Page 120 of To Ashes and Dust
I lifted the damp rag to wipe it away. “It’s ok.”
“I’d... hoped you’d be asleep,” he muttered. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
“I wouldn’t have been able to sleep with you out there, not with what you had to face.” I dipped the rag into the water once more and wrung it out before returning to his face.
“You’ve... had to do that before,” I said—not a question, but an acknowledgement, an invitation. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m here. You can tell me,mea sol. Let me share that burden.”
He remained silent for a moment, eyes drifting away from me. I didn’t press, and I finished wiping away the last speck of dried blood and lowered the rag into the bowl. I cupped his face, pressing my forehead to his.
“Come,mea sol. Let’s get you washed up,” I whispered, rising to my feet. I took his hand, giving him no option but to follow.
He didn’t fight me and let me guide him up the stairs. His hand gently squeezed mine, and my heart swelled, relief washing over me at the first real reaction I’d gotten.
I left him in the doorway to our bathroom, as I turned the shower on. He began unfastening the leathers strapping his knives to his chest, setting them on the vanity before removing the holster of his dagger from his hip.
I nodded to the shower once he’d stripped naked. “I’ll be right behind you.”
He stepped in, the hot water rolling over his body. His face remained vacant, tired. If only I could take some of that pain from him, I would do it in a heartbeat. I quickly removed my clothes before stepping into the shower behind him.
I lathered soap into the sponge and ran it over his chest, his shoulders. The suds slipped down his skin and pooled beneath him. Thankfully, there wasn’t much blood anywhere else. I set the sponge aside and reached for him, my arms stretching around his waist as I leaned into him.
His arms came around me, my heart fluttering.
“Forty-seven,” he muttered.
I lifted my eyes to his face. “What?”
“I’ve had to... end forty-seven immortals before they converted.”
A chill swept over me. God, he’d had to take forty-seven lives, lives of immortals who’d done nothing wrong. I pushed myself to my toes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He tilted his head and pressed his forehead to mine. His sorrow seeped into my skin, icy and hot. It hurt so much, and I could only imagine how badly it hurt him.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Cole’s parents were among them,” he admitted.
I tensed and swallowed, remembering how Cole had shared the loss of his parents, how Damien had taken him in, raising him in their stead. I didn’t know how to respond. Did Cole know?
“Farah had been bitten. Marius tried to draw out the venom, but—” He didn’t speak for a moment, his throat bobbing as he tried to form words. “I was too late. It wasn’t until he’d been infected and on the verge of the conversion that I’d found them.”
Guilt replaced his sorrow.
“It’s never easy killing someone. I’ve done it too many times, fought too many wars. I don’t regret killing those I did in war; it was to defend those I loved.” His eyes fell from me. “But to see someone who’d never chosen to fight, who’d never done anything wrong in their life, suffer such gruesome injuries, experience what no one should ever have to, and then only be able to ease their suffering by ending it quickly... none of them deserved that. They had a future, a family waiting for them, lovers who would never get to kiss them again, hold them...” Silence hung in the air for a moment before he spoke again. “I couldn’t protect them.”
I held him, stroking his back tenderly.
He spoke through gritted teeth, his frustration pouring through our connection. “I’m their king. I should be able to defend my people, protect them, but I couldn’t.”
My heart squeezed.
“I failed them,” he breathed.
I failed her.I’d thought those very words as I watched the little girl die when Moonhaven fell. I didn’t even know her name, but I felt that weight, that same pain.
I lifted my eyes to him, cupping his face. “You didn’t fail them,mea sol, and wewillput a stop to it. Wewilldestroy Melantha.”
His eyes found me once more, and I could see the exhausting centuries within them. I knew that no matter what, no matter what it cost, I would ensure what I said would be true.
“We will make her pay for every death we’ve suffered.”
