Page 74 of Scythe & Sparrow
I shower, scrubbing the makeup from my skin until it aches.
I throw on a robe and stare at myself in the mirror.
I wear a path across the floor of the apartment, to the end of the hallway and back again. The clock on the wall mocks me, time dragging on and on but never going anywhere.
It’s one in the morning when Fionn finally walks through the door, and the moment I see him, my heart hits every bone on its way to the floor.
“Hi,” I say.
The look he gives me is haunted.
I take a step closer, but he stiffens. The space between us is no more than ten feet, but it suddenly feels miles wide. “Are you okay?”
His voice is low and quiet when he says, “Everything is taken care of.”
I’ve never seen him like this. Shut down. Consumed by something I already know can’t be fixed. I can almost see the wallaround him. An impenetrable blockade. And it’s meant for only one purpose—to keep me out.
I swallow. “Thank you. But that wasn’t my question.” My blood is surging so loudly I can hear it, a pulsating hum in my head. Dread is climbing though every cell in my body. “Areyouokay?”
“I have to leave. Tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
Fionn doesn’t answer this time. He just shakes his head, his eyes still pinned on me, all the light within them gone. My throat threatens to close around a painful knot. My nose stings. But I will the sudden tears away. Maybe he can see the struggle in my face, because Fionn’s gaze finally shifts from mine and he heads toward the kitchen. I trail after him.
“What happened?” I ask, stopping on the other side of the island. Fionn takes a glass from one of the shelves and the bottle of Weller’s Special Reserve bourbon I got specifically for his visit because I know it’s his favorite. He cracks the lid and pours himself half a glass, knocking it back in a single hit. “Fionn? What happened?”
“I fixed it. Like I said I would.”
“I would have helped you. I still can, if you’ll let me.”
“Help?” he says, holding me in a stare I wish I could break away from. It slices through flesh and bone, not stopping until it hits my heart. “‘Help’ is what got us here in the first place.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
Fionn sighs, pouring another glass of bourbon, draining it as fast as it fills. “I took it too far.”
His gaze falls to my leg, where the scar cuts a jagged line down the side of my calf. A memory smacks me in the face. One of Fionn, a halo of light behind him. I was lying on the floor of his exam room. His beautiful eyes were full of concern. I recall the faint sound of his voice pulling me from darkness, imploring me to wake up. I remember now.Help, I’d said before I fell back into a dreamless sleep.
I started it. I started it all.
My hand raises to my heart as though it could ever stop it from incinerating. It aches beneath my bones. “What happened?” I whisper.
“I can’t tell you, Rose. Please stop asking.”
I refuse to balk at his sharp tone. Shoulders back. Spine straight. I deservesomeanswers. “Are the police involved?”
“No. They’re not.”
The relief I feel is fleeting, too brief to be captured for more than an unsteady heartbeat. “Then why do you have to go?”
“Because I have to. Because look at what we’ve done together.” Fionn gestures toward the windows behind me and the city beyond the panes of glass. “Ikilledsomeone. And there are consequences for that. We can’t avoid them this time. I can’t. We have to stop this.”
Everything he leaves unsaid hangs in the air.
