Page 112 of Road Trip with a Vampire
Peter:I never said I hated it.
Zelda:You said it was the stupidest thing you’d ever seen and were going to throw it away as soon as my back was turned
Peter didn’t text back right away, though my phone showed the text was read.
As I waited for his response, I noticed the television volume had been cranked way up since I’d fled to my bedroom. Probably a passive-aggressive signal from my friends, letting me know they hadn’t bought my excuse at all.
When I looked back at my phone, Peter had replied.
Peter:Let’s just say the hat has grown on me.
I smiled despite myself.
Zelda:I told you it’s a good hat
Peter:You did.
Zelda:It’s broken now, though?
Peter:Apparently.
Peter:It’s stopped clucking altogether. And one of the eyes has started falling off.
I examined the picture he’d sent, trying to see what he was talking about. The eyes mounted on the hat’s brim were certainly lopsided, but they’d been that way when I’d bought it. It was part of the hat’s charm.
Zelda:The eyes look the same as always
Peter:Really?
Zelda:I mean it’s hard to tell from a picture but yeah I think so
Peter:Assuming for a second that one of the eyes IS falling off, what would you suggest I do to repair it?
I was about to reply with some basic sewing advice when the absurdity of everything Peter was asking hit me like a wake-up call. This man could hotwire a car and fix a broken table with his bare hands. Yet somehow, he didn’t know how to sew a fuzzy eyeball back on a hat?
Zelda:Re: the hat not clucking, have you checked the batteries?
Peter:I have not.
Peter:Do you think I should?
Okay, something was definitely off. There was no way in hell he wouldn’t immediately think to change its batteries.
Zelda:Why did you really text me, Peter?
Zelda:I know you hate this hat, and even if you didn’t, you’d know how to fix it without advice from me.
My phone showed my text was read, but no response came. After a minute, text bubbles appeared, then disappeared. Appeared again before vanishing a second time. I imagined him staring at his phone, wherever he was, thinking through how to backpedal out of this. His furrowed brow. His mouth turned down at the corners in a scowl.
Peter:I don’t actually need help fixing my hat.
I snorted.
Zelda:I didn’t think so
Peter:You’re right, I think the hat is stupid.
Zelda:I know
