Page 42 of Roped in Chaos
Take care of yourself
-Princess
Tears spill over and onto the paper in my hand. She left. She left me. She chose to run away and not choose us. I stiffen my back and wipe my face. Fuck. This. Shit. I throw the paper back onto her bed, grab the plate, and walk out of the room. I have chores to do. I can’t waste my time moping over some girl.
* * *
Well, I’ll admit that chores are more work without her here. I forgot just how much she did to help out around here. I haven’t had tar hands from picking tomatoes once this year, and all of a sudden that tomato vine smell is doused on me like a new cologne. There’s no escaping it now.
Chores are also eerily quiet without having someone singing or talking through every single one. I feel like I have to put in headphones just to ease the silence. It’s just way too quiet.
My mind keeps replaying where things could have gone wrong. Where I fucked up or where I read into something that maybe wasn’t there. Every time I question things, I have to remind myself that she even said that she felt it too. So I’m not fucking insane.
I haven’t even gone and talked to Phillis and Peter yet. Honestly, I’m too pissed about it. They had to have known. She had to get to the airport somehow. Why couldn’t they have told me? Why keep this shit from me?
* * *
After chores are done, I decide to head into town and get a drink. Everything I do around here is reminding me of her. I need something strong to get my mind off of her. I jump in the truck, crank the music, and speed off down the dirt road. Fuck these feelings.
I pull up to the bar and throw my truck in park before I jump out and march into the bar. I throw myself onto the first available stool and immediately flag the bartender down.
“Yikes, rough day?” he asks as he walks up.
“Yeah, you could say that. Uh, lemme just get a whiskey neat please.”
I watch as he picks up a bottle and pours two fingers deep.
“This one is on the house,” he says as he pushes the glass in front of me.
“Thanks,” I murmur as I throw the whole thing back. I immediately pull my wallet out for my card and raise a finger up to get another one. I will need a lot of this tonight. Whatever it takes to forget her.
“Just open a tab,” I say as he pours me another and takes the card. Tonight, I’m drinking to forget. “And just keep ’em coming.”
Chapter33
Numb
Esme
The plane ride from Oklahoma went by so quickly, yet so slowly. I couldn’t process the time truly. I zone out time and time again, staring out the window wishing I was anywhere but where I am. I can’t stop thinking about Asher.
Before I know it, I’m landing in LA. I shuffle off the plane and proceed to the luggage pick-up area. I sit there and wait for the bags to file out, watching the conveyor belt go round and round. I think about all the times he picked me up and swung me in a circle, and my throat burns. I snap out of it to realize everyone around me is gone, and my bag is the last on the carousel. I huff as I lug it off. The bag is oddly heavy. The air is oddly heavy. Everything is just too much right now.
I pull out my phone and order a rideshare. They’re only a couple minutes out, so I sit on the nearby bench and wait. I scroll through my photos, and I’m immediately filled with regret. I didn’t take many pictures while I was there. I love the fact that I was able to distance myself from the technology I had become addicted to, but in the same breath, I wish I was able to look back at the memories we made. Fuck.
The car pulls up, so I jump in and head back to my house. This will be my first time seeing it since I saw Daddy covered in blood on the floor. The detectives collected all of the evidence possible, and there were professionals hired to come in and clean the blood that was spilled. They also picked up anything broken or affected by the incident, so I’m not sure what I am coming home to.
“We’re here,” the driver snaps at me.
I shake my head to clear the thoughts from my head and look up. Sure as fuck, here we sit.
“Oh-oh. Thank you,” I say as I crawl out of the car. I get my luggage from the trunk, and as soon as I close it, the car speeds off. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. It takes me a moment to do anything more, purely because I’m fucking scared. I’m scared of what I’m going to see. I’m scared because I’m alone, and sure I have money, but I don’t havehim.Tears well in my eyes again, and I look up at the sky in an attempt to will them back.
“Not right now,” I say to myself. Another deep breath leaves my lips as I open my eyes and push forward. I make it to the front door and fish the keys out of my backpack. My hand shakes as I turn to the right key and put it in the lock. The lock clicks open, and I turn the handle and shove the door open. I needed to open it fast, just like ripping off a Band-Aid. I’m not sure I would have gone through with it if it wasn’t quick.
I feel like my heart drops as I inhale quickly. It looks so normal. Tears start to pull, and I can’t hold them back any longer. I bite my bottom lip as I walk through the entryway, looking around at what my life was. It’s so quiet here. It’s so dead here. There are no veggies growing in the backyard and no horses whinnying in the field. The dog isn’t scratching himself in the corner, making the tag on the collar jingle. And I’m by myself. Once again, I find myself missing Asher.
I don’t want to keep staring at the living room, so I drag my bag inside and kick the front door closed. I make sure I lock it before looking up the stairs. Fuck, this is really going to fucking suck.
