Page 69 of All Your Lies
I hold her stare as she regards me with confusion in her eyes. “I’ve wanted you since we were young. All the best memories have been with you by my side. At first, it was innocent. Your presence alone made me happy. You made everything feel like Christmas morning. I’d go to sleep at night with a smile on my face, knowing I’d see you the following morning. Then, it turned into something deeper. The way you looked, your sweet coconut smell, your laugh, your smile, your witty, smart-ass personality were addictive, and it no longer became just Christmas morning. It was the Fourth of July when I hugged you, fireworks shooting through my body in vivid colors. It was New Year’s Eve when we sat and listened to music together in the dark, so achingly close. A party for us, and us alone. No alcohol was necessary for the intoxicating effect you had on me. You have and will always be everything I’ve ever wanted, ever needed. I want you to have thesame feelings for me as I have for you. I want you to want me, and I was worried I wouldn’t be enough.”
A tear escapes the confines of her lid and slowly descends her cheek. Alexa has always been strong, so the tear she sheds isn’t taken lightly.
“Gage. I-I,” she stutters, and it kills me.
“Don’t say anything. I just—I just wanted to tell you,” I say, anxiously running my hand against my scalp. The idea of her rejecting me after I confessed my feelings is agonizing.
“But—”
“Don’t,” I plead.
She looks at me for a beat, her eyes lingering before dropping back to the counter; a nervous cough escapes her throat. “I appreciate your honesty. Something you haven’t given me since making your grand appearance back into my life. You know, if you had told me it was you from the start, things between us would be different.”
“Would we be as close as we are now, or would we be in the same place as we were before I left for prison?”
“I don’t know—”
“Exactly. Maybe I should have gone about it differently—”
“You think?” She mutters.
“But,” When she gives me a dirty look, I decide to stop while I’m ahead. This conversation will get us nowhere. What’s done is done. “All this is irrelevant now. I was your first kiss and your first time, and we’re getting married. That’s all that matters.”
“Marco was my first kiss.”
My body tenses. “When?”
“A party in college,” she says with a dismissive shrug.
“What party?”
“A costume party.”
“The angel and devil one?” I ask.
“How did you...?” Her mind works over that night. “You—”
“You looked beautiful that night in the garden.”
“How long have you been watching me?”
“Since I got out.”
“And you never thought to, I don’t know, just show yourself or write me back even once?” she asks as her hand lands on her hip.
“There were things that needed to be taken care of first. I needed to weaken my father’s power and influence.”
What she doesn’t know is I wanted to believe I deserved her, and I thought those actions would make me believe it, but they didn’t, and I don’t know if they ever will.
“Bullshit, Gage. Do you have any idea the hole that was left when you went away? How I cried myself to sleep night after night, or how I prayed that you’d write me back, but you never did? My heart broke into a million pieces. I felt abandoned by you. You hurt me, and you never came back to fix it once you were free. You disappeared.” Tears rim her eyes once more.
A sharp pain pierces my chest as I listened to her account of how my departure affected her. I knew she’d be upset, but I didn’t think it ran that deep. Am I enough of an asshole to find comfort in knowing my absence hurt her just as much as it hurt me? Yes, yes, I am.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be that upset.”
As I walk around the kitchen island, the need to hold her and make a promise to never leave her side again rages through me. I want her to know that I’m here forever.
“Don’t even think about it. We haven’t finished.”
