Page 97 of The Twelve Dates of Christmas
“My options here are limited,” said Kate. “I either take up the roleof Matt’s unrequited love slave and stay miserably single, or I make it work with Richard. After all, I really like him and he really turns me on; that’s got to count for something!”
“God, Kate, I still can’t believe it,” said Laura. “You and Matt!”
“No,” said Kate. “There is nome and Matt. There’s me in love with Matt and there’s Matt in love with Sarah.”
“Is there any chance he might feel the same?” asked Laura.
“Absolutely none,” said Kate. “He thinks of me like a sister. You remember what he was like after our Big Mistake at uni? He couldn’t get gone quick enough; it was like he was disgusted by what he’d done.”
“Kate,” said Laura. “I want to tell you something...”
There were shouts from the kitchen and Mina came running into the sitting room yelling, “Charley pooed! It’s weally bad, Mummy. Weally weally bad!”
Kate’s dad wasn’t far behind. He was holding Charley out at arm’s length. Mustard-yellow stains bloomed up toward the chest of Charley’s pale blue romper suit and down both legs.
“It’s exploding out of everywhere!” said Mac. “It sounded like a lake of mud geyser eruptions!”
“Oh no!” said Laura. “I told Ben he shouldn’t have given him all that butternut squash for lunch.” She was laughing and wincing as she took her stinky son from Kate’s dad. “Oh, Mac, I’m sorry!” she said.
“Not to worry,” he said, although he was clearly relieved to have relinquished responsibility for Charley. “I’ve seen worse; you should have seen Kate when she was that age.”
“Thanks for that, Dad,” said Kate.
“Oh, Mac,” Laura said, pointing at Kate’s dad’s shirt. “You might want to change your shirt!”
Kate’s dad looked down at a large, slightly yellow wet patch on his shirt. When he looked back up he seemed a little queasy.
“I think I’ll go home and change,” said Mac.
“Come back round for dinner,” said Kate.
•••••
There was no alternative but to bathe Charley. Luckily Laura was the kind of mother who never left home without a suitcase of spare clothes for her children, and today she had also packed their pajamas since they were staying for dinner.
When Charley was fresh and talcum-powdered they bathed Mina, who insisted on having Aunty Kate’s “lady bubbles” in her bath and slathering herself in Kate’s body butter afterward. Several squirts of Kate’s expensive perfume later, Mina sat on Kate’s bed in her Christmas tree pj’s having her hair blow-dried while Kate went downstairs to cook dinner.
Kate made pesto pasta and garlic bread and they all sat round the table to eat it. Mina grabbed a handful of grated cheese from the bowl on the table and dropped it onto her plate.
“Aunty Kate, where is your twee?” asked Mina.
“Uncle Matt is bringing it round later,” said Kate. She felt her cheeks redden at the mention of his name and cast a glance at Laura, who raised her eyebrows at her.
“Can I help you decowate it?” she asked.
“I’m afraid you’ll be at home, tucked up in bed by then,” said Kate.
As much as she loved her goddaughter, there was no way she was going to let her decorate her tree.
“Oh,” said Mina. “I decowated our twee at home.”
“Yes,” said Kate. “I’ve seen it!”
Laura’s tree was an abomination.
“Charley did a poo on you, Uncle Mac,” Mina said very seriously, as if he hadn’t known.
•••••
