Page 98 of Can We Skip to the Good Part?
Retired Inner Warriors
Well, at least it had been a memorable Christmas. That’s what Ella told herself, anyway—a flimsy consolation prize to keep her from slipping into the familiar abyss. It had been two days. Max had reached out multiple times, always with soft, apologetic messages full of concern and uncertainty. But they hadn’t seen each other.
I think we could use a little space.
Ella paused and typed some more.
Can we take some time to get our heads together?
A day? A week?
Ella went quiet. She hadn’t known. She still didn’t. After some back and forth inside her own head, she canceled her New Year’s trip home. She needed some distance between her and the rest of the world, and that included Max. She wasn’t sure space would help, or if anything would. The common denominator inevery single scenario seemed to be her. She couldn’t suddenly make herself more special or deserving of a spot in the lives of those she loved. She closed her eyes and lay back on the couch under the pile of blankets that had served as her fortress. She was behind on all of her projects for Cover Crush, but couldn’t quite bring herself to focus on romance when hers was on the brink of ending. She’d never felt the intensity of feelings she experienced for Max, and she knew exactly what that meant. The level of heartbreak she was experiencing only confirmed it. She was in love. And how do you walk away from that? Also, how do you stay when the flag is waving red? Her head and her heart were in a vicious war.
“You’re still on the couch,” Rachel said, coming to sit at her feet. She’d just come from a New Year’s lunch date with some of her friends, meaning she looked terrific with those lazy beach curls and a pale pink sweater that said soft yet in charge. She’d likely even talked to other humans like a civilized person. She lifted Ella’s legs into her lap and plopped her arms on top of the blankets. “Hey, kid. Gotta tell you something. This is not the inner warrior energy we need.”
Ella didn’t so much as lift her head from the couch pillow. “I checked, and my inner warrior had to retire. She sells insurance online now.”
“Then we need to rescue her ASAP. Nothing that’s happened here is irreparable.”
“You only say that because you don’t have my brand of baggage.”
“No. I have my own. We all do. And if mine were hanging me up, you’d talk me through how to maneuver around it. Make it my bitch. You have an unworthiness complex.”
Ella held up a finger. “We prefer the term chronic invisibility. Or maybe conditional relevance. Background character syndrome? Wallflowers R Us?”
“Whatever you want to call it, it’s not going to get in the way of what you want in this life. I didn’t want you to be with Max. You and I both know that. That was me letting my baggage get in the way.”
“Jealousy?”
“More like a member of the selfish bitch society.”
“Ah,” Ella smothered a smile. Rachel said it. She hadn’t.
“But once I resigned membership, I can safely report that Max makes you smile like I’ve never seen in the years I’ve known you.” In response, Ella tossed a blanket over her head, unsure she was prepared to hear all this. “Doesn’t hold a candle to Britney or even the ridiculous Hoopties.”
Ella peeked out from the blanket. “You think Max tops Hoopties?”
“As far as you go, all signs point to yes. And I’m not saying that your feelings aren’t valid. I’m just hoping you’ll at least hear her out. If she blows it again, you can kick her to the curb. She’s definitely not a perfect person. But who is?”
Ella sobered, ready to go there. “You had a much harsher characterization of Max a few months ago.”
Rachel nodded and swept a strand of hair behind her shoulder. “It’s possible I’d blown a few things out of proportion to soothe my ego after we split.” She shrugged. “I don’t like that I did that. I can also acknowledge that I wasn’t the best version of myself when we dated.” She patted Ella’s blanket. “She probably put up with a lot of less-than-mature behavior.”
Ella nodded, taking the new information in stride. Given what she knew about Max and what she’d suspected for a while now, it made sense. It was nice to hear the words from Rachel’s mouth, however. Cards were now entirely on the table, even if they should have been from the beginning. She could get angry at Rachel for not being forthcoming and lecture her on friendship, trust, and honesty. But did she have any right?
“I appreciate you clearing that up,” she said. She would offer Rachel as much grace as she’d shown Ella not long ago, because they’d all made many mistakes on this journey. “I know breakups are hard.” She nearly cried saying the word, wondering if she’d be dealing with one of her own in the not-so-distant future. The reality made nausea bubble up in her stomach. She didn’t want to ever return to life without Max, but everything felt particularly bleak. “But hearing Max is a great person isn’t exactly shocking. I know she’s great. But is she great for me?”
“In other words, does her baggage match yours?”
Ella smiled, imagining them trying to cram a million suitcases in a tiny car. “Good question.” She looked behind her meekly. “Do we have popcorn? I would die if there was hot popcorn with butter.”
Rachel laughed. “Coming right up. And after that? We’re getting you off the couch and touching some grass.”
“Grass is overrated.”
Rachel stood, adjusting her sweater and brushing imaginary lint from her jeans. “You don’t have to make every decision today. But youdohave to put on pants.”
Ella gave a half-hearted groan. “That’s asking a lot.”
