Page 103 of The Second Kiss
“You have to be at the auditorium by six,” Mom reminds me.
“I know, Mom. I won’t miss graduation.” I grab my cap and gown and head for the door.
“It was my fault.” Lexie leans close to me so no one else can hear. We’re alone in a little cafe two towns over. It was the only way I could get her to meet me. “What happened that night. I was pissed and jealous and...” she breathes out, “I couldn’t stand that he was with you, so I gave him the stupid pills. I never thought he’d try the same thing on me. When I realized what was happening, when I tried to fight back...” She shakes her head. Silent tears slide down her cheeks.
I should be furious with what she just revealed, but she looks so shattered that I can’t feel anything but pity. “It’s okay,” I say, even though I know it isn’t.
“It was for you. Nothing happened. You tore up his cheek and got away.”
“I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t heard you talking in the bathroom. So, in a crazy way, I guess you saved me.” I mean it to be comforting, but she cringes.
“Nobody was there to save me.” She won’t look at me. “Maybe I deserved it.”
“No one deserves that.” I reach to touch her arm, but she pulls away. “But we can’t let him get away with it. I need your help now. You need to sign a statement or...”
She’s shaking her head. “I can’t. If my mom or my dad knew they’d lose it. And if Brad doesn’t go to jail...” her voice quavers.“I know him. He’s never going to let this go. If he finds out I... I’m not like you, Jess. I’m not strong enough.”
I look into her red-rimmed eyes. “You are. I promise. You’re stronger than you think you are. And you’re right, this will never be over if he keeps getting away with it.”
She looks down at the table, tracing the lines of fake marble. “I’ll think about it.”
fifty-three
End of the Trail
Graduation is one of those moments that can never live up to the anticipation. We’ve all waited four years for this. The caps, the gowns, the pomp and circumstance, the whole circus. It seems unreal. I’m walking around in a dream.
Jasmine is squealing and hugging everyone she sees. Taryn is clinging to Ryder’s hand as we line up. Her eyes are red again, She looks paler than usual.
The ceremony drags on. Part of me wants it to be over, and part of me wants it to last forever. I look around at the kids I’ve seen almost every day for four years. Some for longer than that.
Brad is here, in a wheelchair. He’s pushed across the stage and then stands to get his diploma to thunderous applause.
I accept my diploma without looking anyone in the eye. I don’t dare look to the left or right. Mom and Dad and Tyler are the only ones here to see this. Matt is already gone. Jacob isn’t here. I don't know if he would have come if the lawyer hadn't told us to stay away from each other. I'm not sure I would have wanted him here anyway.
I’m trying not to think about tomorrow. Trying not to think about facing Brad in the courtroom. Trying not to think about Lexie and how she should be here with us.
Everyone stands. I guess the speeches are over. Jaz and Taryn are crying as they throw their caps in the air. I throw mine, but I can’t cry, even as they crush me in a hug. A million contrasting emotions—joy and pain, relief and fear, exhilaration and anguish—mix together with a bunch of little square caps. They fall to the ground.
High school is over.
Jasmine has a huge party at her house after graduation. She planned it before prom, and I told her to go ahead with it. I dress up and go. Put on a cheerful face. Hug people. Talk. Answer a million questions. I don’t eat anything. My mind and my stomach are focused on my court date tomorrow.
By nine, I’m tired of pretending I’m okay. I call Mom to come and get me, like a little girl who’s too afraid to stay at a sleepover. Taryn drove me to the party, but she’s snuggled up on the couch with Ryder. I don’t want to make her leave.
I lie in bed for hours without sleeping. My counselor prescribed some sleeping pills for me, but I won’t take them. I don’t like the way they make me feel drugged and out of control.
Mom is up before six. She never gets up this early if she doesn’t have to. My court appearance isn’t until one o'clock. She’scooking crepes, my favorite, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to eat them.
I get in the shower by seven o’clock. Linger for a long time in the hot water with my eyes closed. I don't get out until Mom calls from outside the door. “Jess, there’s a phone call for you.”
I wrap up in my robe and open the door. Mom hands me the phone.
“Jessica, this is Mr. Harris, your attorney.” The voice on the other end says.
“Yes,” I answer.
“I have good news for you.”
