Page 111 of To Ashes and Dust
His throat bobbed, and his lips parted as my vision rippled, tears spilling down my cheeks.
“Tell me they’ll be safe. Tell me—” My voice broke, sobs breaking from my throat as I cried, the tiny frame held tightly against my chest. He pulled me into him as I sobbed, and his voice was so tender, so soft, so strong and warm.
“It was the right thing. They’ll be safer this way.”
39
DAMIEN
Six days. It had been six days since Cassie erased every trace of her existence from her parents’ memories. Yet, here she was, training with recruits at The Outpost, as if nothing had happened.
To say I was worried was an understatement. She’d cried for the longest time when we’d returned home that night, and it tore me to pieces to see her like that. She’d had the courage to do for them what I couldn’t do for her when I’d found her again, the courage to give her parents the chance of safety, of happiness, despite the fact that they’d never know who she was.
I feared she might be handling this too well. That, or she was internalizing it, not sharing the full weight she was bearing. The only relief was that she hadn’t skipped her weekly therapy session with Salwa, but I was never present for those. I wouldn’t intrude on her unless she wanted me there.
Cassie widened her stance, three recruits surrounding her as they sparred—Zach, Sasha, and Liam. They were in their third month of training and, if they continued at the pace they were, they’d take their vows before Selene as warriors of The Order in a month. Cassie’s grip tightened on her baton as Zach lurched forward, swinging it down on her. She stepped to the side, absorbing the blow with her baton before guiding his weight past her. He stumbled forward, crashing into the dirt.
Zach had always been a little impatient, quick to move when it wasn’t the right time. His attack sparked a chain reaction as Sasha and Liam, in unison, went for Cassie. She moved lithely as the two came at her from the front and back, blocking Liam’s strike before stepping to the side. Sasha’s baton missed Cassie, smacking Liam square in the face. He recoiled, his hand flying to his face, baton falling to the ground.
“Oh, Gods! I’m so sorry, Liam!” Sasha said.
Zach burst out laughing as he sat on the dirt where he’d fallen.
“I wouldn’t laugh,” Cassie told him. “You made the biggest mistake here.” Zach’s laughter stopped, embarrassment clear on his face. “You would’ve been the first to get taken out.”
Cassie turned back to Sasha, who was checking Liam’s red nose. “While you’re trying to strike your enemy, you’ve got to be aware of your allies,” Cassie said with a knowing grin. I fought the smile tugging at my lips, recalling a time when I’d shared that very same bit of knowledge with her. “Taking out a darkling is wonderful and all, but you’d have split Liam’s face in two if that were a real dagger.”
Pride swelled in my chest at the sight of her. My queen, my strength.
While she hadn’t recovered her memories fully, the experiences she’d gained across her lives were resurfacing, propelling her training forward. She was mortal, but she never used it as an excuse, always pushing forward.
Sasha apologized profusely as she dipped her head. Cassie smiled, encouraging her to keep working at it. She dismissed them, training ending for the day. The three of them bowed their heads to her before heading for the Outpost’s lounge, picking on one another.
Cassie lingered, the other recruits barely aware of her as they finished the last of their own training, and for a moment, I saw it; the weariness. Her eyes drifted downward, as if the moment without a distraction had allowed whatever she held in to resurface. My heart twisted.
Despite the snow and unrelenting cold, a sheen of sweat glistened on her brow, which she swiped away with the back of her arm. She’d thrown herself into training, hunting darklings, anything to keep herself busy. Today, she’d been training for hours, switching between recruits, helping wherever she could. If she hadn’t been stopping for periodic breaks, I would’ve stepped in and forced her to stop.
It would’ve been hypocritical for me to do so. How many times had I lost myself in whatever distraction I could find to drown out the thoughts, the pain? I’d found myself in that very place she was struggling to climb out of now, and I somehow felt useless, unsure of how to pull her out.
I shifted my gaze to the recruits I’d been working with. “That’ll be good for the day. Rexy, Angie, make sure you check in with Barrett before you leave, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The females nodded and headed toward the building to put their equipment up.
“Lady Cas!” Aurelia’s tiny voice drew my attention back to Cassie as the child crashed into her legs. She nearly knocked her over, and Cassie broke out in laughter as Aurelia’s mother, Lydia, chastised the child.
“Gonna have to watch your back, Cas. Aurelia’s the next top warrior of The Order,” Barrett said as he and Thalia approached, their recruits also done for the day.
I made my way toward them, the soggy ground squelching under my boots. Cassie smiled when she saw me, and the sight of her with Aurelia filled my chest with warmth.
Gods, I wanted a family with her.
“I heard Barrett taught you to punch,” I said as I knelt to Aurelia’s level. “Let me see that right hook.”
Her bright eyes shifted to me, and she released Cassie’s leg with a determined look as she balled her tiny fists. I held my hand up, nodding for her to hit. She swung her arm forward. It was the gentlest blow I’d ever felt, but I pulled my hand back, feigning a recoil and fell back with a grunt.
Aurelia’s eyes went wide, and I pushed myself up, shaking my hand with a forced grimace. “That’s quite the hook you’ve got there.”
Cassie cupped her hand over her mouth, biting back a laugh, and I slid a grin her way.
