Page 116 of The Twelve Dates of Christmas
“Katy” her mum shrieked down the phone. Kate held the phone away from her ear. “Katy, thank God!” said her mum. “Something terrible has happened!”
“Are you all right?” asked Kate.
“No, I’m bloody not!” said her mum.
“Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m not hurt!” said her mum, as though this were a ludicrous idea. “I’m in prison!”
“What?” said Kate.
“I’ve been arrested!” said her mum. “It was all a scam. He didn’t own the boat at all! It was stolen. He commissioned us to sell a stolen yacht for him. Well, we didn’t know!” she went on indignantly. “And then the owner comes barging on board with the police and I got arrested!”
“Where’s Gerry?” Kate asked.
“Gone,” said her mum.
“What do you mean gone?”
“He left me,” said her mum. “As soon as he saw the police, he jumped off the boat and ran away. The last I saw of him was his naked bottom mincing up the gangway like two white onions bobbing along in the moonlight!”
Kate tried to blink away the image.
“And you’re in a Barbadian prison?” Kate asked.
“Well, I’m not exactlyinprison,” said her mum. “I’m being held in custody at the local police station, but the tea they served me was only lukewarm. The owner said he won’t press charges provided I give the police all the information I have about the bogus seller and I leave the island immediately.”
“Oh, thank God!” said Kate. “It could have been a lot worse—”
“I’d like to know how!” interrupted her mum. “I was bare-breasted when they burst in on us. It was pure luck I had a G-string on to cover my Aunty Mary. We’ve been working our way through the Kama Sutra...”
“Mum, please,” said Kate. Her mum stopped with an audiblehumph. “Just get yourself on a plane back to Spain as soon as you can.”
“Well, that’s just it, darling,” said her mum. “I can’t. I haven’t got any money.”
“Didn’t you take out travel insurance?” asked Kate.
“It doesn’t cover repatriation when swindled by a career criminal, darling,” said her mum testily.
Kate sucked in a breath.
“How much are the flights?” Kate asked.
“Seven hundred, give or take,” said her mum.
“Seven hundred pounds?!”
“Well, it’s Christmas and it’s last minute,” said her mum. “Just leave me here in a jail cell to rot if it’s too much of a bother.”
“It’s not a bother, Mum,” said Kate. “Of course it’s not a bother. I would pay any amount to help you, you know that. It’s just all come as bit of surprise, that’s all.”
“To you and me both, darling.”
“Of course,” said Kate. “It must have been a terrible shock for you.”
“It’s been an absolute trial,” said her mum. “My nerves are quite shattered.”
“What will you do about Gerry?”
