Page 104 of Kiss Me at Christmas
Harriet was stunned.
“Are you sure?” James asked. “Have you thought this through?”
“Yes, yes. I’m sure. It makes sense. I have a three-bedroom house with a garden big enough for a child to kick a ball about in. I am physically fit, notwithstanding the inner ear infection, which has since departed. Most importantly, if they’re with me they can stay together and they can visit Tess and Arthur whenever they like. And down the line, if Arthur’s health improves, maybe they could even move back in with them if they wish, or we could work out some sort of joint custody situation, you know the sort of thing.”
“Have you discussed this with Tess and Arthur?” asked James.
“Of course. I took the boys round there this morning, Billy was desperate to apologize, terribly worried his actions might have strained Arthur’s heart. We all had a jolly good discussion. They don’t want to lose contact with the boys, and this way would work perfectly for everyone.”
“It’s such a lot to take on, Grace. Have you had much experience with children?” Harriet asked.
“I’ll learn as I go along. Billy’s pretty vocal, I’ve no doubt he’ll point out any errors I make along the way. Don’t keep gawping at me like I’ve just grown a newhead. The simple fact is, I want to give them a home and I know that I can make it a happy one.” Her voice softened. “You know I’m not one for great shows of emotion, but this feels right. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at having a family.” She cleared her throat loudly and continued in her usual headmistress tone. “Now are you going to help me or not? Hmm?”
“And the boys want this? You’ve talked it all through with them properly?” Harriet asked.
“Well of course I have, foolish girl. Do you think I’d be here if I didn’t have their approval? Go and ask them if you like.”
Harriet looked at James and a laugh bubbled out of her. Grace was right, it was the perfect solution. Her relief felt like floating. “Can you help make it happen?” she asked James.
He looked from Harriet to Grace, nodding slowly, his solicitor mask making his expression inscrutable. Finally, he said, “Yes. Yes, I believe I can. Or at least I can represent you, Grace, and put forward your case for guardianship. If you’re available now, we can make a start.”
“I’ve got time,” said Grace, looking at her watch. “I’m not due to haunt Scrooge until three forty-five.”
It was a long time since Harriet had had anyone else in her bed. But it didn’t feel odd to have James beside her. She liked feeling the heat radiating off his skin, and how her head fit perfectly in the space below his shoulder, his arm slung loosely around her, his fingers lazily drawing up and down her side, tracing the dip of her waist and the rise of her rib cage.
The last couple of days, they had been like ships passing. She had been tied up with organizing the space inthe theater to fit the multiple groups that had made it their home and helping with rehearsals and getting the production ready as the date for the performance marched ever closer. And James had been consumed with the requirements of the legal surgery, in particular the urgent liaising between Grace, Tess, and Arthur and social services to ensure that Billy and Sid were not placed elsewhere while the legalities for their new joint guardianship were put in place.
On Thursday night they had gone out for dinner after rehearsals to catch up with each other properly, and one thing had very much led to another…
“Tell me about your childhood,” James said, pulling the duvet up around them.
“What do you want to know?”
“How did you end up in the system?”
Oh, that. Of course.People always wanted to know. She supposed it was human nature to be curious about origin stories, especially those of the people with whom they were intimate. But to her it always felt weighted, as though her stock was automatically lowered because of her upbringing.
“I was taken away from my parents when I was three years old. I don’t remember them. At all. I don’t have any real memories until I was five; I think that was probably my brain’s way of protecting me.”
“Your parents never tried to get you back?” he asked gently.
“They never came for me. I guess that’s what hurt the most. That they never fought for me. I waited and waited, but they never showed up.”
“That must have been hard.”
“As a little kid it was. A lot of parents, like Pete’s mum, they came for their children when they could, you know?People in general don’t simply give up their kids; there are extenuating, heartbreaking circumstances that lead up to that point, and it isalwaysa last resort. Which leaves the ones who are left behind to wonder, ‘What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong?’ Because nobody’s going to tell a three-year-old that she had to be taken away from her parents because they hurt her; all you know is that you got dumped and you don’t know why.”
James sucked in a breath and her head rose up as his chest filled with air. He brought his other arm across her so that she was encircled by him. “I’m so sorry. Did you ever try to find them?”
“When I was older. It wasn’t easy, there was no Internet back then, but I found them.”
“And?”
“And that’s when I changed my surname by deed poll to Smith, the most common surname in the UK. My foster parents helped me do it. The daydream I had for all those years that my parents—who I imagined were royalty from some small faraway country—would swoop in and claim me suddenly became my worst nightmare; I didn’t want to take the chance that those people wouldeverfind me.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be, it gave me closure. Seriously, I dodged a bullet. I thank my lucky stars they never came for me.”
