Page 38 of By the Horns

Page List

Font Size:

“And a better one when you shut up and take a compliment.”

I laugh, pleased at her tart rejoinders. She’s such fun to chat with.

She smiles and pops a finger into her mouth, sucking it clean of the honey on the roll, her gaze on the dance floor. If I watch her sucking on things, I’m really going to have a hard time keeping my focus on Sarya, so I stare out at the dancers, too.

“They look good, don’t they?” Gwenna asks. “Sparrow and Hawk?”

“They do.” There’s nothing but berries left in the bowl, so I dump them all into my mouth, since they’re too tiny for my big hands to fuss with. I watch my friend smiling down at his owlish wife, her glasses hanging off her small nose, and I feel a stab of pure, unadulterated envy. They get to spend every mucking day in each other’s arms, and I haven’t seen Sarya in weeks. Might not ever see her again.

Might be nothing but endless potions in my mucking future.

“Oh, look. There’s Mereden and Lark. I’m going to go say hello.” Gwenna pops out of her seat and moves along the edges of the dance floor to greet her friends, and I’m left with nothing but berries and some sour thoughts about the woman I can’t seem to forget.

A woman I’m also starting to resent for just how difficult she is to find.

Sixteen

Gwenna

I’m a conflictingmix of emotions. I’d been having a wonderful time with Raptor, and loved chatting and sassing and even flirting with him. It had all been terribly romantic, but then my heart hurt at hearing that Raptor is obsessed with some other woman. I don’t know why it bothers me, given that we can’t exactly be together. We’re in a Five, and we’re supposed to be business companions only.

I should just be thrilled that I’m not pregnant and call it a day. And while I am incredibly, happily relieved that I’m not carrying his child, I worry I’m becoming far too obsessed. I cannot afford to fall in love with anyone before I’ve established myself with the guild. It’d be smartest to put some distance between the two of us. Starting tomorrow, I decide. I’ll thank Raptor for the lovely day, and then find ways to stay busy when I have the opportunity to be alone with him. It’s the right call.

Even if I do feel a little lonely. That’s just the wedding mood calling to the romantic side of me.

I push aside those thoughts and focus on my friends. It seems that Mereden is friends with Siskin, who has a brother who works in the healer’s guild. Mereden and Lark are both beside themselves with excitement because they’ve been visiting the orphanage and have fallen in lovewith a pair of children. “There’s an older brother who’s five,” Lark gushes as Mereden clutches her hand tightly. They sit on the far side of the dancing, with Lark’s foot propped up on a nearby chair and a cane under her arm. “And a little girl who’s two. They’re just the smartest kids, and we love them both.”

“As soon as we get permanent housing, we’re applying to adopt both of them,” Mereden says, her voice soft and shy. “Which means as soon as I’m accepted to the healers, things will really move forward.”

“You’re not going to work at being an artificer at all?” I don’t know if it’s disappointment I feel or happiness for her. In my head, I was still mentally placing Mereden and Lark into our Five, along with me and Kipp and…well, Raptor. I blush just thinking about how presumptuous and awful I am for swapping out my best friend, Sparrow, for the man I have a crush on, but Sparrow’s happy in her job.

“I’m still doing it,” Lark says, gesturing at her foot. “Soon as this starts behaving. And Mereden will fledge, too, but we want to have a family. If one of us must stay with the kids while the other fledges, that’s just how it goes. She’s going to work at the healer’s guild for a while until I can bring in coin. We’ve talked about it, and when she’s working, we’ll have a nanny until I finish being a fledgling.”

They share a giddy smile.

I want to be excited for them. I do. But everything is changing so fast. I don’t know what to make of it all. “I can’t believe you’ve already picked out children. I thought it’d take a while for some reason.”

“We visited the orphanage and just fell in love,” Mereden says, leaning her head on Lark’s shoulder. Their hands remain intertwined, as if they’ll never let go of each other. “It was impossible to say no to those sweet faces. Every day we have to wait to get them home feels like torture.”

“And your father? What does he think of all this?” I ask, because I know Mereden’s father is noble. Not the heir, but one of the spares. I’m guessing they were expecting her to make an advantageous marriage.

Her expression tightens. “We, ah, haven’t told my family yet.”

“We might have to if we can’t get income soon,” Lark says, glancing over at Mer. “We’re still figuring things out, obviously.”

“I’ll be on the lookout for odd jobs,” I tell them. “Seems we’re all in need of a bit of coin these days.”

Lark lifts her chin, glancing up at Raptor, who’s still across the room. “What’s the story with you and him?”

“Other than us being fledglings together? There is no story.”

“I don’t know.” Mereden sits up, craning her neck to get a glimpse. “He does keep looking over here a lot for someone who’s just a friend.”

“It’s complicated,” I tell them. I don’t know what else to say. I’m not sure I want to tell them that it’s complicated because I was feeling sick from sensing a dead body so I fucked him to distract myself and it turns out he doesn’t know it was me and he’s also pining over some other woman. That seems like far too much. I just smile brightly and gesture at the food spread. “Have you tried the rolls? They’re amazing.”

A short timelater, Raptor and I head out from the tavern. Our easy mood from earlier is gone, and our conversation as we head back to the dormitory is sparse. I’m thinking about how happy Mereden and Lark are, and Sparrow and Hawk, and the newly married couple of Siskin and Tern. I didn’t come to Vastwarren to seek out a relationship. I came here for a job. But seeing so many people so happy and paired up makes me feel lonely. Hormones, I suspect, and I want to squeeze my crampy abdomen with relief and delight.

Raptor holds the door to the nest open for me, and I step inside, then wait politely for him. We stare at each other in the doorway, and then he gives me his best smile and cocks a thumb to the kitchen. “I’m going to grab a drink of water to wash the onion out of my mouth. Want anything?”