‘I don’t think I’d be very good at my job if I was.’ Drew laughed again and a wave of contentment washed over Eden that felt almost more dangerous than the attraction she had towards him. It was such a perfect moment and she wanted this, for her and Teddie. A warm kitchen, ringing to the sound of laughter, a happy little boy busy with the things that brought him joy, and someone who loved them both, who they loved in return. Except Drew didn’t love them, and she couldn’t let herself build up a fantasy where he was part of that picture, otherwise she’d be getting ideas that were just as ridiculous as her mum’s crackpot conspiracies. She turned away from Drew so her face didn’t give her away.
‘His gifts might leave a lot to be desired, but Marmalade is a very handsome cat and you chose the perfect name for him.’
‘Strictly speaking he’s Marmalade the Second. Flora always wanted a ginger cat and she’d already chosen the name Marmalade for when she eventually got one. But she died before she had the chance, so as soon as I had my own place I bought one. Marmalade the First lived for fifteen years and the one over there is his replacement. It’s probably weird to give both cats the same name, but it makes it feel like Flora is still around in some way.’
‘It’s not weird, and you’re a really lovely man, Drew, and I like you more than I’ve liked anyone in a very long time.’ The words came out before she could stop them, but they were true and it didn’t matter how risky it was, her feelings for him had already tipped over into something she could no longer control. She’d tried to keep the conversation light, but no matter how hard she tried to push down the feelings she had for him, they just kept coming back up. She couldn’t pretend any more that this was just friendship, not on her part at least.
‘Thank you. You’re…’ He was obviously struggling with what to say in response, and she held up her hand. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel awkward and she knew how hard this kind of thing was for him, but suddenly it felt incredibly hard for her too.
‘You don’t have to say anything in response. I just wanted you to know.’ Eden didn’t want him to look at her and see the emotion betrayed in her eyes. She’d put her feelings on the line and his response hadn’t been what she’d hoped for, exactly as she’d feared all along. Embarrassment burned in her throat, but she needed to act as if her comments had been no big deal, otherwise the risk of losing his friendship could become very real. Turning away from him, she crouched down on the floor next to her son. ‘What have you got there, Teddie, look at the pretty colours.’
Tipping the bubble tube upside down, she focused on the droplets of liquid falling in slow motion, doing her best not to think about anything else. She’d told him the truth and she couldn’t take it back. Deep down she didn’t want to, because it would have come out one way or another and he’d always told her how much he valued honesty. All she could do was hope that it hadn’t ruined their friendship, because she wasn’t sure what she’d do if she lost that.
13
Ever since the new hospital had opened, the Friends of St Piran’s had run at least two fundraisers a year. This time around, for the autumn event, they’d decided to involve the wider community and raise funds in conjunction with two local charities. Members of staff at the hospital had been asked to put forward suggestions about which charities should be supported, and Eden had proposed the Three Ports’ Autism Trust. She couldn’t have been the only one who’d suggested it, because it had been one of the two charities selected, along with one that supported cancer patients and their families in the local area.
When Gwen, who was chairperson of the Friends of St Piran’s, had asked Eden to help out by running a stall, she’d been desperate to do her bit, not least because her charity had been chosen. She’d just had to make sure that both her parents would be around to look after Teddie. Felix was already home from his brief trip back to the US and he would happily have done it, if he hadn’t already booked to view some flats so that he had everything in place before starting his new job. It was only after he got offered the position that he admitted he’d already worked his notice in San Francisco and instructed a realtor to proceed with the sale of his condo in Potrero Hill. Her brother had clearly made his mind up a while ago to come home for good, and she knew he’d support her with Teddie in whatever ways she needed him to, but for today she’d have to rely on her mum and dad.
Once her parents had confirmed they were free to look after Teddie, Eden had been offered the choice between the hook-a-duck stall and the tombola. She’d opted for the latter, in case anyone had asked her to demonstrate how the ducks should be hooked. She had the kind of coordination that meant she found it impossible to thread cotton through a needle, without missing the eye altogether. So her chances of hooking a duck while it bobbed about on the water were probably non-existent.
The tombola stall was one of the biggest at the fair. Prizes had been collected over a number of months, and anyone who got a ticket ending in either a zero or five would win a prize. It meant that for every five tickets someone purchased, there was a very good chance of winning. Eden was running the stall along with Meg and Eve, so there could be two of them there at one time, just in case someone needed to make an emergency dash to the loo. It was a strong possibility after being plied with drinks by Gwen, who was marching from stall to stall reminding her volunteers of the need to stay hydrated in the sunshine, despite the fact that it was now well into October. The Indian summer seemed determined to stretch itself out as far as possible and despite a few autumnal-feeling days, the day of the fundraiser had dawned sunny and far warmer than anyone could have anticipated, even Gwen.
‘I think it’s all the praying I’ve been doing for good weather, but I didn’t expect it to be hotter than it sometimes is in August. You’ll be on your feet all day, talking to customers and your mouth will as dry as a camel’s backside in a sandstorm if you don’t drink enough water.’ Gwen’s face had been completely deadpan when Eden and Eve had tried to refuse the water she’d brought round to their stall on her second round of drinks deliveries.
‘You paint a vivid picture with your words, Gwen.’ Eve had laughed, taking the proffered bottle of water. ‘And seeing as I already look like a camel’s backside, I don’t want to feel like one too.’
‘You’re beautiful, Eve, and I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous, which says a lot when I’m on a committee with a certain parish councillor who rang the police when someone put two of his gnomes in a compromising position.’ Gwen had a twinkle in her eye that would have been a dead giveaway if she’d been questioned by police about the incident. ‘I’ve got no idea how that could possibly have happened. It could have been anyone who didn’t like the fact he voted against upgrading the children’s playground. All that aside, if I hear you talking about yourself like that again, Eve, you’ll have me to answer to. You should never doubt how lovely you are, but I think you might feel better if you cut back a bit on working extra hours.’
‘It comes with the territory, doesn’t it?’ Eve’s tone was casual as she shrugged, but the muscles in her neck looked strained. It always seemed as if she was holding something in. She smiled at all the right moments, but it never quite reached her eyes and Eden suspected her tiredness was down to more than just the job. She looked like one of those people being interviewed on the news, who’d survived a major trauma, but who were never going to shake that haunted look from their eyes. It was strange that both the new doctors on the team had that same slight air of melancholy, despite being friendly and warm. Although everyone had their baggage, Eden knew that better than anyone, and for all she knew she shared that same haunted look too. It might feel as if she hadn’t really got below the surface with her new colleagues, because they hadn’t opened up to her about their pasts, but the same was true of her. Drew was the only one who knew the full extent of what she’d been through with Jesse, so it was no wonder she felt closer to him than she did to anyone else at the hospital.
‘You just make sure you don’t let yourself get burnt out, Eve. Life isn’t all about work, don’t learn that the hard way. You need to make room for letting your hair down and having some fun.’ Gwen set down the second bottle of water on the edge of the stall. ‘And drink lots of water if you want your face to look like a baby’s bum, instead of a camel’s!’
With her trademark wink and hoot of laughter, Gwen disappeared into the growing crowd of people milling around the fair. Eden and Eve barely had a moment to stop after that, especially once Meg had been roped into helping out on another stall, but there was a great atmosphere, and everyone who came to the stall to buy tickets seemed to be in good spirits. Eden’s parents had said they’d bring Teddie along at some point, but she hadn’t seen them yet. If Teddie was having one of his more emotional days, she’d rather they didn’t bring him anyway, it might all be a bit too overwhelming for him. Some people with autism struggled with crowds and loud noises, but it didn’t seem to affect Teddie. It was just hard for him to be anywhere but home on a day when his emotions were heightened.
‘Right then, Benji, this is the stall you wanted to come to, where you can win a prize.’ She recognised Drew’s voice before she even turned around from rearranging the remaining prizes, and saw him standing there. He was next to a young lad who must have been a least six feet tall and who immediately stuck out his hand to Eden.
‘I’m Benji, and I like planes, and trains, and lions, and rabbits, and seahorses and bears.’
‘Hi Benji.’ A smile spread across Eden’s face as she took the young man’s hand. He was like a walking ball of energy. ‘My name’s Eden and I like all of those things too, I also like elephants and giraffes, and big bowls of ice cream.’ They were the first things that came into Eden’s head, but Benji seemed to approve.
‘Me too. My favourite flavour is chocolate, but I like vanilla, and caramel, and mint choc chip, but definitely not coffee and I don’t like dogs. I got chased by a dog when I went to see my auntie.’ Benji screwed up his face. ‘I live at forty-three Polperro Drive, Port Tremellien and my postcode is?—’
‘I don’t think Eden needs to know your postcode, Benji.’ Drew smiled, his tone gentle. ‘Why don’t we buy some tickets and see if you’re lucky enough to win a prize. Remember, you need a ticket that has a zero or a five at the end to be a winner.’
‘A zero or a five, a zero or a five, a zero or a five.’ Benji repeated the mantra as he handed over a ten-pound note. ‘Ten tickets please, Eden.’
‘Okay Benji, I’m going to get you to spin the drum and then you can pick your tickets out. If you get a ticket with a five or a zero at the end, we can match it up with the prize that has the same number.’
‘Let’s do it!’ Benji gave a shout of excitement and then spun the drum so vigorously that it was in danger of flying off the table, before pulling out the tickets one by one. By the time he was at ticket number eight without a winner and getting more and more disappointed, Eden found herself silently praying that the next one would end in the right number.
‘Look at the ticket, Benji, what does it say?’ Drew’s face lit up with a smile as he pointed at the number Benji had just picked out and all the feelings that Eden had for him, which she’d tried to push down over and over again, came flooding back to the surface.
‘It’s a five, it’s a five!’ Benji was jumping up and down on the spot, waving his ticket as if he’d won the lottery, and Eden caught sight of the number 115. Turning behind her, she spotted the matching ticket, stuck to the chest of a soft toy dog. The one animal Benji said he didn’t like. With a sleight of hand that any magician would be proud of, she whipped off the number and stuck it to a box containing a Lego plane, pulling off the plane’s original ticket and shoving it in her pocket.
‘Congratulations, Benji, do you want to see what prize you’ve won?’ Standing back, she couldn’t help smiling again as he scanned the prizes behind her, his face still a picture of excitement.
‘Look just over there, Benji.’ Drew pointed in the direction of the plane, and the whoop of joy that Benji omitted a split second later made her jump.
