Page 73 of Panther's Magpie
I give up quickly. “Okay. Thank you.”
“Why don’t you head out onto the porch, and I’ll meet you soon?”
“Sure.”
I head out to the porch. Instead of sitting on one of the chairs, I sit on the railing and lean against one of the pillars. A few minutes later, he joins me.
“I don’t know how you can sit up there. My ass would be dead,” he says as he takes a seat.
“My tailbone is numb,” I confess, making him chuckle.
As I stare up at the stars, I gather my courage. “Is everything okay?”
Panther sighs. “Come sit next to me.”
Without giving it a second thought, I move toward him. As soon as my ass hits the seat, he places his hand on my thigh.
“I feel like a failure,” he blurts out, catching me off guard.
Out of all of the things he could have said, that wasn’t even a guess of mine.
I shake my head. “What? Why?”
“Multiple reasons. This shit with Aspen. Not knowing if she’s okay or not is eating at me.”
“That’s nothing new. We have both felt that way since she was taken. What else?” I push.
He proceeds to tell me about how the Ragged Anarchy hit the bar and rigged it to blow while covering it in gasoline.
“I can’t even keep my brothers safe,” he says as he finishes.
“I…I didn’t see that coming,” I admit to him.
“Neither did I, and it fucking kills me. Those assholes could have killed my brothers and innocents without a fucking care,” he growls, anger in his voice.
“That’s not on you though, Panther. That’s on them. They did it, not you.” I reach over, rubbing his shoulder to offer him whatever comfort I can.
“Yeah, but I should have seen it coming.”
His voice is so small and weak that it scares me. I’ve never heard him be so vulnerable before. I like that he is opening up to me, but I don’t like that he feels this way. He is my big, strong, alpha leader. It only goes to show me that he can’t take the weight of the world on his shoulders without some help.
I turn toward him and rest my arm along the back of the outdoor couch. “Are you a mind reader?”
“What? No.” He shakes his head with a frown.
“Then how could you have seen it coming? I don’t know if you know this, but you are only human. The only actions you are responsible for are your own.”
“I hate feeling like this,” he mutters.
Insecure. He’s feeling insecure.
Taking a deep breath, I take a risk and tell him about my family.
“For most of my childhood, I wondered what I did wrong to chase my parents away. Can you imagine being a child and thinking that your parents don’t love you? I mean, I know it’s the truth now, but back then, I would have done anything to get their love. Instead, they would buy me gifts without even caring if I liked them. They provided money for the house staff to keep me fed and cared for.” I shake my head. “I was jealous of other children because their families loved them. They might not have the fancy stuff I had, but they went home and had parents helping them with homework. Their parents would chaperone trips or show up to the bake sale. I had no one. No one that ever stayed, at least.”
“That’s rough,” he says, giving me all of his attention.
“I’m not saying this to diminish your feelings. I’m telling you because we all have our insecurities. I could have let it overtake me, but I didn’t. I took what I learned and I made myself better. I might not be where I want to be, but I know I will get there, and if I ever have a child, I will treat them better than I was treated.”
