Page 63 of Scythe & Sparrow
I lay my hand over his where it’s splayed across my inner thigh. Our fingers lace and he squeezes my hand, not letting go. And it’s in this moment, with his eyes never straying from mine, this new wave of need building in my veins, that I know that when it comes to Fionn Kane, I will break every rule.
And for the first time, I let myself wonder if he might one day feel the same.
CLAWS
Fionn
ONE YEAR LATER
Good luck tonight, Doc! Don’t break your face. It’s pretty and I like to sit there ;)
AHAHA thank you! I’ll do my best. And even if it’s broken, you’ll still be on it. I promise you.
Looking forward to tomorrow.
Me too! I’ve gotta work at 7PM so if your flight is late, just let yourself in.
I slip my phone into my bag and pull my shirt over my head before I put both into a locker. I should be thinking about what I’m about to do as I walk into the crowd, headed for the ring. I should be listening to the introduction and the rules as I slip betweenthe ropes. I should be focused on my opponent. But I’m not. I’m thinking about Rose.
I try to put space between us. But it never lasts. There’s always a reason to pull us back together. Like Rowan and Sloane’s wedding— I tried to tell myself to ease back and give us both some room to breathe. And what happened? We ended up fucking in the bathroom of Leytonstone Inn. We were just bringing shit to the venue the day before Rowan and Sloane’s surprise elopement, and in less than ten minutes of arrival, I had my mouth around her nipple and my cock buried in her pussy. Not to mention the wedding itself. Rose was so fucking beautiful in her bridesmaid dress, her smile lit up with happiness for her friends. I ate her pussy in the staff room of the bar that night like it was my last goddamn meal. I would have found a way to do it in the courthouse too a few weeks later had we been there in person for Lachlan and Lark’s unplanned nuptials. But it’s not just the sex. That’s only a bonus, if I’m being truly honest with myself. Every spare minute I want to spend with Rose. She’s funny. She’s whip-smart. She’s unpredictable. She lives her life with a wide-open heart, like she loves every piece of herself and isn’t afraid to show it. She embraces everything from her fucked-up chaos to her brilliant, bright light. I admire her in a way I’ve never admired anyone, because it used to seem impossible to imagine what it would feel like to live that way. But she makes me think I could embrace myself and life the way she does. These things about myself that I’ve hidden away, the secrets and dark urges, she seems to sense them. And she’s not afraid.
And my own fears are eroding, replaced by need I couldn’t shake even if I wanted to. A need to be with Rose. A need formore than what we have now. It’s consuming me, one cell at a time, one moment to the next.
I don’t see her nearly enough. When I’m not with her, it’s fucking agonizing. I miss her presence in my house, how she made it a home. I miss it so goddamn much I’ve been keeping her plants alive and thriving for whenever she can visit, which is rarely, even though she’s decided to spend the last couple months in Boston as the circus is getting closer to winding down for the season. She talks in noncommittal terms when it comes up. “Thought I’d stick around Boston for a bit, see what all the fuss is about. I felt bad not being at Lark and Lachlan’s wedding in person and I could use some time off,” she said with a shrug when she first brought it up over a FaceTime call. “Barbara’s doing great with Cheryl and the poodles. The twins can borrow my bikes until I get my bearings. And Baz needs a bit of freedom. I’ll lend him Dorothy now that he can drive. You know, just a favor to his mom, give her a bit of a break,” she said the next week. “Besides, Lachlan said his place is empty. Might as well have someone to look after it, you know?”
“Yeah, of course,” I’d replied, trying to sound equally nonplussed. “Makes sense.”
“I’ve got a job in Saugus with an event company for now, just a temporary thing that José hooked me up with. But Rowan floated the idea of me working at 3 in Coach for him once I’m finished with the Saugus Frightfair gig. The restaurant’s so busy. He said it would be a big help if I was interested in learning. If I can help keep a circus troupe in order, surely I can handle helping him manage the place, right? Might be kind of fun to try something new …?”
I had responded with something encouraging yet bland, not wanting to come off as too excited. The last thing I wanted was to scare her off. But in reality? I was fuckingelated. And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. Not when I’m at work. Not when I’m at home, lying in the dark, daring to imagine what a different future might be like.
Not even now.
My punch lands with a crack on Nate’s cheek. His head snaps to the side. Spit flies from his mouth, but he stays upright. At least long enough for me to deliver another blow to his ribs.
The crowd roars around us. Fire burns through my veins, a current of flame beneath sweat-slicked skin.
I hit him with a right hook. Christ, it’s so fucking satisfying. I keep thinking of that time I stitched him up as Rose watched. He was purposely pushing my buttons with hiscome by the shopbullshit. I punch him again. A jab. Another jab. When he threw his name in to battle it out with Killer Kane for a chance at dethroning me, I jumped to defend my undefeated streak.
He’s getting tired. His hits are weakening. His footwork is slow. I fake him out with the threat of a left jab. And then I throw all my momentum into a huge right hook.
My fist lands on Nate’s jaw. His head snaps back. And then he falls to the mat, unconscious.
Satisfaction.
The crowd goes feral.
Tom counts down the seconds. Nate’s head rolls from side to side. His legs slide across the stained and padded floor. But he doesn’t get up.
Hands raised in victory, I take a turn around the mat, my mouth guard hanging from a smile that’s probably a little bit wicked. Then I manage to wrangle the darkness that seems to be thriving more and more with each fight, and I attend to the man lying at my feet.
Though I tell him I’m sorry when he comes to, I don’t think I really mean it.
“Another excellent show,” Tom says, clapping me on the shoulder as Nate’s friends help him out of the ring.
I unravel the tape around my knuckles, testing out the pain that’s mounting in my joints now that the adrenaline is already wearing off. “Thanks.”
“Same again next month?” When I nod, Tom grins, passing me a clean towel for a gash I didn’t even notice on my brow. “Better get that looked at, Dr. Kane. Might need a few stitches. You can pick up your cash tomorrow at my dealership.”
