Page 23 of After the Siren
‘Not with Stavs standing there looking like he was going to boke.’
Jake sighed. Hehadgotten Paddy involved. And Paddy would accept it if Jake told him to fuck off, but that would be a bit of a dick move.
‘You know how I overheard him talking shit about me? Well, he mentioned some other stuff on the call. Personal stuff. He thought I was avoiding him because of that.’
Paddy would probably put the pieces together. He might have already clocked Bestavros as queer – he had an eerie sense for when people might be interested in fucking him.
‘Bit of a leap from that to dick sucking,’ Paddy said.
‘Can’t help you.’
‘Mm.’ Paddy stared in the direction of the goal posts. ‘But you came out to him?’
‘Yeah.’ Jake leaned his chin against his knees. ‘I guess I did.’
‘Is he going to be a dick about it? Because if he —’
‘I ... no. I don’t think he will.’
‘Areyougoing to be a dick about whatever went down?’
Jake looked at the balls scattered behind the goal posts. There was the right answer to that question, and then there was the accurate one. He settled for honesty. Paddy wouldn’t have believed him if he’d lied.
‘Maybe.’
Chapter Five
The four weeks of pre-season that followed development camp made Theo miss the period when he and Cunningham had mainly ignored each other. It turned out Cunningham held a grudge. Maybe Theo should have apologised, but that went both ways.
The only thing they’d seen eye-to-eye on was profound relief that camp had come to an end. Theo really regretted accusing Cunningham of avoiding their room, because of course Cunningham spent the last four days of camp doing the opposite, making it impossible for Theo to study unless he found a quiet spot somewhere else. The couple of free mornings where Cunningham had gone off to surf had beenbliss, even if he had an uncanny ability to spread sand onto everything once he got back.
But Theo had gotten through it, and even in his lower moments he couldn’t think of the camp as a failure. He’d played well on the wing (he wasn’t going to think about his accuracy in front of goal). He’d made, if not friends, then friendly acquaintances. The numbers said he was the best runner on the team, and it was hard to argue with numbers. He was never going to be stronger than someone like Raze, but he was puttingin good work in the gym. Better work than some other people. Things were going ... well, they were certainly going.
If he woke up every day with a thrumming pulse of anxiety in his chest, at least it wasn’t stopping him from getting out of bed. He was deliberately not thinking about the first game of the season, though some malicious part of his brain was running a countdown and whispering,You have to be better, you have to be better. He’d since met the rest of the coaching staff, including the head coach, Davo. He wasn’t sure what to make of him yet, but so far he hadn’t said anything either homophobic or racist, so Theo was going to take the win.
The guys seemed like a good bunch. Although there were a few pretty old-school players. Barry Loin – known as Tenders – had cracked a couple of off-colour jokes during training, and Theo remembered that Bruce Archer – nicknamed Sheds for inexplicable reasons – had posted a couple of unfortunate things on social media in the past. The CEO, Randy Jones, wasn’t known for being a bastion of progressive views either, but Theo doubted they’d ever actually meet.
Jenny, the psychologist Kat had sent him to, was not what he’d expected. She was a petite woman – maybe 5′2″ to Theo’s 6′4″ – with a razor-sharp black bob, tattoos on the backs of her hands that stretched up her forearms, and an eyebrow piercing. Her handshake was firm and she smiled with her eyes first. She could have been anywhere between thirty and fifty. He’d been surprised to find that she sat on the bench at games to keep an eye on things.
He liked her better than the psychologist Priya had dragged him to. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why. Maybe it was her directness, the pragmatic way she’d draw her eyebrows together and say,Well, I think we can do something about that. She didn’t talk to him like she was his mum or a primary-school teacher. He’d spent every spare moment in their first sessionstaring at her lanyard, which was in the colours of the pansexual flag, and wondering if he should tell her he was queer.
He hadn’t.
It was a stinking hot Tuesday morning – just on the borderline of weather that would have had them doing something inside – and he could feel the sweat trickling down the back of his neck. They were running game-simulation exercises and Cunningham was taking every opportunity to get up in Theo’s space. As per usual. It had taken Theo a few days after camp to realise that Cunningham had made it his personal mission to piss Theo off as much as possible during training. The coaches liked to pit the two of them against one another in drills, which just gave Cunningham plenty of opportunities to be a pest. His primary skill.
It was petty, and pathetic, and Theo was not going to let it get to him.
The next time they tussled for the ball, it spilled free. Theo went to scoop it off the ground, but Cunningham was there, blocking Theo with his body. Cunningham was smaller, and not as strong, but his positioning was ridiculously good. Cunningham emerged victorious and got the handball off to Raze, who was running past.
They reset to start the drill again, and Theo jostled Cunningham for position. A little harder than he would have if it had been someone else. Cunningham just turned and winked at him.
Theo exhaled, ignoring it, and reminded himself that he just needed to get through the next hour and then he would be inside in the air conditioning.
Except then he gave away two frees for high contact against Cunningham in quick succession – both tackles perfectly legal until Cunningham bent his knees. The second time, after he got the kick off, Cunningham turned to Theo and grinned. He wasmaking Theo look like an idiot. He wasenjoyingmaking Theo look like an idiot.
‘Your mum get on her knees that easy?’ Theo snapped. He never sledged much, but it wasn’t like he didn’t know how to.
He expected Cunningham to bark right back, but instead he grabbed two handfuls of Theo’s jumper and shoved him. Theo grabbed Cunningham’s jumper right back. It feltgoodto get a rise out of him. To see that fucking smile drop off his face.
