Page 44 of The Heartbreak Hotel
“It’s not therapy,” I say. Goldie’s clinically allergic to discussing her feelings. “We’re just talking.”
“Where’s Quinn’s dad?” Bea asks, pulling one knee up to her chest and wrapping her arms around it. “Or is that too personal?”
Goldie stares at her, then drags her eyes to me. “It’s pretty personal.”
“Ignore her,” Kim says.
I say, “Goldie conceived Quinn with a sperm donor.”
“Shit.” Bea lifts her palm toward Goldie for a high five. “Respect. Who needs men?”
Goldie breathes a laugh, touching her palm to Bea’s. “Couldn’t agree more.”
“I love men,” Kim sighs. “It’s basically my whole problem.” She looks at Goldie. “Is it hard, raising him on your own?”
Goldie shrugs. I know it’s hard. Know, too, that she’ll never admit that to a roomful of strangers. “I basically raised Lou,” she says, waving one hand in my direction. “So I’ve done it on my own before.”
I feel my cheeks flush, but Goldie saves me from having to respond. “Can we talk for a minute before I go?”
“Sure,” I say, standing. I cast a glance across the group. “You all feel free to keep going—I’ll be back.”
“I think it’s time for me to rest these old bones,” Nan says, making to stand.
Mei gets up to help her, and Bea follows. “A nap soundsgreat,” she says.
When I lead Goldie into the kitchen, all four women head for the stairs; their voices fade as they disappear.
“Look,” Goldie says, leaning one hip into the kitchen island. “I want to talk to you about this rental plan of yours.”
I groan, reaching for a crumpled dish towel on the counter and starting to fold it. “Do you have to?”
“Yes.” She crosses her arms. “Tell me about the financials. Is it working?”
I hang the towel over the faucet and glance out the window, where Joss and Henry are still talking near the aspens. The window’s open to let in the breeze, but they’re too far away for me to hear them. “What do you mean byworking?”
“Are you making enough money to pay your rent?”
“That’s not how it’s set up. I’m staying here for free and giving most of the income to the landlord.”
“That man outside?” Goldie slides in right beside me, following my gaze out the window. I promptly turn around and lean my hip into the counter.
“Yes.”
“So how are you making money to cover your other expenses? Groceries? Student loans?”
I feel warmth start to build in my belly. It’s shame, I know it is: Goldie always brings this out in me. She was born with a planand never strayed from it even a centimeter—the fact that I haven’t followed the one she had for me makes me feel like a failure.
“I’m using my savings right now.” The money that Henry didn’t accept, back in his office in August. “I don’t have to start paying back my loans yet. And I’m using some of the rental income to cover smaller things like groceries.”
“Savings,” Goldie picks out. She follows me away from the window, comes to face me at the island. “How long will that last?”
“Long enough.”
“Lou, don’t be difficult.”
“Youdon’t be difficult.” I sound petulant, but she brings this out of me, too. Without Goldie around, I get to be an adult. But when she’s here, she makes me feel young again—and stupid. “I’m handling this, okay?”
“Are you?” She doesn’t pull her gaze from mine, doesn’t blink. “What happens when that money runs out? You come to me?”
