Page 123 of To Ashes and Dust
“When Damien confirmed it the night you got attacked, I felt like such a piece of shit for the way I’d treated you.” My mind wandered to the first real interaction we’d had on the stairway in front of the library, how he’d teased and taunted me. I couldn’t deny I’d been intimidated by him, but before I could say anything, he continued. “I snapped when Damien brought you to The Complex. You were terrified, hurt, and instead of trying to comfort you, I’d threatened to wipe your mind.”
His guilt skittered over my skin, and I reached up to place my hand on his arm.
“Barrett, I don’t hold any of that against you. I didn’t then, and I don’t now.”
“I’d feel better if you kicked my ass or had Damien do it,” he admitted.
“How about this; I’ll take you one on one in the training ring tomorrow and kick your ass to make up for it. How does that sound?” I offered.
A cocky grin slid across his face. “Deal. Just know I won’t make it easy on you. I’ve got a reputation to keep up.”
“Then I guess you’re going to get a real hard kick to the ego.”
As we made our way down the hall, we passed a few of the resident immortals. The trio of recruits—Zach, Sasha, and Liam—whom I’d helped train a few times waved as they passed us on their way to Stokers, talking about how they were to meet up with other recruits and warriors. It wasn’t long after that we’d encountered a mother with a fussy infant who didn’t want to go down for the night. Recently, more immortals had moved into the vacant rooms at The Complex, seeking refuge and protection from the darklings. I wasn’t sure how many lived here overall, but I knew at least fifteen recruits had taken up residence while they completed their training.
“We’re gonna head to the kitchen, see if we can find something to eat,” Vincent said.
Damien lingered in the entry to the lounge, speaking with Vincent, Barrett, and Zephyr briefly before they headed off, their conversation echoing down the hall. Something about Aurelia having a major meltdown, begging Barrett not to go when he had to leave The Outpost that day—how he’d felt bad, he’d had to leave early to get ready for tonight’s patrol and wanted to make it up to her. I couldn’t help but smile at how close they’d gotten. Barrett and Thalia spoiled her. I couldn’t deny that I may or may not have had a hand in my own spoiling of the little girl.
The cushioned chair near the window called to me, and I eagerly took a seat, resting my feet. The lounge was empty at this time of night—no sign of anyone, save the few immortals we’d encountered in the halls. Warmth from the fireplace filled the large room. I’d enjoy it while I could since we’d be back out on patrol within the next half hour, our shift not over for another two hours after that.
I stared out the window to the city in the distance, the twinkling lights illuminating the night sky.
A heavy sigh was all that alerted me to Damien’s approach, and I shifted my gaze to him as he eased into the chair before me. He groaned in relief as he settled into the cushion of his chair, eyes drifting toward the window to the view I’d been enjoying. He didn’t seem to enjoy it quite so much.
“I can’t believe we didn’t find any darklings,” I muttered, falling back into the chair, my arms falling limp on the armrests.
He didn’t say anything, but the hard set of his brows made it clear how heavily it weighed on him.
“What do you think Melantha’s up to?” I asked. “Do you think the darklings’ disappearance could mean something?”
His eyes drifted from the window, but they didn’t meet mine as he pondered my question. “I don’t know, and I don’t like it. Between the darklings and the Varyoskia, I don’t know what she’s been up to, but I fear she may be building her horde with creatures far worse.”
Was this the quiet before the storm? Was Melantha’s absence a sign of approaching war?
“I wish we had more time,” I said, pushing myself forward to rest my elbows on my knees.
Damien’s eyes lifted to mine, and he reached out to take my hand. “I won’t let this war destroy us,mea luna. We’ll get through this. We’ll make it to the other side, and we’ll have a lifetime to spend together.”
But we wouldn’t...
My heart twisted, guilt settling into the pit of my stomach, and I parted my lips.
He took in a breath, as if preparing to say something, but he hesitated and I stopped, brows rising. “Cas, I...” His eyes danced over my face, whatever words he wanted to say lingering on his lips. His shoulders sagged. “It’s nothing. Never mind.”
“Mea sol.” I gripped his hand. His pale eyes met mine. “You’re the one who’s shown me we shouldn’t leave things unsaid. You’re the one who’s shown me how much we could live to regret it.”
He smiled. “I know we haven’t found a way to turn a human immortal, and I know that... it won’t be as much time as I would like with you.”
My chest tightened, my heart dipping.
He took my other hand, his eyes falling to it as his thumb stroked my skin tenderly. “Regardless of that, I intend to spend every moment I have with you to the fullest.”
His lips pressed into a thin line as he fidgeted. “I—You can tell me no, but after last night, I don’t want to live to regret it. Regardless of whatever time we have together in this life, regardless of if we fall to the darklings or defeat them and you live fifty or sixty years past that…”
My eyes burned. It would never be that long.
“If you’d accept, I’d love nothing more than to be mated to you.”
