Page 84 of Second Time Around
Yes, she wanted this in ways that frightened her. This exquisite melt of utter satiation, the masculine weight of him, the warmth of his skin, the beat of his heart against her breasts, the scent of sexual perfume, the knowledge that she had driven him to a desire so intense that he forgot all his well-bred self-control.
But she also wanted the teasing literary texts, the shelter of his body when the helicopter rotors whipped up the wind, the flash of laughter in his eyes when they met hers at a stuffy party, the seductive choreography of working beside him in the kitchen, the wonder on his face as he talked about the kids.
She wanted to share the journey he was about to embark on because she saw it happening in him. The longing to be fully himself, to no longer allow others to define him.
But he could make that journey without her. And maybe he needed to.
It struck her that the job offer might have been his way of taking care of her in the future when they were no longer lovers. Maybe he didn’t even realize it, but he was foreseeing the end as well. And being Will, he felt responsible.
As he slid out of her and rolled away to remove the condom, she felt a choking sensation of loss, both physical and emotional.
But he came back to snuggle them both under the duvet, legs intertwined as he cradled her on his wide, hard chest. “I didn’t mean to be that ... abrupt,” he said, stroking her shoulder with a touch so light that it almost tickled.
“I told you yes and I meant it,” she said, feathering her fingertips over his pecs in return.
His chest rose and fell on a deep breath. “Kyra, I care about you. Deeply. But I—”
She lifted her finger to his lips, laying it across them to shush him. “I don’t expect you to love me. I didn’t even mean to tell you. It slipped out because I was being honest.”
“Your honesty is one of the things I admire about you.” The stroking stopped. “I’ll be honest with you in return. I thought I loved Petra. You know what happened.”
He didn’t trust his own feelings anymore. She could understand that. “She’s charming and dazzlingly beautiful, and she had your parents’ seal of approval. That’s a powerful combination.”
He shifted under her and she knew she’d been too honest, but he surprised her. “It’s almost a relief to hear that. I wondered why I had been so wrong about her.” His fingers began to move over her skin again.
Exhaustion rolled over her like a billow of fog, hazing her mind and making her eyelids heavy. The day had been long. The emotions had been intense. She was tired of being mature and understanding and self-sacrificing.
All she wanted was to savor this last night in Will’s arms, in Will’s huge bed, with Will’s body pressed against, and maybe later, inside hers. “No more talking,” she said. “I’m wrung out.”
He settled her more comfortably, his lips against her temple. “Sleep as long as you want. Tomorrow is Saturday.”
The luxury of that thought floated with her into the temporary oblivion of slumber.
Will lay awake, staring at the shadowy ceiling twenty feet over his head while Kyra slumbered in his arms. The curves of her breasts were soft against his side, her even breathing whispered over his chest, the silk of her hair cascaded across his shoulder and arm.
He’d behaved like a brute, while this incredible woman had shown a patience and understanding he didn’t deserve. The anger that had blazed through him when she said they were finished had been uncontrollable. Where the hell had that come from?
Guilt. He’d failed to help her because he had underestimated her integrity. He’d been so enamored of his role as knight in shining armor that he hadn’t thought through his plan with any clarity. Of course, she would see all the ramifications, because she was smart. That was part of her attraction for him.
But what an asshole he was to vent his anger on her. It was his fault, not hers.
God, it had been hot sex, though. She’d been right there with him, her orgasm exploding around his cock. He closed his eyes to relive the memory. He’d had her tight nipple sucked in between his lips when he’d felt the first clench of her muscles. Her fingers had dug hard into his shoulders as she pushed up underneath him with a power that blew his mind. He’d held off his finish as long as he could, wanting to feel every one of her contractions, driving her to more.
His cock began to stir, but he wasn’t going to wake her. Yet.
He opened his eyes again. He was avoiding the thing he didn’t want to deal with. That she loved him.
He should have lied. Should have said the words she wanted to hear. How hard would that have been?
A silent groan formed in his throat.
It was impossible. He’d accused Kyra of being a chameleon, but she’d always been open and direct with him. He had to answer her with the same respect.
What he’d felt for Petra was a steady flame. His feelings for Kyra were a furnace blast that verged on obsession. He texted her between meetings, digging up quotations to coax her into a reply. He accepted dinner invitations that he used to refuse just to fill the time until Kyragot off work from Stratus. During the dinners, he fantasized about how he would make love to her.
Tightening his grip on her, he tried not to count the seconds ticking by.
If he asked her to stay with him, she might. He could use her love as leverage if she thought he needed her. But this intense infatuation would inevitably burn itself out, and he would once again find himself having to hurt a woman he cared about.
And that would damage both of them in profound ways.
As a moonbeam painted a stripe of silver across the duvet, Will faced the fact that he’d never before had to give up anything he truly wanted. Was that a testament to his determination or to his selfishness? Kyra might be able to tell him, but he sure as hell didn’t know himself.
So he was going to let her walk out of his life tomorrow morning without telling her that she was ripping his guts out.
Because she deserved to go with a clear conscience.
