Page 63 of To Build a Home
“Payton,” Rhyland breathes, but I need a moment. I hold my hand up to force him to stop.
Cradling Gabby closer into my chest, I slowly put distance between us.
“Payton, baby, don’t leave like this. What Ollie said—”
I shake my head over and over.
“Gabby and I are going to go over to my mom’s, and just…I need a minute.” When Rhyland opens his mouth to speak, I plead. “Please.”
He snaps his mouth shut and concedes, stepping back, and nods. The look in his eyes breaks my heart.
“If that’s what you want.” No, it’s not what I want, but it’s what we need at the moment. How could this possibly be what I want?
But as I leave the kitchen and take Gabby upstairs to pack a small bag for her and me, my brother’s words can’t stop playing on a loop in my head.
Whore.
Shotgun wedding.
Terrible role model for my daughter.
No better than Joel.
I thought I had built up a strong wall and that nothing could hurt me, but every mean thing my brother said catapulted rocks into my hard exterior, creating cracks for doubt and shame to leak through.
Ever the gentleman, I find Rhyland waiting for us at the front door. I’d say I’m surprised, but I’m not, because that’s just who Rhyland is. He holds his hands out to take the car seat once I have Gabby buckled in her seat.
He quietly follows me out to my car and gets Gabby settled in the back seat. I hesitate to get in the car.
Don’t do it. Don’t leave. Why are you leaving?
“Payton,” he pleads, and I sniffle back the tears fighting to fall as I turn to face him. He is so close that his calming scent swarms around me.
“I meant what I said this morning, baby.” He doesn’t elaborate, but I know exactly what he is referring to.I won’t give you up.
His finger tips my chin upward at the exact moment the tears fall again. His gaze feels so intense, as if he were crawling into my soul to hold his heart in my hands.
“Take all the time you need, but remember to come back to me.”
He leans forward and brushes the smallest kiss to my lips before placing a second one on my forehead, then stepping back.
I should reach out to him, grab him and cling to him, and never let him go. But there’s a reason my brother’s words stuck to me like glue, and I need to just take a moment to fully grasp what is going on in our world now. Even if that means I’m breaking not only the man I love’s heart, but mine as well. But as I get in the car and look in the rearview mirror, I have to remember that the most important thing is Gabby—forever and always, she must come first.
One thing my brother had wrong is that I’m not choosing sides. For me, there is no Team Ollie or Team Rhyland—I’m solely Team Gabby.
Chapter 31
Rhyland
All my life, silence has never bothered me. At the Mosby house, you couldn’t escape the noise. However, at mine, the silence welcomed you with open arms. Even in the kitchen, I preferred silence over music playing. The sounds of pans sizzling were a symphony in itself.
But today, as I walk back inside after watching Payton drive off, the silence within these four walls becomes suffocating.
Did I want her to leave? Absolutely not. I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go. I wanted to tell her those things that Ollie said were utter bullshit, and even he knew that. But I know Payton well enough that I could see those words swirling in her eyes and embedding themselves in her skin. She needed a moment, as she called it. I recall her taking lots of “moments” when we were younger. It was her way of processing. I could seethat she was overwhelmed, and as much as it hurt to let her go, I didn’t have any other choice.
I’ve completely lost my mind when it comes to Payton Mosby. Something like that phrase “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours” comes to mind. I have to believe that she will come back.
This morning, I was on the verge of finally telling Payton my feelings with those three little words I’ve never shared—I love you.
