Page 40 of A Heart Of Bitter Poison
“Then I will pay with blood,” Ashen says, his lips grazing my ear with every word. He lifts his touch from my skin to turn his wrist toward my lips.
I close my eyes. My throat burns with desire at the smell of the network of veins beneath his skin. But it’s not just that. It’s the suggestion. It’s the act of offering that compels me as much as the smell, or the taste, or the way I know it would feel to have his essence coursing through my body. It’s more than the power of secrets and time in his blood. It’s the magnetic pull of him, like we’re meant to find one another through any distance, any realm, any measure of time.
Bloodfated,I hear Bianca say in my mind.The more you take, the more your fates intertwine.
Those words settle like a hot ball of molten glass in my chest. It’s like they expand to fill every empty cavity, coating me with the truth from the inside out. And the truth is that this bloodfate is nothing but cruel. It shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t need something so sacred from the one person left to betray me. I’ve killed nearly everyone to sell me out across the millennia. Yet, the one that hurt me most deeply is here, with his arms wrapped around me, a Reaper holding his wrist out in an offer I can barely refuse. And I’m letting him. I can’t seem to stop.
No, it shouldn’t be this way. Not with this enemy. Not with the man who should never be mine.
The kind of sorrow I feel when I think about these things, it’s like quicksand. It’s like a place I’m not supposed to be. Like a desert that pushes me away from the sea and consumes me. Dry and desiccating. Endless. Unwelcoming and unmerciful. It sucks me under and leaves nothing behind, coating my world in coarse grains until it drowns me, killing even the will to fight back.
I slow my motion. One by one, my muscles solidify. In no more than a few beats of the music, I’m little different than stone.
“What do you want,” I demand. My voice is low and strained. There’s no trace of amusement in it, no flirting or banter. The music continues on around us as though leaving us behind on a cold and empty shore. “What do you want,” I say again when he doesn’t answer.
Ashen pulls away a little but keeps his lips close to my ear and my hand encased in his. I feel it tense around my fingers. His wrist still hovers in front of me in the offer of a promise. “To talk. Alone.”
I close my eyes for one deep breath, filling the bottom of my lungs in the hopes of distracting my heart with something real. “Fine,” I say as I push his offered wrist away. I turn my head enough that I know he’ll hear every word clearly, yet not enough to see his face. “But I don’t want your fragile vows.”
Ashen’s fingers loosen around mine, but it’s me that finally lets go.
CHAPTER16
Imove away from Ashen but I know he’ll follow. I head toward the exit for the patio. My thoughts tell me I’ve won a small battle against myself, but my chest hurts as though I’ve already lost.
I don’t look behind me as I pivot through the bodies on the dancefloor. Eryx’s eyes catch mine across the crowd. There’s a question in his gaze when it darts behind me and back again. My twitch of a smile and subtle nod seem to calm him. He gives me a nod in reply and watches but doesn’t follow.
The night is cool and chills my skin when we pass the threshold and arrive on the empty patio. The air seems thinner in the absence of the sun. The stars are bright across the sea. I walk to the stone railing of the patio and look out across the cliffs that plunge into the midnight shore.
Ashen comes to a stop next to me, leaning his arms on the stone. He’s close enough that I can feel his warmth but not near enough to touch. He doesn’t look at me but I can feel his attention on every little movement I make, from the way I press my hands together to keep from fidgeting with my dress to the way I sigh when the silence stretches on.
“You got me where you want me, Reaper. So, talk,” I say. My voice sounds more weary than annoyed. I keep my eyes on the ocean as the fleeting memory of my home with my sisters floats up to haunt me.
Ashen’s head dips a little. I glance over to see his gaze fall a bit lower on the shore. “I’m sorry, Lu.”
“For what, Reaper? What you’ve already done to me, or for whatever torture you’re still planning to inflict?”
A puff of air like the ghost of a bitter laugh escapes from Ashen. I feel him glance at me but I don’t return his gaze. “I am trying tohelpyou. Your condition will not stabilize until you finish what Semyon started.”
I already feel that truth within me. My healing abilities may have returned, but my body and brain feel inconsistent at best. The visions I’ve had seem to almost come of their own will. I feel like there’s power within me that I’m not in control of. See also my bladder at times, apparently.
Even knowing all this doesn’t mean I’m eager to play nice with Ashen. In fact, my ever-present, simmering rage is just starting to come to a boil.
“Right, I’m sure you’re an expert now. Did Ember bring you the lab reports personally? Or did you watch on a hidden camera?”
Ashen’s spine tenses. I can almost see each vertebra locking into place.
“Did you know she came to participate, in the beginning? Until it became too grim for even her.”
Ashen is silent. A muscle ticks in his jaw as he looks at his hands.
“What did you learn about my condition that you’re now such an expert in, Ashen? Did the shit that Gallus injected into me tell you something? Or what about the bones he broke? Did pulling my fingernails off one by one teach you what would fix me?”
His heart hammers out heavier beats. I hear the tempo of his breath quicken.
I turn toward him, the red light of my eyes flowing across the stone until it locks to his face. My jaw is set like rock as we stare at one another. I glare through the hot tears that burn as they slide across my skin. I didn’t even realize they were there.
Ashen straightens and faces me. Flame brightens in his eyes. “Lu-“
