Page 106 of The Second Kiss
Alone
September 2004
I’m working on my first official paper of my college career, but I can’t concentrate. The music blasting from the living room isn't helping. I lean forward and my hair falls in my face. I grab a hair clip off the dresser and put my hair into a bun at the top of my head. I’m seriously considering chopping it off short.
Kendra and our roommate Nichole are in the hallway, laughing and talking loudly. They burst into my room without knocking.
“Change your clothes and fix your hair,” Nichole commands. “We’re going to a party.”
“I can’t.” I don’t look up from the computer. “I have too much homework.”
“How much homework can you possibly have?” Kendra leans over my desk, blocking my view of the computer screen. “We’ve only had one week of classes.”
“Plenty, and I don't want to get behind."
“C’mon, Jess,” Nichole says. “It’s a frat party, kind of a get to know you for freshman girls.”
“A frat party where they invited a bunch of freshman girls?” I finally look up. “Wow, that sounds totally innocent and honorable.”
“Actually, what it sounds like is fun.” Nichole is a freshman too, tall with long dark hair. She’s smart, but she likes to party.
“Sorry, girls. I already have a date with eighteenth-century literature and modern-day chemistry.”
Kendra looks at Nichole. “You may not believe this, but there was actually a time when Jess was fun.”
“Wow,” Nichole replies. “What happened?”
“A guy,” Kendra says in a mock-loud whisper.
I give her a look that I hope conveys the complete and utter betrayal I feel. On our first night here, Kendra and I were alone in the apartment. The whole Jacob story kind of spilled out. Well, not the whole story. I still kept my first kiss a secret.
“That’s terrible,” Nichole pretends to be horrified. “But you know what the cure for any guy is? Another guy, or actually, a whole campus full of them. And I know where we can get started.”
“C’mon, Jess,” Kendra tugs on my arm. “I know this is hard for you, but you can’t spend your entire college career in this room. Besides, what would Matthew say if you let me go to a frat party by myself? I know he told you to keep an eye on me.”
I sigh. “And I bet you promised him you’d keep an eye on me too.”
“Yep, he specifically said that I couldn’t let you waste all of your time studying.”
I look from one to the other, thinking about how I’d promised myself a new start here. “Okay, I’ll go.” I reluctantly pull myself away from the computer.
Nichole goes through my closet. “What’s wrong with you, girl?” She reminds me more and more of Jasmine. “You don’t have anything in here that is remotely sexy.”
“She doesn’t ‘do’ sexy,” Kendra replies.
“Hey if you’ve got it, flaunt it,” Nichole says. “And guess what, girl? You’ve got it.” She measures me with her eyes. “I think I might have something in my closet that will fit you. You’re a little shorter than me, a little less chest but—”
“Out,” I point to the door. “I can dress myself.”
After they leave, I stand in front of my closet for a long time. I don’t remember the last time I went anywhere with the intent of meeting guys. My entire wardrobe looks tired, simple, and boring. I’m almost ready to take Nichole up on her offer to borrow something when I see the sleeveless aqua-blue blouse Jasmine made me wear on the date to make Jacob jealous.
I hold it in front of me and look in the mirror. I’m a college student now, far from home. Maybe it's time to change things up. I put the blouse on with a pair of comfortable, not too tightjeans, pull my hair up out of my face and put on extra make-up, careful to cover up the scar on my chin as much as possible. I finish the look with a pair of long sparkly earrings that Jasmine once called ‘fishing lures’. She said that guys, like fish, like shiny things.
By the time I’m finished, Kendra and Nichole are pounding on my door, threatening to come and dress me if I don’t hurry.
When I walk out Nichole whistles, “Girl, if you don’t find a guy to ease the heartache tonight, all the men on this campus are blind.”
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.” I feel like a little girl, young and unsure of myself. I reach in my pocket before I remember the locket is in the corner of the barn, 400-plus miles away.
