Page 18 of After the Siren
Theo closed his eyes. ‘I don’t know if I’ve got excitement in me,’ he said. ‘I just ... I don’t know. It’s better, though. Kat is great. You’d like her.’ Massive understatement. ‘And the medication is still helping. It’s better.’
‘Good.’ She didn’t sound convinced.
‘Really, Priy, I’d tell you if it wasn’t.’
‘Okay,’ she said with a sigh. ‘I just wish I could give you a hug.’
‘Right back at you.’
Priya made the sort of noise she usually made before bringing up something serious. That was alarming, because they’d already coveredI accidentally outed myself to my least favourite teammateandmy generalised anxiety disorder and accompanying depression might ruin my career.
‘And ... you’re okay not being out to the team?’
‘What?’
Priya had neversaidshe didn’t approve of Theo staying closeted, but she’d been quick to raise it as a silver lining when his AFL career had looked like it was over.
‘What you said about your bisexuality being valid but theoretical. Thewayyou said it. I suppose I just wonder if you’d feel better if you could ... be yourself. Be out.’ She made a noise, and he could almost see her regretting her words. ‘Not that anyone has to be out. You know what I mean.’
Would being out make him feel more like himself? He knew, intellectually, that the fact he’d only ever been with women didn’t make him any less bisexual. He was out to his close friends, but that had happened organically, in the mess of teenage feelings and exploration. There were at least a dozen really good reasons he didn’t want to come out to anyone else. But even if there hadn’t been, he couldn’t imagine telling his parents – let alone the team – without a partner to introduce.Abi, Ommi, just a quick PSA to let you know that the Rafael Nadal poster I had above my bed wasn’t there because I liked tennis.
He knew what Priya would say if he told her he thought about it like that.
‘It doesn’t feel like a big deal right now. Honestly.’
She sighed. ‘I hate that you have to hide it.’
‘It’s not like I’ve got a boyfriend stashed somewhere.’
‘In a closet, for example?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘It was building to a very obvious punchline.’
‘You’re mean.’
‘What if you want to date men? Or hook up with them?’
Theo wasn’t sure why Priya had a bee in her bonnet about this topicnow.
‘I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it.’
Which I won’t. Sure, in an alternate universe he might have taken the opportunity to broaden his horizons if it presented itself. But he liked women, and it wasn’t as though dating was currently a priority in his life.
‘It just feels like the opportune moment for ... experimentation. Before you re-engage with serial monogamy,’ Priya said.
‘I don’t think getting some dick will fix my depression.’
‘Not the object of that exercise. Also, you don’t have to get a dude to get some dick.’
‘Point taken. You know what I mean, though. And seriously, I’m good. Go back to your trial prep. I know you need to highlight.’
‘I do need to highlight,’ she conceded. ‘I’m going to call you on Tuesday after court. Talk then? Take care. Love you.’
‘Love you too, Priy.’
Chapter Four
