‘Oh James, thank God you’re here.’ Rachael stood up and flung herself against the man, who held her up as she sobbed against his chest.
‘It’s alright, darling. He’s going to be okay.’ Despite his words, worry was etched on his face as he looked towards Eden. ‘Is there any more news?’
‘The team are with him now and, as soon as they can, someone will come and talk to you about what’s going on.’ Eden felt almost robotic as she parroted the words she knew would bring Callum’s father no comfort at all. Not knowing what was going on with their son must feel like hell, but there was a very real possibility that a new kind of hell was coming, one that would never end if they lost their son.
‘I’ll give you a moment together.’ She said the words quietly, but they must have shocked Rachael, because she let go of her husband and whirled around to look at Eden.
‘Please don’t go. I don’t want them to come and speak to us when you’re not here. If there are long-term repercussions because of how long Callum wasn’t breathing, we need someone here who understands what he means to us. I need a friendly face.’ The situation Rachael was outlining was almost certainly the best-case scenario, but Eden understood what she was asking. She wanted someone in the room who saw Callum as more than just a patient.
‘I’ll get you both some water, just to give you a few moments alone, and then I’ll be right back, I promise.’ Eden put a hand on the other woman’s arm, and Rachael nodded. The truth was, she needed a few moments to gather her own emotions. Heading down the corridor, she filled two paper cups from the water dispenser and turned back towards the relatives’ room, just in time to see Eve heading towards her. The expression on her friend’s face said more than words ever could. All the colour seemed to have drained out of her, and her mouth was trembling.
‘He didn’t make it.’ Eve whispered the words as they reached one another, and they hit Eden like a punch to the gut; the drinks she was holding almost slipping out of her hands, the way they had on the day Teddie had disappeared.
‘Are you okay?’ It was a stupid question, because it was obvious Eve was far from being okay.
‘I couldn’t hold it together. It was too much like… I almost lost someone I love in the same way; he made it through, or at least a version of him did. But it brought it all back.’
‘Oh, Eve.’ Eden wanted to do something to comfort her, but Rachael and James were waiting for her, and any minute now someone would arrive to give them the awful news.
‘I’m okay. Zahir told me to go home and that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll be worse than useless here.’ Eve managed to give her a watery smile. ‘He’s going to come and speak to Callum’s parents.’
‘I promised to be with them.’ The words seemed to wedge themselves in Eden’s throat. A huge part of her wanted to follow Eve out of the door and not have to face the couple who were about to be told the most devastating thing imaginable. But this was all she could do for them and Callum now, and as hard as it was she knew she’d never forgive herself if she didn’t keep that promise. She just hoped her face wouldn’t give her away the moment she walked back into the relatives’ room. Zahir needed to be the one to tell them the news, to explain to them what had happened and all the things the team had done to try and save their son’s life. If Eden broke the news that he was gone, they wouldn’t hear anything else, and they’d be left with questions that might make the torture they were about to face even worse. They needed to hear from someone who’d been there with Callum at the end.
‘Take care of yourself, Eve, and ring me later if you want to talk.’
‘I will and you too. They’ll appreciate what you’re doing for them, even if they don’t realise it straight away.’ Eve touched her hand briefly and then moved off down the corridor, leaving Eden to take the final few steps to the relatives’ room. She couldn’t make eye contact with Rachael as she set the cups of water down, the words she couldn’t say bubbling up inside her.I’m so sorry. It was almost impossible to swallow them down and she was certain she’d have lost the battle if Zahir hadn’t pushed open the door behind her within a matter of seconds and said the very words she’d been fighting to hold back, words no one ever wanted to hear.
‘Mr and Mrs Buckingham, I’m Zahir, one of the doctors. I’m so sorry to tell you that despite all our attempts Callum couldn’t be resuscitated and he died a few moments ago.’
The sound Rachael made was unearthly, Eden couldn’t compare it to anything she’d ever heard, not even a wounded animal. Words couldn’t describe it, but she could feel it, deep down inside her, in a place she might have called her soul because there was no other word to explain what it was. It was a sound she’d never forget and one she hoped she’d never have to hear again for as long as she lived.
16
Callum’s parents had asked to see their son after Zahir had delivered the devastating news of his death. When Rachael had asked Eden to be the one to accompany them, part of her hadn’t wanted to do it. Witnessing their pain had been almost unbearable, but an even bigger part of her had seen Rachael’s request as a privilege. She had wanted Eden with her at the most difficult time of her life, and the very least Eden could do was step up and be there. Callum’s parents would remember every aspect of this day for the rest of their lives. The memories would be indescribably painful, but if Eden could do anything to make that even a tiny fraction less awful, she was willing to do whatever it took.
‘Can we stay with him? I don’t want him to be on his own.’ Rachael looked at Eden, almost twenty minutes after they’d gone into a viewing room to see Callum. He’d been moved out of resus, because the never-ending stream of patients needing emergency care didn’t stop, not even for the dead. For the second time that day, Rachael’s eyes pleaded for an answer Eden couldn’t give her.
She wanted to tell Callum’s mother she could spend as much time with her son as she needed, but she knew that even forever wouldn’t be long enough. ‘You can stay with Callum until they let us know what’s happening, I’ll stay here with you, too.’
‘What do you mean what’s happening?’ Rachael’s voice was thick with emotion.
‘Callum will need to be seen by one of the pathologists, so that they can determine his cause of death.’
She’d been careful to avoid the words mortuary or postmortem, but Rachael wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what Eden meant.
‘A pathologist?’ Her face was a mask of horror. ‘That means they’ll cut him open and…’ She couldn’t finish the sentence, sobs overtaking her body and her husband wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
‘Surely we have to give our permission?’ Callum’s father didn’t need to tell Eden that was never going to happen, for her to know that’s what his response was likely to be. Except they had no say in what happened to their son next, and she was going to have to find a way of telling them that.
‘In the case of a sudden and unexpected death like Callum’s, there needs to be a postmortem to determine the cause and to give you the answers you need.’
‘What we need is for Callum to wake up and open his eyes.’ James shot her a look that could have melted ice, but Eden knew it wasn’t personal.
‘I know that right now nothing feels as if it will make a difference, but understanding why and how Callum died could do in the future. It might also mean that it changes the outcome for other people too.’
‘I don’t give a shit about the outcome for anyone else! We still won’t have our son. There are waste-of-space arseholes out on the street, who spend their whole lives hurting other people, walking around without a care in the world and our son is lying here dead.’ James’s anger was tangible, and Eden wanted to tell him he was right, that there should be some kind of natural justice, but the world didn’t work like that. If life was fair, Callum would be sitting at home with them now, regaling his father with a story about how he’d scored the winning try, his mother looking on proudly, having witnessed it all. Instead they were side by side, an air of unbearable sadness enveloping the whole room as they stood beside their beloved son’s lifeless body.
‘Callum would have cared. He’d have wanted something good to come out of this, he’d want to change things for other people.’ Tears were still running down Rachael’s face, but her words were filled with tenderness. Her crying seemed to ramp up again as she turned towards Eden. ‘I just can’t bear the thought of our beautiful boy being cut up, like a piece of meat.’
