Page 73 of Tourist Season
“I’m not sure it would have made much of a difference given the circumstances, but yeah. I think I hate it too,” I say. A crease deepens between his brows as Nolan shifts to the side, lifting the hem of my shirt to inspect the bandage that covers the slice made by his knife. “How’d it go at the river?”
“Fine,” he says, his attention still caught on the wound. “I found two bodies. I’ll get the other one tomorrow. I brought them back here and hid them in the garden shed for now. What have you been doing with them?”
“Woodchipper.”
Nolan’s eyes flick to mine. “You know the bones don’t justdissolve, right?”
“It’s not like I’m making them into wall hangings and selling them on Etsy. I amburyingthem.”
My joke doesn’t seem to soften his hard expression. “And what if someone decides they want to come along and dig them up?”
“They’d have to suspect me first.”
Nolan lets out a long sigh as he sits up, running a hand through his hair. I let my eyes travel over every inch of his skin. I’ve never had the chance to look at his body up close in the light before. And now he’s casually sitting in my bed like he’s always been here, all his bruises and scars on display. Those scars don’t just stop at his skin. They run deep. I can almost see it, the way they tug and pull and warp his thoughts. He’s afraid.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, propping myself up on an elbow.
“Sam is watching you,” Nolan says, turning enough to give me a single eye, his expression one of torment. “He has pictures. Notes and dates and times. Observations of your behavior.”
I swallow, my pulse quickening. “I figured.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I did, about the drone. And considering he had no qualms about trespassing on the Ballantyne River property, it was probably a given that he’d take no issue with following me around on occasion.”
“He could have followed us to the river. He could have seen something suspicious. We’re digging up dead bodies on Arthur’s land that he buried in rye sacks from the distillery, for fucksakes.”
“I have no choice,” I say as Nolan drags a hand down his face and levels me with a hard stare. “There are only days left before the sale closes. We have to get all of them out before that happens.Viceroy could start work right away, and what happens then? Arthur’s last years on this planet will not be spent in prison. I can’t let that happen.” I lay a hand on his arm, squeezing the snake beneath my palm. “It’s only four bodies left. We can do that in a couple of nights, if we work together. But I have to get it done. Even if I dig alone and you keep an eye on Sam, we can figure something out.”
“I’m not letting you do it by yourself.” The sharp edge in his eyes softens just a little, and though it’s obvious he’s not pleased, it’s more worry than anger that I see. “I only saw a few photos of Arthur. Most of them were of you. Why?”
“Proximity probably has something to do with it,” I hedge. “But maybe he’s trying to work me out. I’m sure he already has a lot banked up on Arthur.”
“Is there something I need to know?”
I hesitate for a beat, sitting up with a wince that I hope he’ll attribute to my bruised ribs. “You know the most important parts already,” I say. “You know I’m not … good. I’ve done horrible things. You know I’ll do whatever it takes to protect Arthur and Lukas and Cape Carnage.” Nolan gives me a subtle, thoughtful nod, his eyes dropping from mine, resting on my lips for just a moment before his gaze lands on the bed. He doesn’t say it, but I think he knows there’s so much more that I just can’t reveal. But he also seems to know that asking again won’t yield a different result. “You know how to bring me back to life.”
His focus snaps right back to me.
“I don’t just mean pulling me from the water, Nolan. I mean … I forgot what it was like. What I was missing. It’s been a long time since I let myself feel this way.”
“Feel what way?”
My lip slides between my teeth. His gaze drops to the motion and I’m sure he thinks I’ll just clamp down on my words. Maybe I should, but when I reflect on our interactions, every time I’ve defied the rational voice that told me to stay away from him, the risk has paid off. If I hadn’t walked with him the first time we met, maybe he would have found me and killed me right away. If I hadn’t risked forcing an alliance, we wouldn’t be sitting in my bed, trying to figure out what we really mean to each other.
So I place my hand on his. I wait until he meets my eyes. “It feels like I can take a risk and trust you with all the worst versions of myself without scaring you away. Like even when I want to fight against you, I’m still fightingwithyou, because I know you’re still on my side. Like I can let you in at my own pace, even though I’m afraid.” I let my hand travel up his arm, my touch slowing over the ouroboros tattoo, a gentle caress over its infinite battle to consume itself. I trace the tense muscles, rising to his shoulder, not stopping until I fold my hand around the back of his neck. My eyes never leave Nolan’s as I draw him closer, until I can see every variegated shade in the wedge of brown. “It feels like I can finally take a deep breath.”
Maybe I can’t say everything I truly feel. That he’s chipping away at my heart, and I don’t know how it’s happening, but I don’t want it to stop. I show him my worst and he’s still here. And every day that passes, I think it has less to do with what I have over him, and more to do with me. But even though I might not be ready to put every thought out into the open, I can still show him how I feel. So I rise to my knees. I lay my hands on his warm face. I close the distance between us, pressing my lips to his as my eyes drift closed. And I kiss him with every emotion that I’m still struggling to understand. I pour what I can’t say right into my touch.
Nolan’s hand threads into my hair. But when I try to pull him down onto the bed with me, he resists. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he says when I draw away.
A wicked smile stalks across my face. I grab the hem of my shirt and drag it up my body, tossing it on the floor like a dare. My shorts go next. “Liar.”
Nolan’s eyes darken and he levels me with a serious stare. It looks like it takes effort to keep his eyes on mine as he lays a hand to my sternum. “You know what I mean. You’re still recovering.”
“But I like when you make it hurt,” I whisper against his skin before I bite his bottom lip, raking my teeth over the tender flesh as I let it go. His pupils consume all but a thin band of color in his eyes. “You like a little pain too.”
Nolan hesitates for only a heartbeat before he dives back into the kiss, biting me back as he pinches one of my nipples between his fingers, delivering a hit of pain with the pleasure, sparking the need for more. When I break the kiss on a gasp, he seals his mouth over the peak of my breast, taking my nipple between his teeth. My nails rake across his scalp as my desperate moan fills the room.
