Page 33 of A December to Remember
“More wine!” shouted Simone.
13
An hour laterthey were each slumped in chairs pulled from various parts of the shop and positioned around the glowing Calor gas fire, wineglasses in hand, three empty bottles lined up on the flagstones.
“You didn’t drink at the funeral,” said Maggie.
Simone shifted in her chair with an expression of deep discomfort, as though someone had waved something unpleasant under her nose. “No.”
Maggie nodded and looked into her glass. “I’m sorry. That’s shit.”
Star looked between them, but neither elaborated. They were all really drunk. She was experiencing that stage of inebriation whereby she felt melded to the chair. It was one of those large wingback affairs, and she imagined she could feel herself seeping into the cracks in the leather like water.
“Am I missing something?” she asked. “Why is Maggie asking about you drinking?”
Maggie’s eyes widened as though she just remembered something. “Bollocks, sorry, Simone. I forgot she doesn’t know. Wine makes me stupid.”
Star looked pointedly at Simone, who looked back at her, resigned.
“If you must know, Evette and I have been trying for a baby. And now my latest and possibly final attempt at IVF has failed.” Her voice was matter-of-fact, but Star could see the pain in her eyes. “It would seem that I am unable to carry a pregnancy.”
Suddenly Star’s chair didn’t feel so accommodating. She dared not blink in case the tears that blurred her vison spilled out. Simone wouldn’t appreciate her crying, not when she was trying so hard to keep her own emotions trussed up. The least she could do was keep her shit together. They were so different, but she understood Simone. She always had. Simone felt things deeply; she was an empath in a suit of medieval armor.
“I’m sorry,” she said when she could trust her voice not to wobble. “How long have you been trying?” She rested her head on her elbow on the chair’s arm.
Simone sat rigidly on a vintage bistro chair. “Four years,” she returned. Her eyes were closed as though she could pretend she wasn’t having this conversation.
“Will you try again?”
Simone let out a long breath. “I don’t know. We’ve used all our savings. And I’ve used up all of Evette’s patience.”
“You’ll get through it,” Maggie soothed.
“I’m not so sure. I’m not the best at opening up about stuff.” She opened one eye and comically looked about, then opened the other.
“No shit!” Star quipped, and was relieved to get a smile back. Maggie snickered in her arts-and-crafts tub chair.
“It’s just easier that way. I don’t know what will happen if I let all this stuff out. Sometimes I worry that if I start crying, I might never stop.”
“And what about Evette? Will she try?” Star asked.
Simone shook her head. “She wants a family, but it’s neverbeen about the pregnancy for her. That’s always been me.” She was quiet, and Star could literally see her swallowing her feelings. “Perhaps I ought to consult with Perdita, maybe she could help me open up, do something to my chakras.”
“Christ, no!” said Star. “Don’t take lessons from her. My mother needs to learn to keep stuffin.”
“At least she’s open with you. My mum is a closed book. She is the consummate professional at all times; I am simply another side business in her portfolio,” said Simone.
“My mum wasn’t particularly open either,” piped up Maggie, whose eyes kept drooping as though she was fighting sleep. “I mean, she was loving and everything, I have no complaints, but she was very private; feelings were improper. She never let on when she was hurting. It must have killed her when she moved here, and Dad didn’t want to be with her, but you’d never have known it. She rallied—that was always her way.”
“When I first told my mum I’d started having sex, she drew me diagrams so I could show my boyfriend where to find my G-spot,” said Star. “That’sopenness.”
“Okay, yep, that’s waaay too open,” said Simone, screwing her face up. “I’ll stick with Rene.”
“Oh my god, that’s hideous.” Maggie cackled. “Ineverdiscussed sex with my mum.”
“Nor me with mine,” said Simone. “When I told my mum I was gay, she told me not to make a song and dance about it.”
Star spluttered a laugh. “What does that even mean?”
