Page 103 of The Twelve Dates of Christmas
“Any ideas?” Kate asked.
Todd, who stood behind Mandy with his arms around her waist, said, “I love lemurs.”
“Oh my God,” Mandy yelped. “I love lemurs too!”
“No way!” said Todd.
Mandy swiveled round to face him without breaking Todd’s grip around her waist.
“I swear on my life!” Mandy said with such overblown sincerity that Kate felt sure she was being sarcastic.
But she was not. There followed two minutes of cooing at each other before they were lip-locked once more. Kate turned to Edward, who looked back at her blankly.
“What about you?” she asked hopefully. “Problem solving is your livelihood. What are your thoughts?”
“It must be in the wallpaper,” said Edward.
Kate was deeply relieved to have any sort of proactive response.
“Yes,” she said. “I think so too.”
The two of them stood side by side, arms folded, staring at the rain forest.
“I don’t fancy you,” said Edward, his eyes remained fixed on the wall.
Kate was taken aback at the bluntness of a man who an hour ago couldn’t choose his own drink.
“Fair enough,” said Kate. “I don’t think we could compete with Romeo and Juliet anyway.”
Kate gave a nod in Todd and Mandy’s direction. As she did so, Todd stumbled backward, still attached at the face to Mandy, and landed on the step stool, whereupon Mandy straddled him and the heavy breathing became obscene.
“I’m just grateful she’s wearing jeans,” said Kate.
“Romeo and Juliet both ended up dead,” said Edward.
Kate tried to think of something funny to say but decided it would be lost on her companion.
She had an idea.
“What if we count how many there are of each animal,” she said. “There are four types of animal and the chest is locked with a standard four-digit combination lock.”
Edward nodded and the two of them began to count the creatures in the rain forest wallpaper while Todd and Mandy had trouser sex on a stool. There were nine parrots, six snakes, eight butterflies, and four lemurs on the wall.
“Okay,” said Kate. “So now we just have to keep twiddling the numbers until we get the right combination. Simple! How many combinations can there be of four numbers?” she said brightly.
“Ten thousand,” said Edward.
“Oh,” said Kate.
She looked around the room and her gaze fell upon the border.
“There!” She tapped Edward’s arm and he leaped away from her as though she’d stung him.
“Where?” he said.
Kate pointed to the border.
“They’re in order,” she said. “Lemur, butterfly, snake, parrot. That’s the combo,” she said. “I’ll bet my granny on it!”
