Page 106 of Kiss Me at Christmas
“How so?”
“It removes any personal responsibility for your own life. It’s how people excuse themselves for giving up when things get tough.”
“Harsh.”
She smiled and laid a kiss on his chest. “I’m sorry. Inherited dispositions are a touchy subject for me.”
“No. I’m sorry, that was a stupid, insensitive thing to say.”
James ran his fingers lightly up and down her arm and then lifted her wrist to his lips and laid a tender kiss at her pulse.
“I would fight for you, Harriet.” He whispered it like a promise into the spot where her blood ran closest to the surface and sealed it with another kiss. “Iwillfight for you.” He pressed his lips to her pulse again. “I will always show up for you.”
Her breath hitched. He couldn’t know that, of all the words in the world, those were the ones she had longed most to hear. She was no damsel in distress. She didn’t need a prince to save her. She simply needed him to show up, to hold her trust like the precious thing it was, and if the chips were down, to fight for her. Something inside her broke free, a dam bursting its banks, sweeping through her like whitewater rapids, a crescendo of emotions that were everything all at once. It was like being hungry and thirsty and too hot and too cold and craving a cigarette or a drink or to dance or to scream or to laugh or to cry, it was all need and want and the only thing that would sate her was having him as close to her as was humanly possible.
Twenty-eight
On the evening of Friday,the fifteenth of December, Harriet met Josef crossing the foyer on his way up to the restaurant, where the tables and chairs had recently been reconfigured to form a large square.
“Happy Hanukkah, Josef!” she said, smiling. “I would hug you, but I’m weighed down with fish and chips.” She leaned in and kissed him on either cheek instead.
“Thank you!” he replied, beaming. “I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”
“Come on, then, everyone’s waiting for you.”
She ushered him through the doors and up the stairs to the restaurant.
A cheer went up when Josef entered with greetings of “Shabbat Shalom” and “Happy Hanukkah.” Everyone stood as he lit all eight candles on the menorah he had brought from home and offered a blessing. Harriet did indeed feel blessed, ever more so.
It was noisy as food parcels were passed around the table, a great crinkling of paper as everyone unwrapped their fish and chips. And when Farahnoush and Carly came in carrying plates of plaited babka they’d ordered from the local bakery, Josef almost jumped out of his seat.
“Well, one thing’s for sure,” said Destiny, “we’ll all be high on carbs tonight!”
“We’ve got doughnuts yet!” Ricco called across the table.
“I’m only glad I had my cholesterol test before this feast!” Kingsley joked.
“I wish we could have parties every night,” said Sid.
Harriet took a moment to soak it all in, this marvelously colorful gathering. Every person here held a story and a strength within them, and when they mixed and mingled all together, their stories became an epic tale and their combined strengths bloomed into a force to be reckoned with. Humans had such a propensity for love and kindness, and here in this room, in this theater, it seemed to explode out in hearts and stars; she could feel the warmth of it fluttering around her like snowflakes.
“That chip has been dangling from your fingers for the last two minutes. What thoughts have you so engrossed in them that they are surpassing the allure of classic British cuisine?” James asked, taking the seat beside her.
She looked at him.
“I love it here,” she said, almost dreamily. “Don’t you?”
“I do.” He mirrored her smile.
“I mean, I didn’t love it at first and I still hide in the toilet when everyone wants a piece of me at once. But I feel like, I don’t know, like I’ve grown into the space or maybe like it’s grown around me. Have you ever seen the way a tree can grow around and through iron railings? I’m not making sense. Ignore me.”
“You are making sense,” he said, looking into her eyes. “I understand you completely. In fact, what you’ve just described is rather how I have come to feel about you.”
She swallowed. Her heartbeat was very loud in her ears. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but all her words had fallen into a massive black hole.
“That’s nice,” she said weakly.
He raised an eyebrow. “Nice? I just told you that I no longer know where I end and you begin, and your response is ‘that’s nice.’ ”
