Page 97 of Thief of Night
“Fiona read that to Remy when we were children and I thought it was the weirdest story I’d ever heard. For a long time, I thought eels had something to do with marriage.”
Charlie raised her eyebrows. “So what does it mean?”
“Look, it’s still bizarre. But I think the fairy tale is about how desire is terrifying. Love is terrifying.” He shook his head. “And for someone who has tried not to feel for a long time, it’s threatening. It feels like an attack.”
“So you do like me,” Charlie said, trying to figure out what he meant. “But you wish you didn’t?”
Red put his head in his hands. “I am terrible at this.”
But he was trying. He was trying to tell her something that wasn’t easy, but was true. “No,” she said. “Go on.”
“In Salt’s house, whenever you cared about someone, he would find a way to turn that against you. To make you betray one another.” Red shook his head. “I thought you couldn’t possibly have sacrificed what you did, knowing what I was. You couldn’t be as brave and reckless as you seemed. And then when I realized you were, I’d already made a mess of things. I like youso much,Charlie.”
Unused to being told anything like that, Charlie could only reply, “My level of recklessness is pretty unbelievable.”
“What if I never get my memories back?” Red went on, as though now that he’d started talking, he couldn’t stop. “I know you hoped that if I got the part that the Cabals stole, I would be him again. I know that sometimes when you look at me, you see him. But I’m not him. And I don’t want to be. I’m afraid to lose what little self I have. I am afraid that everything you like in me isn’t me at all.”
Of course someone who had memories thrust upon him didn’t want more. Of course the idea of not remembering something was as frightening as being made to remember. In his mind, being Vince was tangled up with being Remy. She could hardly blame him, when he was being forced to answer to both names.
And it made sense that he was afraid that anyone who liked him, really liked someone else.
“I’m glad you’re the one here with me.” She leaned forward to take his hand. “You and no one else.”
He smiled across the table at her, the curve of his mouth and the smoldering light of his eyes full of promises.
She wondered what would happen when they got back to the cottage. Then she looked up and saw that Mark was no longer at the table.
“He’s gone,” she blurted out. “I was supposed to follow him.”
Charlie shouldered off Red’s suit jacket and walked swiftly out of the dining room, into the parlor and bar area next door. Mark wasn’t there. She looked around wildly, but there was no sign he’d ever been in the building.
She felt the sting of embarrassment in the back of her throat. She’d gotten so distracted that she hadn’t even noticed him leaving. With no better explanation for wandering around, she tried to act like a person who’d been looking for the bathroom and gotten turned around.
On her way, she overheard two of the servers whispering together. “Did you hear? That guy sitting alone. His father tortured him. The whole story is messed up.”
Charlie froze.
“Must be why he keeps her around,” whispered the other. “The shadowless girl. It would creep me the fuck out to have that near me.”
Giving them both a lethal look, she headed into the bathroom. There, she fixed her lipstick and stared at herself in the mirror. In the slip dress, tattoos and curves on full display.
It was said that a person without a shadow was without a soul. And while Charlie had never believed that, people’s superstitions had been easier todismiss when they weren’t about her. Now she couldn’t help wondering if there really might be something wrong with her, some essential part of herself that was missing.
Something’s been wrong with you a lot longer than you haven’t had a shadow,she told herself.
When she left the bathroom, a waiter spotted her. “Miss?” he asked. “We’re just serving dessert at your table.”
Gritting her teeth, she squared her shoulders and headed back, distracted enough to knock into a bald man coming into the dining room.
“Excuse me!” the man snapped.
“Sorry,” she said, then threw herself into the chair opposite Red.
At her expression, he looked worried. “We can go. We’ll find him.”
“New plan.” Charlie opened her hand, flashing him the room key she’d lifted when she’d bumped the man, then closed her hand again. “We find the welcome packet that everyone at this retreat got and go from there. But we don’t have much time.”
“Do my eyes deceive?” a voice boomed from across the room. “Remy Vincent Carver! Back from the dead like Lazarus.”
