Page 95 of Meet Me Under the Mistletoe
With the headmistress leading the way, Nory turned back to Katie and mouthedOh my god!
Katie laughed quietly and rolled her eyes—of course this wasn’t the first time someone had made an assumption about her because of the color of her skin, but everyone was a little stunned.
“Well, if we weren’t sure before that junior wasn’t going to be attending Braddon-Hartmead, we are now,” Jeremy whispered, holding tightly on to his wife’s hand.
The dining hall had been improved, although nothing could remove the claggy scent of decades’ worth of mashed potatoes and pastry. And the assembly hall had lost none of its grandeur, and more names of pupils who had gone on to success in politics or other such worthy pursuits had been added to the large wooden plaque above the stage.
So many of the memories ignited by these surroundings contained Tristan, and once again Nory felt the familiar ache in her chest that he wasn’t with them. His name was carried on all their lips as they roamed the halls of their childhood, his kind nature fondly remembered, and his mischievous antics whispered among them like folklore. They were happy memories, mostly, and it felt unfair that he wasn’t here to share them. Suicide was greedy; it didn’t just take your friend once—it kept coming back for more, taking and taking, so that your remembrances were always bittersweet.
They left Braddon-Hartmead in a reflective mood. Perhaps none of them had quite realized how it would feel to revisit the place. Nory was glad that Jenna’s terrible tan had kept her away. Back in the car park, they hovered before climbing into Ameerah’s and Jeremy’s cars. They were only going back to the castle; they’d be apart for ten minutes and then be back together again in the warmth of Robinwood. But somehow it felt as though when they left, a spell would be broken.
“Was I an arsehole at school?” Charles asked.
“No!” said Ameerah.
“I don’t mean on purpose. But would you say I ever bullied the younger kids?”
“No more than the rest of us, mate,” said Guy. “And we were only doing what was done to us before.”
“Doesn’t make it right, though, does it?” Charles replied.
“I don’t think you were ever cruel,” added Jeremy.
“This isn’t making me feel any better.”
“What’s on your mind, Charles?” Nory asked, giving his arm a friendly rub.
“I don’t know. It’s just being here. Remembering stuff. What if something I said to someone years ago, you know, like just a throwaway comment, I’m not even talking specifically. I can’t recall specifics, if I’m honest. But what if I said something to someone and years later... You know Tristan was bullied.”
“We were all bullied,” Guy snapped. “Toughens you up.”
“Bullshit!” said Ameerah. “Bullying doesn’t toughen anyone up. It makes them miserable. It leaves scars.”
“That’s my point,” said Charles. “I know we were all bullied to a certain extent, but what if the bullying that Tristan experienced stayed with him? And those kids who bullied him would have no idea that years later their words caused him to... well, you know.”
Jeremy put an arm around Charles’s shoulder. “Tristan had more issues than being bullied. I’m not dismissing it; I’m not saying that it didn’t have a lasting effect, but Tristan had a lot of problems and not enough solutions.”
“It eats me up.” Charles’s eyes were wet. “To think that someone somewhere, someone I don’t even remember, might be hurting because of something I did when I was at school.”
“We were all just trying to survive, mate,” said Guy.
“That’s no excuse!” Charles almost shouted at Guy.
“Charles,” Jeremy’s voice was soothing. “I was with you pretty much all the time at school. We got bullied together, remember? And I can promise you that I never saw you target any one kid or behave in any way like those kids who bullied us. I would have remembered. I would have flagged it with you if I had.”
“Thanks, Jez.”
“Jeremy’s right,” added Guy. “At worst, it was hijinks, nothing that would leave a mental mark. I always wondered why you didn’t give as good as you got. When I told my father I was being bullied, he told me it was a rite of passage; it would make a man of me. And I paid it forward, just like he’d have wanted me to. I’m not proud of it, but I can’t afford to analyze it. I’m hanging on by a thread as it is.” He tried to laugh, but it came out strangled and he coughed instead.
“There’s something else,” said Charles. “Something that’s been worrying me for a really long time and if I don’t say it now, I might lose my nerve.”
“Christ! It’s like fuckingOprah!” Pippa muttered loudly.
“Easy there, tiger,” said Nory.
“Ameerah, I was racist,” Charles blurted. He had Ameerah by the forearms. Ameerah’s eyes were wide. “Not on purpose, but I said things to you, Ameerah, and other kids... I would never say those things now. I’m sorry, Ameerah. I’m sorry I was racist.”
There was a moment of silence as they all held their breath, wondering what would happen next. And then Ameerah leaned forward and kissed Charles on the cheek.
