Page 58 of Liar & Champion
I hung on while the wind blew my hair around and her engine growled.
“What instrument do you want to play?” the cellist asked loud enough to be heard over the engine and the wind.
“I’m not musical,” I said, shaking my head.
“What instrument do you want to play?” the girl repeated. Was she psychotic? Maybe I was mishearing her.
“I’m not musical,” I repeated, as loud as I could.
“If I have to play a guitar, you have to play something,” Trixie said over her shoulder.
“Why?” I yelled back. Her thick curls were flying all over the place while we drove into the desert.
“It’s part of my Girl’s Night,” the cellist said, like it was obvious.
I just nodded like that made sense. No point arguing with the mental institute escapees. When we got to the shooting range, a gorgeous redhead was waiting for us at the entrance gate. Her bright red hair and big green eyes kind of clashed with the camouflage clothes and the semi-automatic rifle in her arms.
“We’ve got a newcomer? Hi there!” The redhead said, beaming at me like she was truly happy to see me.
“Minx. This is Kitten,” Jezebel said, taking the water out of my hand, opening it, taking a drink and then passing it back to me. “It’s not poisoned, I promise.” She winked and went throughthe gate to nod at the tan brunette behind the redhead who held another big gun.
“Felicia. Isn’t that a bit large for you?”
“I like them muy, muy gordo,” she said, only the word was pronounced in such a way as to make you think she was saying something else. That was a sexual innuendo right there. “Hola, nueva chica,” she said, looking me over. “Are you on the team?”
“She’s thinking about it,” Jezebel said with a broad smile at them then another wink at me. I was starting to feel weird about her winks.
“I’m the gold-digger who got Nix Death-Hammer to marry me,” I said with a bubbly smile. “It’s so nice to meet you, Felicia and Minx. Are you all part of the team too? I’m not. I just live off Nix and do absolutely nothing else. It’s the way to go.”
Everyone stared at me.
I laughed and sounded hysterical. Was it the water? It tasted mostly fine. “Joking. I’m in it for the sex. Obviously.” I took another large drink because at that point I was okay if I dropped dead.
Trixie sighed heavily and pushed me forward towards Minx, her hand as strong as the rest of her. “She’s being stalked. Nix is taking her in until he can apprehend the guy. Do you want people to hate you?” she asked me, looking troubled.
“I don’t mind it.” I wrinkled my nose because this really wasn’t going well. “Sorry, it’s just that when Horse commented on my lack of surgical enhancements or makeup, I felt like that time in high school all over again when my best guy friend told me that my breasts weren’t good enough for him, not like Stina’s. All of you, perfect breasts, surgically or not, and makeup so you all look like superstars although without it you’d still be absolutely stunning, it goes to my head. I’m thirsty and tired and I don’t want to have to learn to shoot guns, I just want to go toschool and paint without having to worry about the guy I’m with getting shot. Sorry. I need a nap.”
“And a taco,” Felicia said sounding sympathetic. She came over and rubbed my arm with an expression of commiseration. “I get it. Your feelings are valid, and you are totally justified in being frustrated. It’s not fair to be targeted when you just want to go ahead and live your life. Now that you’ve gotten that out, do you want to learn how to shoot this cucaracha’s balls off when he comes for you again?”
I blinked at her and took the gun she handed me, a small thing that looked insignificant in my hand. “Do I have to shoot his balls? I really don’t want to see exploded testicles ever in my life.”
Trixie snorted. “It’s not that bad. Just looks like creamed rice.”
Jezebel laughed out loud and smacked Trixie’s shoulder. “Look at that college education coming out all over the place.”
“Like creamed rice,” Felicia muttered and then burst out laughing.
“Let’s get this started. We’ve got to get finished up before eight. She needs to be home so her husband can personally demonstrate self-defense moves for Kitten,” Jezebel said, leading the way past Minx and to a field far away.
The ladies shot a lot of guns while I focused on the one little one with the redhead to help me. She was soft-spoken and super sweet, which must have been why they had her give me lessons. By four we were at the taco place, by six we were at the club, and by eight I was back at the Providence, me and Trix being dropped off by Jezebel who waved and shouted something about shooting testicles before she pulled out.
Trix took a deep breath and then gave me a small smile while we walked towards the lobby. “You okay? You didn’t talk a lot after you started shooting guns.”
I was so tired. After I boarded, I needed to sleep for at least a day. “I feel bad for misjudging you all. Just because you’re beautiful doesn’t mean you’re evil.”
Her smile broadened. “There does seem to be some correlation, though. Jezebel really worked hard to be her most approachable self for you today. If she winked at you one more time, I was going to have a seizure. If you really want to do some jewelry, I can get you started with it.”
“Really? Tomorrow?”
