Page 29 of Liar & Champion
“I got shot protecting Christina, not you. He wouldn’t have shot if it put you at risk. Not that we’re talking about that. Let’s save all the unpleasant topics for when we’re pillow hugging. Right now, I’m going fishing to catch something for dinner. Do you want to come?”
She studied me for a long time. “Are you sure you aren’t tired and want to rest?”
“Fishing is extremely restful. Also, I’m feeling like a ten-year-old at scout camp, excited to cook my catch over the flames for dinner. Do you like fish?”
She nodded, but was looking at me so strangely. “Fish for dinner sounds lovely. And we can pick berries for breakfast.”
“That does sound adventurous.” I stepped close to her and kissed her forehead. I held her carefully while I studied her eyes. “Will you be okay here? You should be able to hear a motor coming, and I will be close down by the lake. We can’t exactly order in without phones, and I do get grumpy when I’m hungry.”
She pursed her lips. “That’s okay, I just thought that you’d kiss me.”
“I kissed your forehead. Not the kissing you had in mind?”
“If you don’t want to kiss me, you don’t have to, I just thought…”
I brushed her cheek with my fingertips while she stared at me, completely oblivious about what she was asking for. “Let’s settle down some. I can’t start kissing you in earnest, or I won’t stop even for dinner. Kissing can get very addictive. It’s best not to start until you’ve got a good stretch of time and a large stock of snacks. We also need to talk about the plan.”
“Oh. Right. The plan,” she said, stepping away from me and tugging on a strand of her hair, clearly embarrassed, which was the last thing in the world I wanted. She was so terribly sweet, innocent, not my usual speed. Everything with her would be slow, other than throwing myself in front of her to take a bullet, of course. She looked up at me with big eyes. “What’s the plan other than eating fish?”
I smiled at her. “I want you with me for the next six months so I can protect you from your stalker and fulfil my mother’s demands. What do you want? Think about it, okay?”
“And if I want to kiss you?”
I almost laughed. She had a delightfully one-track mind. “We can try that when we have a nice crackling fire and a sky stitched with stars for ambiance.” I winked at her and backed away before I forgot myself. She was just too sweet. Also, she wanted to use me to help her forget about the awfully painful kissing Dupre had put her through. I really wanted to make that right for her, to help her be in a better place after this six month’s experiment was over.
She laughed and then sighed. “I’m going to make up our beds while you hunt down dinner. You’ll have to teach me how to ask for kisses without it getting weird.”
I caught her hand and squeezed it. “I want kissing to be good for you, special. Casual kissing comes after you get comfortablewith someone. At least that’s what they say. I don’t personally know, never having seriously dated someone before. This is a situation that is new for me, and I’m trying to do things right. I don’t want you to feel awkward or dismissed. Honey, I’ve wanted to taste your lips since the first time I saw you. I just want to take my time, let you get comfortable with me, so you don’t have to ask, you just feel in the moment and don’t overthink.” I ran a hand through my hair. “And here I am, definitely overthinking. What do you want me to bring in? It might be easier to keep most of the stuff in the car, since there isn’t much room inside.”
“I can take things in,” she said, looking small and cute, and impossible not to kiss.
I leaned down and kissed her nose, leaving her blinking in surprise. “Yes, you can, but why would you want to when I have to earn your kisses?”
She gave me a shy and crooked smile before she raised her brows and looked imperious. “You’d better bring me dinner if you want serious kissing. I will see to the house while you take care of the hunting.”
“I do want serious kissing, and playful kissing, and all the kinds in between. Thank you.”
She blinked at me. “What for?”
“For saving me from Christina and all the other debs who would make fun of me for being a home health nurse.” For making me feel like a good guy, someone who protected instead of destroyed.
She gave me the most pointedly objectifying look she possibly could, which was still not very objectifying. “Muscles are for more than looking pretty, and you have so many of them.” She cocked her head, and her perusal took a different flavor. “I wonder if you’d let me draw you naked.”
If I were naked with her, drawing is not what she’d be doing. “On that note, I’m going hunting. Holler if you need something.I’ll probably be able to hear you if you use your diaphragm.” I turned and headed into the trees, the ground generously covered in soft pine needles that I wouldn’t mind rolling around on with Kitten. No one had ever asked me to kiss them before. It was always a direct order, or women just kissed me. I’d never even noticed until now, with Kitten so hesitant and shy about it. She acted like it was something that she should get over, like kissing was a hurdle she hadn’t yet mastered, but it should be much more than that. Once I’d helped her get over her kissing trauma, she’d be ready for so much more when she found someone else she wanted to have a relationship with. After our six months. Because anything else would be insane. Strange that thinking of her with someone else made me want to rip something apart.
Chapter Ten
LIAR
After he left, I got my sleeping bag and my box of meds out of my bag and carried them into the cabin. I sat on the bottom bunk that he’d claimed for my protection and taking a deep breath, stabbed my leg with the two-inch needle. Could you blame me for wanting to put this off? Kissing, even if it was as painful as the other times I’d been kissed, wouldn’t be as bad as this. Really, I wanted to kiss him so I could gauge how physical it was possible to be with him. I couldn’t know what I wanted if I didn’t know what was even possible. It wouldn’t be possible for us to be together for a celibate six months, not for him. No way his mother would have specified six months dating one woman if monogamy was natural for him. If I wasn’t up to keeping him entertained, I’d be setting him up for failure from the outset, and I wasn’t going to do that. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Mostly him, because I was dying and this wouldn’t be ruining his life, his fortune, and whatever else his mother had threatened him with.
If I couldn’t handle physical contact with him, because it was just too painful, that was that. Too bad he wanted to talk about the plan before we’d experimented with kissing. I’d never kissed Dupre. Other boys, including Beastie, had taught me howbruise-able and breakable I was. It wasn’t them, just me. I was a delicate flower too easily damaged in the storms of lust.
“Dad, there’s a funny thing. So… there’s this guy… He’s proposed marriage to me twice, but I think it was just shock. Anyway, the idea of marriage is kind of terrifying, but at the same time, to have that experience, intimacy, romance, physical contact, would be a fine send-off to the great beyond, don’t you think? How’s the weather over there? How’s mom? Is she still upset about the couch upholstery I picked?” I looked around the little cabin, noticing how bare the raw wood was. It could use some paintings. Not that we were living here for any amount of time. “She thinks he’s hot? Yeah, he is. She thinks I should forget sense and let love find a way? Of course she does. What do you think?” I listened and heard a bird outside make a sound like someone was strangling it to death. “Nix hasn’t ever hurt me, not when he bumped into me, not when he touched me, and he’s been touching me a lot. I tried to brace for every contact, because it should hurt, but it doesn’t. He’s always so careful, like he really does handle delicate, sickly people all the time and knows how to do it right. What’s that? A home care specialist is worth more than gold? I should tell him about my health issues? It’s only fair?” I looked down at my hands and made a frowny face. “You know what’s not fair? You dying. You having the same disease as my mom so I got a double dose of death. I’m not living like I’m dying. If that means lying, if that means putting someone else in a disappointing position, well, that’s life. People give birth to you, leaving you with all the genetic crap and then they die. That’s what we call a real disappointment.” I took a deep breath and exhaled, feeling tired. “I’m not bitter. I’m just tired of carrying so much weight all the time. I want. He asked me what I want. I want to let someone else love me. He only wants six months, I’ve only got six months, give or take, so why not take what I can?” I shrugged and then pulled out a highlighter markerand drew a smiley face on my hand. I wasn’t frowning my way through what was left of my life. How long could I conceal my illness from Nix? No idea, but I expected to go suddenly now that I stopped treatments. And that was okay.
I probably should open up to him about my medical conditions, but I wouldn’t. Even if it didn’t change anything for him, it would change things for me. I didn’t want to be the lump of misery rolled in a blanket of self-pity that never got out of bed. It was easier to be happy for real when you jump-started it with an act. And seeing Nix, the awfully pretty man with the terribly sexy smile made me feel good. I’d started pretending to be happy for my dad, because it killed him when I was in pain. Sometimes he couldn’t take it, had to leave and self-medicate if I was really suffering. So, I pretended not to hurt. Pretending, or lying, came easily to me. Beastie was the only person psychotic enough that my pain didn’t bother him. When he figured out that I was going to a clinic instead of a boarding school in Switzerland, he treated me pretty much the same, except that he brought me my pills when I asked for them. Nix might work with sick people, but he also had empathy that Beastie lacked. So, maybe I’d give him six months, my last six months, and maybe I’d take as many experiences from him as I could hold. Maybe that’s what I wanted. Maybe that’s what I needed.
I took a handful of pills and downed them with a big swig of saltwater, to help my veins contract. Mm. Got to love saltwater. Okay. That was the plan then. No guilt for fulfilling Nix’s necessary girlfriend as the liar I was. He’d asked me, and I wasn’t lying about how psychotic Michael was. I’d use Nix to forget all that terrible French poetry that I’d accidentally glanced at. I hated that language sometimes. All the time. If only I didn’t know it, but languages came easily, and I’d spent years in Switzerland.
