Page 50 of That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Human
“On his dick?” I whispered.
“ON YOUR DICK?” Rachel cried. “We both know that’s bullshit. Everyone just heard her scream! Shocking since the most you’ve ever gotten out of me was a pity moan.”
Dante covered his mouth as his shoulders shook. I tamped down my own laughter and nudged his side. “Come on, we need to go.”
He raised a brow at me and nodded toward the screaming pair. “And miss how this ends?”
Another, softer voice spoke up. “We didn’t want you to find out like this.”
The parasol came down with another hard thwack. “Oh yeah? Well, I guess now that we’re all sharing secrets, every time your little shrimp dick left me wanting, I fucked the stable boy. Enjoy your syphilis!” Rachel roared.
I gasped loud.
“What was that?” Clayton murmured.
Shit, shit, shit!
“Who’s there?” Rachel yelled.
Gray fog pooled over the area, blinding my vision. In a flash Dante scooped me up and leapt over the hedges until we were out of the garden. When we were free and clear, he slowed and set me down in an alleyway to catch our breath. Laughter burst out of me until I was clutching my sides. “Enjoy your syphilis,” I wheezed.
“I told you human cities are disgusting,” Dante murmured, laughing along.
“Oh gods, I shouldn’t laugh,” I said, trying to rein myself in. “Syphilis is a terrible way to go.”
Dante held no such shame, and braced himself against the alleyway in his hysterics. “Go?” he asked. “She’ll be fine after a few rounds of tonic.”
“Demons have a cure for that?” I asked, bewildered.
“Do your people not? Gods, what have humans been doing in the past century?”
“… Dying of syphilis?”
He ran a hand through his hair and threw an arm over my shoulder as we made our way out of the alley. “Clearly we’ve been gone too long. Remind me in the morning and I’ll send a kobold to bring the cure to whoever’s in charge around here.”
Chapter 16
Alexis
Aggravated yowls rose from the terror beast floating beside me. The sound echoed off the walls of the dingy hallway of the coliseum. “Hush! You’ll blow our cover,” I said.
The swirling mass of dark magic and id only thrashed harder in response. Why, was a total mystery. The damned thing hadn’t escaped the first few times she’d tried to wiggle away. Some creatures just didn’t know how to accept their fate, I guess.
“Alright, so here’s the plan,” I began. A door to my right opened. Quickly, I stashed the loud beast behind a wooden crate and laid myself against a wall.
Two men dressed in dirty work clothes appeared. The taller one tossed a mop and bucket down and sighed heavily. “If I have to mop up one more puke puddle today, I’m gonna quit.”
His companion shot him a bored look. “No you’re not.”
He slumped. “You’re right, I’m not. But dammit, I wish parents would watch how many sweets their little monsters ate.”
“Tell me about it.”
Thankfully, the workers were too caught up in their bitch fest to notice me. Which, honestly, was a little insulting. It’s not every day you see a sword of such brilliance. But that was their loss. When their voices faded, I rose up and lifted Rebekah from her hiding place.
The swirling mass of black fog surrounding her body hid her face from me, but I could tell she was glaring. Curious, I brought her closer, trying to see through her magic. With a rumbling hiss, two sharp fangs lurched out of the darkness to bite at my steal.
“Alright, damn! Keep your secrets,” I said, backing away. “Anyway, back to business. The knights’ barracks should be around here somewhere…” I pushed my way through a door that smelled of sweat and mediocrity to find a room full of bunk beds and various weapons and armor thrown about. “Ah-ha!” I yelled, triumphantly.
