Page 50 of Scythe & Sparrow
“No.” He shakes his head, his eyes haunted. “Never on purpose. Never you.” His gaze falls from mine as though he can’t quite bear to look at me.
“Never me,” I agree. “Because you’ve seen it and lived it too, haven’t you? You’ve lived in the shadow of a monster.”
My heart cracks a little for Fionn as he nods, though I see a sliver of relief in his eyes when he meets my gaze. “I might not bea monster like my father, Rose,” he says. “But I’ve done things I shouldn’t be proud of. And I’m not like you.”
“What, you mean you’re not total chaos and mayhem?”
Fionn gives me a faint smile, but it quickly fades. “I never embraced that part of me that feels no remorse for the sins I’ve committed. I never got to know that side of myself. I spent a lot of time and effort to forget it ever existed, and now that makes it unpredictable.”
“Fionn,” I say, coming closer until I’m standing right in front of him. I balance on my crutches and grasp both of his arms, waiting until he meets my eyes before I continue. “You think I haven’t figured that you might have seen and done some things you aren’t proud of? Or that you were more acquainted with darkness than you let on? Sorry, but even Rowan and Sloane were a bit of a giveaway. And I’ve seen the worst in people. I know what they can do to one another. But I trust you. Maybe you should trust yourself too.” I reach up and place a kiss on Fionn’s cheek, parting with a gentle smile. “It’s okay to love your darkness and still love yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a whole one.”
I leave Fionn standing in the center of the room and head to the shower. He doesn’t join me like I thought he might. When I exit the bathroom in my robe a while later, he’s sitting in contemplative silence. But when he looks up at me, it feels like the air is a little lighter in the room. And though his smile is faint, there’s an ease to it, as though he can breathe for the first time.
He gives me a T-shirt and a pair of boxers, and I get changed, climbing into bed as he takes his turn in the washroom. I stick to one side of the mattress. But when Fionn comes back into the room and turns off the lights, sliding beneath the covers, he gentlylays an arm over my stomach. I turn over and he gathers me to his side. I rest my head on his chest, his skin smooth and warm. His heart drums a melody into my ear. I’ve touched him before, of course. Run my hands over his muscle and bone. But this time feels different. It feels like home.
Fionn presses a kiss to my hair. “Goodnight, Mayhem.”
“That’s not a nickname, is it?”
“I filed an exception. Didn’t you get it?”
I smile in the dark.
And then I fall asleep.
SURFACING
Rose
“I need all the details,” Sloane says, her eyes fixed to Lark above the rim of her coffee cup. Lark tries to dart her crystalline blue gaze away to the patrons that pack the busy café, drumming her short fingernails on the glossy black table. “So? What happened with you and Lachlan?”
Lark shakes her head emphatically, her cascade of blond waves falling across her shoulder. She and I have both opted for something stronger than coffee, and Lark takes a long sip of her mimosa as though that will get her out of answering. I might not know Sloane that well, but I already get the vibe that she’s not the type to just let a nonanswer slide. Lark finally balks and does her best to put on a convincing facade. “Nothing.”
I try to hide my grin behind my Bloody Mary, but Lark can see the amusement in my eyes when she looks to me for backup. “You sure?” I say, and I can sense Sloane’s delight next to me.
“Mmhmm.”
“You were out with him on the balcony for a while,” Sloane chips in.
Lark squares her shoulders and raises her chin. “A girl can get some fresh air without some interrogation.”
“He’s pretty hot though,” I say. “Reminds me of someone, but I can’t put my finger on it.”
“He doesn’t look like anyone. Except an asshat. A hot asshat, but still an asshat.”
“He makes me think of someone too,” Sloane says, tapping her lip thoughtfully as she turns her gaze to the ceiling. “Oh! I know. It’s Kea—”
“Don’t you dare, Sloane Sutherland. Don’t. You. Dare. Keanu Reeves is a god among men and you will not ruin him for me by comparing him toLachlan Fucking Kane.” Lark shoots Sloane a menacing look before the server interjects to take her now-empty glass. She immediately asks for a fresh one. When he’s gone, Lark turns her attention back to us. Or, more specifically, tome. “Besides, we shouldn’t be dissecting my nonexistent love life. We should be asking aboutyouand the good doctor Kane.”
My cheeks flame and I take a long sip of my drink. The girls wait me out, of course. And I kind of love them for it. It’s been so long since I’ve had female friends my age. In fact, I find it hard to remember a time when I did. So even though I’m a little embarrassed about this question, it’s nice to be asked. I might have met Lark only a few days ago and I hardly know either of them, but they’ve welcomed me like I was always meant to be here. And I don’t think I’ll be ready to leave. Not Boston.
Anddefinitelynot Nebraska.
I glance down at my leg. The cast will be coming off when weget back to Hartford. And then it’ll be time to hit the road. Rejoin Silveria. Travel from town to town. Go back to what I know. What’s comfortable.
But maybe it’s not so comfortable anymore. Maybe it feels a little tight. For all its benefits, especially for someone like me, the freedom of that nomadic life is sometimes just an illusion.
Maybe things would be different if I stayed in Nebraska for a little while …
