was a central mass of... nothing. It rippled, as if stirred by the bitter anger and hurt swelling in my chest at the thought of her and everything she’d done.
None of it had ever been real.
“Cas?”
I jerked and looked over my shoulder. “Hey.”
“Is everything ok?” Damien asked as he settled into the grass beside me. Thalia didn’t budge, and I couldn’t tell if she was awake or if she’d drifted into a nap.
“I just needed some fresh air,” I said, my gaze lifting to the moon now hanging just above the ridge, a few stars just becoming visible as the light faded. “Who won? You or Zephyr?”
“Are you kidding?” he said with a smug grin. “I could drink those guys under the table.”
